10 musical acts I’m “supposed” to like but don’t

A wise man once said, the only two arguments that neither side can win are about politics, and music. So, in the spirit of argument, it’s time for me to tackle music.

Another wise man said: “to each his own”. I try to follow that phrase the best that I can. Sadly, a lot of people don’t.

What follows is a list of musical acts, that people have criticized me for NOT liking. Saying things like OMFG PAUL HOW CAN YOU NOT LIKE “TREES ARE FLUTTERING IN THE BALKAN FALL BREEZE” THEY ARE SO AWESOME YOU JUST HAVENT LISTENED TO THEIR THIRD ALBUM WHICH IS THEIR BEST HURRRRRRRRRRR. I’ve LITERALLY gotten that about one of the bands on this list.

These acts have been shoved down my throat for a long time. PERHAPS in the future (with the exception of the top 2 on this list) I may grow to appreciate them more. Yet, for now, I don’t. Sue me. If you can’t handle my opinion, fuck off. It is my constitutional right to defend my musical tastes.

You don’t see me trying to shove my music down your throat, OMFG YOU DONT LISTEN TO DUBSTEP/TECHNO/PRODIGY/FREESTYLE/INDUSTRIAL/NIN/ ETC OMFG YOU SUCK HURRRRRRRR.

That is not to say that the following artists do not have talent. IMO, with the exception of the top two acts, these are talented musicians who simply make music that is not my cup of tea. These are not my most hated acts either. That’s a different list. Duplicates from here may appear on that list however, if I ever get to it.

Oh and spare the whole “PAUL YOU’RE UNCULTURED HURR I LIKE EVERYTHING”.

Because you listen to woman that sings like cats being raped in Iceland, or the minimalistic sounds of Phillip Glass, makes you no more or less cultured than the average idiot like myself.

Also, nobody likes all music. Everyone’s a critic. I just admit it more often.

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#10: Deadmau5

Deadmau5
Mouse helmet adds +50 to dexterity and musical talent.
What I dislike:

Daft Punk did the whole “perform electro house in a mask” gimmick WAY before Deadmau5 did. I guaranfuckingtee you this guy wouldn’t be half as famous as he is without that. His music is paint by numbers electro house. It’s bland, and there are others within that same genre that have much more pizzaz than him (Justice, Steve Aoki, Daft Punk). I can TOLERATE Deadmau5, but I just don’t see the big deal. There are others like David Guetta and Erick Morillo who are equally guilty, but Deadmau5 has the most fame, therefore he makes the list. I have been criticized for not liking Deadmau5 even though I’m an electronica whore. I don’t like Deadmau5 because I am exactly that, an electronica whore, and am probably more picky about that than any other kind of music, as will be evidenced in the PMI 2010 music awards hosted by Chef Gordon Ramsay.

What I like about him:

“Move for Me” f/ Kaskade. I like that track. Kaskade is ok. It sounds more like Kaskade’s style anyways. I also like the fact that he refuses to DJ. When an artist produces, the cheap and easy way to get gigs is to perform a “DJ set”, which to the uninitated, means to spin records instead of playing your own music. Deadmau5 got into trouble with a lot of DJs when he said that he refuses to do that crap, and prefers to play his own music live. He is absolutely correct.

#9: Dave Matthews Band

Dave Matthews band
Sing to me Dave. Sincerely, a mid life crisis.
What I dislike:

Boring. Bland. I never “got” the whole “guy with guitar sits there and sings” thing. It worked in the 60s and 70s with a lot of the folk artists of that time. But 40 some odd years later, it doesn’t feel right. I know that’s not all this band does, but I get that vibe whenever I hear them. Once again, I like my music like I like everything else, with pizazz. DMB lacks this. It’s like something a guy having a mid life crisis listens to after getting the pink slip at work, then he’s driving home in his beamer to a wife that hates him and a dog that won’t pay any attention to him. Meanwhile his kid is getting into drugs and he can’t do anything about it because the kid simply won’t listen. Those kids and their damned heavy metal and dubstep.  He wonders if he’s gonna get that Christmas bonus from his boss that he really needs. Shit thats right, he got fired.  He’s out of prozac. These are the thoughts going through my head whenever I hear DMB.

What I like:

They don’t really bother me. I can sit there and tolerate it. Like background music. They’re just… there. Like my desk at work. It exists on a mortal plane, yet never changing with the times. Like the sands of the hourglass, so are the days of our lives, and the Dave Matthews Band.

