New Terms: Sneeze Apnea

Similar in nature to the Walgreens’ Pit of despair, the wailing caverns, as such, is the space between your center console and car seat, to which no artifact or expedition ever returns. Example: today my coworker gave me a white/milk chocolate concoction. This is acceptable as the milk chocolate is accompanied by it’s aryan brother, white chocolate. Ebony and ivory, etc.

Read more

10 musical acts I’m “supposed” to like but don’t

What follows is a list of musical acts, that people have criticized me for NOT liking. Saying things like OMFG PAUL HOW CAN YOU NOT LIKE “TREES ARE FLUTTERING IN THE BALKAN FALL BREEZE” THEY ARE SO AWESOME YOU JUST HAVENT LISTENED TO THEIR THIRD ALBUM WHICH IS THEIR BEST HURRRRRRRRRRR. I’ve LITERALLY gotten that about one of the bands on this list.

Read more

15 Foods I don’t eat and why

Another thing women love that I don’t get. Like green peppers, the taste and SMELL of vinegar neutralizes whatever the fuck you put it on. We used vinegar to color our eggs back in the days of yore and strife. Especially blasphemous is balsamic vinegar, which you can smell from a mile away. I don’t give rimjobs to skunks, so I’m not consuming balsamic vinegar. I do not take vinegar pills. Do they even exist? Don’t answer, I don’t care.

Read more

New Terms: Kodak Kathy

She will do anything to get the perfect shot. Butt in front of you, kick high harry, etc…Kodak Kathy has a short term memory and thus must take pictures of everything to remember the good times. Little does she know, she wont remember the concert, just taking pictures of it. Usually spotted with camera held high in the air, pushing her way to the front of the stage to get that perfect shot, pissing off everyone in her warpath.

Read more

New terms: Concert edition

Edit: ** I have been informed that I have invoked the name of Justin Bieber too much in this article. Therefore his name will be changed to…………. Justin Bieber. Thank you. He sucks. And with all the internet rage against him, it still isn’t enough. He sucks. Pop music sucks. Thank you.**

Read more

FWIP FWIP

Everyone has encountered this. Everyone. AS SUCH, when you are watching youtube, hulu, or whatever, one video will be really quiet. so you have to turn up the volume. However, the next video will be SRGEYTE$WYHERNRT%EYB#V #GHER% N^BWV$WTW YHG#$ $%E&BYVY$%WYV%RHREHYB$WGY%$VHE$TBGE%YBVR%HB$EYD% RY$WEYGRDG$%WEYH$W%H.

Read more