The Theory of Time.

Tick Tock, goes the clock.
Beeb Beeb goes the alarm.
“You’re fucking late” goes the boss.

Of these 3 examples of time only one is truly interesting.

Tick Tock? Meh. Merely clock work
Beeb Beeb?, electronics, Childs play
“Your fucking late” Now that my fellow explores of science, that is truly fascinating.

Bit of a change of pace this week as unlike previous articles where months, indeed years of research were required, this experiment was done on the fly, today, with no prior tests. I woke up this morning and thought, what makes a person late. A fairly easy question you would thought, You have to be in particular place at predetermined time, if your not, your late, surly a brief experiment will yield no startling insights to time. But as regular readers know by now even the most mundane of experiments, can yield the most astonishing results.

With adrenalin pumping as it always does at the start of a new experiment I pressed on.

The Experiment –
Can I turn up at meeting scheduled for 11:00 at 11:30 and not be late?

The first task was to schedule a meeting, now to make this a true experiment I needed to invite the appropriate people, if I merely invited underlings then there would be good chance nobody would mention it, except perhaps a passing “Sorry Laz, I thought the meeting was at 11” not good enough, so I invited the boss, his boss and several people from a 3rd party company under the pretence that it was a “connectivity check point”, I slapped together a bogus agenda that had me doing all the talking and sent it. After half an hour all attendee’s had accepted, the game was afoot.

An unexpected twist at 10:15 as the boss passed my desk and asked “Already for the 11 o’clock?”
“Oh yes” I confirmed, clenching my buttocks at this added potency of the experiment, “probably best if we get in there at 10:55 to make sure there is enough seats” I added on instinct, something that has reaped rewards on more than one experiment.

10:54 I clandestinely walked out of the office , and locked myself in the disabled toilet. I may be a man of science but if it does not harm the experiment then I never deny myself a bit of luxury, and the disabled cubicle offers more than its fair share of padded area’s.

11:05 I can only imagine the excuses proffered by boss at this point.

11:10 Past the point of no return, I am almost giddy with the anticipation.

11:16 Disaster, there is a knock on the toilet door, “Laz! You in there?” it was the boss, thank god my training in amateur dramatics kicked in. “No” I said in my best disabled voice. “Where the fuck is he?” I heard him say as he walked away from the the door.

11:27 I could wait no more, I figured that 27 minutes was as good 30 and I strode to the meeting room

“Morning Gentleman, thanks for coming.” I braced myself for torrent of abuse that was required to fulfil the experiment.
A chorus of hello’s and nods from the attendee’s, I looked at the boss who was looking at his boss who was looking at the agenda.

Nothing.

I was crestfallen. I needed at least one person to point out that I was late in order to explain that I was not and thus validate my theory, but nothing.

I pressed on with the meeting agenda, glumly going through the points until finally bringing the meeting to a close and they all left. I was gutted.

The experiment was dismal failure. Or was it? After reviewing the notes this evening I realised I had stumbled on the result I was looking for.

Although I was 27 minutes late for meeting, as nobody alluded to the fact, either through professional courtesy, embarrassment, or sheer amazement at my bare faced cheek at me not mentioning it I had actually proven that you could turn up 30 minutes after meeting was organised and not be late!

This is my first step into the realm of time. One I will surly return to in the future.

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J.A. Laraque

J.A. Laraque is a freelance writer and novelist. His passion for writing mixed with a comedic style and intelligent commentary has brought him success in his various endeavors. Whatever the subject, J.A. has an opinion on it and will present it in writing with an insight and flair that is both refreshing and informative.