#8: The Rolling Stones

The rolling stones
More drugs in this photo than Mexico.
What I dislike:

TRS are one of the only “classic rock” bands I never got into. I don’t know. They never did anything for me. Beatles, Floyd, Dylan, CCR, The Who, Cream, Sabbath, stuff like that, I love. The Rolling Stones were always too generic for me. I don’t know, I guess I had “to have been there” to fully appreciate them.  Also, as of late, their age is really showing. The saying goes: you’re never too old to rock. Well look at some recent concerts of the Stones. Ozzy too. Then rethink that statement. GO OUT WITH DIGNITY MAN. I guess they won’t, because they know they’re immortal. Based on Manny’s “irradiation theory”. I’ll post that as an official term at a later date.

What I like:

Paint it Black. That one song. A rock classic. Satisfaction is good. Cliche, but good. The lifestyle and image of the Stones, also great. No harm, no foul. Just not my cup of tea. /salutes.

#7: The White Stripes

The white stripes
Robert Palmer wept.

What I dislike:

In music, my taste has always been geared more towards musical rather than lyrical content. I used to listen to movie scores and classical, before I got into any “modern/contemporary” stuff. I’m not a lyrics guy. I can like an instrumental track just as much as any other song. With that being said, TWS just don’t do it for me. The music does nothing, the lyrics do nothing. I never “got” why so many people are fascinated by them. Actually you know what. Yeah, they sound pretty solid for a 2 person rock band. They ARE talented in that aspect. However, just because someone has talent, doesn’t mean I have to worship them and curse out anyone else who doesn’t appreciate it in the same way I do. Mao Tse Tung had talent. To kill 232323 million people, I think that takes talent. But you don’t see me getting all giddy over Mao Tse Tung thinking he’s the second coming of Christ. In fact, he was an asshole. I don’t like him, or TWS, though I appreciate they had talent.

What I like:

They make a 2 person band sound like 4, going back to the talent issue. They know their craft. Also, they quit while they were ahead. If most musical artists took a page from their book, they would be remembered with more dignity, rather than trying to recapture what made them awesome in the first place, but failing. Several of my favorite artists should observe what The White Stripes did. I won’t mention any names. BT. PvD.

#6: Beck

Beck
Jesus Christ for pseudo intellectuals.
What I dislike:

Beck Beck Beck. Wow. Thank you Fernando for reminding me about this one, and of the 44353452 fights I’ve gotten into with people who insist that I’m a moron because I don’t like Beck or appreciate his music. I was actually going to put The Cure here, but the Cure did inspire a whole genre of music and they have their cult following, like New Order or other post punk/alt rock-dance bands of that era. So The Cure gets a pass. But Beck. No pass for Beck. Beck is the father of all post 80s pseudo intellectuals. Not really at this moment, but back in the mid to late 90s, it was considered blasphemous to dislike Beck by psoods. Why? I never understood. I never “got” Beck. I never got why anyone found his random ass lyrics and songs insightful and deep. Or intelligent for that matter. I’ve seen a PLETHORA of musical artists get trampled over and ignored, over people like BECK, who just jumbles random thoughts together, and the “avant-garde” hacks lap it up like nicotine and gravy (an actual Beck song). Beck is the “Lost” of alternative rock. Meaning let me shit on a paper, smear it, and pass it off as art, and have people find deeper meaning where there is none.

In fact, now I will write a Beck song myself, based on stuff that is on my desk right now at work.

I’m calling it, Diet Coke and Calculators.

Diet Coke and calculators

They are nice and shiny.

Next to my papermate pen.

Spool of CD-Rs

What are they to do?

I gave birth to hipsters.

Monkeys do fling poo.

Diet Coke and calculators.

Why are they so nice?

Right next to my white out.

Parallel to my stapler.

Why did God make paperclips?

Where do paperclips come from?

A factory in the sky?

Where do snakes go to die?

/bows.

Thank you.

Thank you.

What I like:

He’s not Glenn Beck.

More to come.

 

Hits: 18

J.A. Laraque

J.A. Laraque is a freelance writer and novelist. His passion for writing mixed with a comedic style and intelligent commentary has brought him success in his various endeavors. Whatever the subject, J.A. has an opinion on it and will present it in writing with an insight and flair that is both refreshing and informative.