An Obscure Religion

Picture of The GodWhat’s the point of living if you can’t be god. Well if I can’t be a god I my as well create me own. A properly created religion can give you personal control influence guidance over the wallets minds hearts of those who feel that being a Free-Thinking Individual is way too much work.

Here’s how simple God-creation can be:

Create a God, with a good name.

Don’t give your God a stupid name, e.g. Inigo Pautee or one that is already taken e.g. Allah (big no-no, that one)

Get some Followers.

Tell your followers “You know everything you always wished you had in this life? After you die, you’ll get it! We promise! Hot women. Cute Guys. Flying Cars. Huge Breasts, Rivers of Chocolate that won’t add an ounce or an inch to your perfectly fit, weightless body” and other stuff like “God is your side. Believers are God’s chosen people, and only those who believe will go into paradise. Things done in the name of God are, by definition, virtuous and just. God shares your feelings and what others call prejudices – this is how you know that you are right”.

Make cool some symbols.

Use something distinctive like a the Arch, the Crown and Pigtails. Anything that people already knows and sees everywhere. And they should be easy to draw and say.

Make it ambiguous.

Why define it when you can let people fight it out themselves. People are funny. They’ll fight over anything. Even something you just made up. Enjoy the show and try not to think too much about the bad karma, remember god is on YOUR side.

You need a Devil.

An opposite perspective gives the people some else can pick sides and fight over things. Encourage Intolerance because it is fun and yet still makes you feel superior and important, while at the same time elevating you to the moral high-ground above those who you don’t agree with.

Confuse Your Followers.

This will make sure that nobody can be really certain what they believe. When you don’t spell it out exactly (or even if you do) you know how those funny humans will all magically just get along, right!

In this case, we’ll try to be real thorough here:

Punishment

Inform non-believers of the available punishments to convince them to believe; Threats of eternal torment are good as it telling them “Failure to believe is bad. It makes you a bad person, and you will be punished in this life and the next. Note: helping non-believers to start believing is good, as it obviously means they will no longer deserve to be punished”.

Revenue

If the believers are encouraged to donate generously to the cause, this will help to spread it further. It will help pay for missionaries to travel to far-off lands and fleets of Rolls-Royces. You could also spend the money on enormous Holy buildings throughout the land to continue the faith for centuries.

Please note this does not come with a money-back guarantee.

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J.A. Laraque

J.A. Laraque is a freelance writer and novelist. His passion for writing mixed with a comedic style and intelligent commentary has brought him success in his various endeavors. Whatever the subject, J.A. has an opinion on it and will present it in writing with an insight and flair that is both refreshing and informative.