Game Reviews

All our gaming categories under one banner.

Classic Windows GamesComputer Games

Zork

Who could forget Zork’s opening: “You are standing in an open field west of a white house, with a boarded front door. There is a small mailbox here.” The text-based parser would respond to your directions, such as “Open mailbox” or even just “open”. Actually, the parser was quite advanced for the genre, as it was able to handle conjunctions and prepositions, such as “open the mailbox and read the leaflet,” and had a wide array of verbs and nouns that it recognized. Of course, if you tried a command that it didn’t know, the parser would just respond with, “I don’t understand that” or a pre-programmed witty response if you tried something the programmers anticipated you would, like typing in “jump” and getting “Wheeee!!!” as a response. For fun, type in any of the following: zork, win, repent, yell, and see what the parser says back.

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Game Boy

Lady Sia

There’s actually a very long and detailed story that unfolds throughout play, but I don’t want to give anything away. What I will say is this is a realitivly short game, with just a handful of main levels, and a few smaller levels within. Sia is armed with just a sword and an “energy blast”, and each level’s mission has her recovering a stolen family item; from a better sword to magic rings. These items will help her defeat the 4 bosses and the main one at the end.
The 32-bit, cartoony animation is neat, and the fluidity of her movements are top-notch for the little system. Little touches like using her sword to grab a ledge to pull herself up were nice additions. Sweet background music and sound-effects, as well.

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Game Reviews

Bad Lip Reading – Magic Man

Bad Lip Reading is a rather brillant YouTube channel that takes music videos of pop songs and writes their own original songs designed to match the lip movements of the people in the video, with little to no regard for making sense. Usually substantial editing of the original video is also involved. This video takes Ludacris's My Girl Video and adds hobbits, silly lyrics, clever editing, great music and (look out y'all) the Bee Gees. I'm sure you'll love it as much as I do.

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Game Reviews

Hard Gay: Cooking

This video is proof while we are not as cool as these guys. This show features a character named Hard Gay who goes around doing all kinds of weird things and asking people strange questions and acting, flamboyant. Seriously, this is something you just have to watch.

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Sega 32X

Doom (32X)

This version of Doom suffers from having less levels than the other versions. This is a big mistake and somehow I don’t understand why it would be ripped apart. Did they got lazy? was there something wrong with the port? The SNES version of DOOM is amazing but somehow Sega and the producers of the game fucked up the port that was coming out for an add-on that was supposed to be superior…..

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Arcade Games

Rolling Thunder

A vast majority of the enemies are ‘Maskers’ who look like multi-coloured Klan members and it is the colour of their outfits that determines their strength and attack patterns. There are also several other kinds of enemies such as ape men, ninjas, and mutant bats and they can all cut Mr. Albatross’ mission short in a hurry.

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Classic Windows GamesComputer Games

Wing Commander

The creator of Wing Commander, Chris Roberts, characterized his game as “World War II in space.” The player took the role of a fighter pilot for the Confederation, battling the war machine of the Kilrathi, a race of feline aliens. Attack runs and defensive missions were launched from a space-going aircraft carrier, the TCS Tiger Claw. If the player was successful in meeting mission objectives, the storyline continued with Confederation forces pushing back the Kilrathi armada.

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Game Reviews

Giga Pudding

Seriously, this is one of those ads you just watch and as you do your mind slowly starts to melt. I sware if they forced Americans to watch this it would be considered an act of war. When it was done I did not want puddling I wanted to be put down.

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Game Reviews

Flashback: Quest For Identity

I remember reading through one of the many video-game magazines that were out at the time (don’t really remember which one), and there was a preview for a game described as “CD-ROM on a cartridge”. A game that was going to use motion-capture technology so the ‘platformer character’ would seem to have very fluid mobility. A game that was based in a dark sci-fi universe instead of the usual cute-fantasyland. A game developed by the French….alright I admit that last part didn’t sell me on it, but the rest made for a launch-day purchase, and those that know me realize spending full retail doesn’t come easily for me.

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Game Reviews

Cycles

Sometimes, especially at work you find yourself staring at your computer screen. We thought you need something to stare at that just might fry your brain and so we bring you the video Cycles which you really must see because explaining it does not do it justice.

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Indie Games

Chains

Chains, you see, might on the surface seem like another game that uses the rather tired idea of making things disappear by matching them with, err, things of the same colour, but it really has way more than that to offer. It sports a brilliant and very versatile physics engine, that, combined with the excellent level design, make for a rather excellent and quite unique game. Not to mention an addictive one too. And wait till you see them graphics in motion while listening to that utterly brilliant electro soundtrack…

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