Scambaiter – Butterbabys Bullshit

ButterbabyI am happy to present to you another chat log with a scammer. Our victim this week, Butterbaby pretended to be a female American Car dealer but was really a fat Nigerian bloke called ‘Prince’ Joe Eboh who is a known 419 scammer. We pick up the log after I have agreed to transfer some money to the scammer so they can conclude a business deal then Fly to england to marry me and live happy every after. Here is the small talk…

[00:19] butterbaby_p900: how many kids do you want me to give you ???
[00:19] c64glen: 15
[00:19] butterbaby_p900: hahaha
[00:19] butterbaby_p900: too much

[00:19] c64glen: why?
[00:19] butterbaby_p900: baby be serious

[00:20] c64glen: when you come to England, I keep you in the bedroom
[00:20] butterbaby_p900: k
[00:20] butterbaby_p900: how many bedroom do you have ?

[00:20] c64glen: 1
[00:20] c64glen: but it is also my bathroom
[00:21] butterbaby_p900: ok

[00:21] c64glen: and toilet
[00:21] butterbaby_p900: ok fine

[00:21] c64glen: when I say toilet, I mean bucket
[00:21] butterbaby_p900: what kind of car you drive ?

[00:21] c64glen: Blue Capri
[00:22] butterbaby_p900: k
[00:22] butterbaby_p900: i drive 4×4 jeep

[00:22] c64glen: cool.
[00:22] butterbaby_p900: i will bring it along when i come over

[00:22] c64glen: how you do that?
[00:23] butterbaby_p900: we gonna use to go to many places that will never been b/4
[00:23] butterbaby_p900: when i come where will you take me to ???

[00:23] c64glen: I would like to take you to…
[00:23] c64glen: Whitley Bay!
[00:24] c64glen: and Shotton
[00:24] butterbaby_p900: what are they doing there ?

[00:25] c64glen: It’s a party capital, lots of swingers there
[00:26] butterbaby_p900: cool
[00:26] butterbaby_p900: what about beach ?

[00:26] c64glen: Whitley Bay has big clean beach, except for the johnies
[00:27] butterbaby_p900: ok cool love that my sweetheart
[00:27] butterbaby_p900: @};-
[00:28] butterbaby_p900: so when i come over when do you want us to wed so that we can be living together as husband and wife ???

[00:28] c64glen: yes, I would like a new wife!
[00:29] butterbaby_p900: ok baby

[00:29] c64glen: The last two where rubbish
[00:30] butterbaby_p900: when i come over will you go and see your parents in ireland ???

[00:30] c64glen: If you would like to
[00:31] butterbaby_p900: i will like to
[00:31] butterbaby_p900: i need to know you mum and dad and younger ones

[00:32] c64glen: ok, altought we stay away from my brothers
[00:32] butterbaby_p900: why ??

[00:32] c64glen: because they keep raping my wifes
[00:33] c64glen: I tell them not too, but the love the rape
[00:33] butterbaby_p900: oh that is bullshit baby

[00:33] c64glen: yes, I tell them this
[00:33] butterbaby_p900: so they will rape me too when i go to them ?

[00:34] c64glen: they do also like the bull, the police have told them to stop
[00:34] butterbaby_p900: ok
[00:34] butterbaby_p900: we wont go to them ok
[00:34] butterbaby_p900: we will be living all alone okay

[00:34] c64glen: ok.
[00:34] butterbaby_p900: you and i ok

[00:35] c64glen: yes
[00:35] c64glen: we can make my movies
[00:35] butterbaby_p900: ok love
[00:36] butterbaby_p900: so when i come over what will you prepare for me to eat
[00:36] butterbaby_p900: ?

[00:36] c64glen: Me perpare food?
[00:36] c64glen: No I don’t do that, not since wife #1
[00:36] butterbaby_p900: yes if come i will be preparing the food for you

[00:37] c64glen: good, good. I don’t want to have to pay for another funeral
[00:37] butterbaby_p900: but for the first time i will come to your house you will prepare something for me

[00:38] c64glen: I will get you good english food, a Parmo
[00:38] butterbaby_p900: cool baby
[00:39] butterbaby_p900: so when i come over you will help me to open the website

[00:39] c64glen: yes, do you have a name for this website?
[00:39] butterbaby_p900: and i will start that business i told you about
[00:40] butterbaby_p900: we gonna be rich okay

[00:40] c64glen: I was thinking of JizzCars?
[00:40] c64glen: or SpunkMobiles?
[00:40] c64glen: Perhaps Wankexpress?
[00:41] butterbaby_p900: you mean i should mean use any of this name to open my business ?

[00:41] c64glen: yes, you need a name
[00:41] butterbaby_p900: yes
[00:42] butterbaby_p900: i will get a name when i come over to you ok

[00:42] c64glen: yes, I would like to help with the business
[00:42] butterbaby_p900: yes

[00:42] c64glen: This one will not have to be set on fire
[00:43] butterbaby_p900: i know baby
[00:43] butterbaby_p900: you will be my husband and the same time you will be my business partner okay

[00:43] c64glen: Yes, but not your uncle like wife #3
[00:44] butterbaby_p900: what ??

Ask the Fucking Professor

Professor Lazarus is still toiling hard within ObscureInternet headquarters to solve life’s most mysterious mysteries.

Doctor Lazarus
It’s less than 2.5 years now until I officially become a doctor, how much extra work and effort is needed to become a prof? Is it something that can be worked towards or are some people just born with what it takes?

Academically speaking there are 3 ways to become a Professor –

  • Take an advanced degree, get your paper published in a reputable journal, and accept tenure at some poxy university.
  • Invent a weapon that has the potential to destroy the earth, demonstrate it by blowing up the moon, present your demands to the UN wearing, and this is the critical bit, a white lab coat, you will be then known in the papers as Professor Doom. (note- there is a danger of being called Dr. Doom as this has a better ring to it)
  • Simply call yourself the Professor, eventually people will get sick of you correcting them when they call you Crag, and start calling you Professor. Or, as in my case they might shorten it to Prosser.

    Your not born with the ability to be a Professor, its more like natural talent, or genes.

    Clear as a Mouse
    Why can I see through a 2 litre drinks bottle but not a mouse?

    The way your eyes work is much different to the way people think they do. Rather than light entering your eyes and your brain deciphering it, what actually happens is that you send out beams of tiny particles which retrieve information and bring it back to your eyes.

    Now, for a bottle of pop its easy, the particles go around the pop and come back and tell you whats there. No problem.

    However when the particles hit the mouse there is a problem, the mouse has natural defence against these molecules that only let the ones that hit front of the mouse to go back to the eyes, the ones that go around the mouse that would allow you to see through it are murdered by the defensive shield. Almost everyting has the defense. With the exception of glass, water, see-through plastic and super-models.

    Rise STAT
    How was Lazarus raised from the dead?

    I have studied the original Hebrew text of John 11 and have found significant translation discrepancies in the English version (and indeed all other languages)

    Biblical Scholars had determined that the following text was an accurate translation –

    So they took away the stone. And Jesus raised his eyes and said, “Father, I thank you for hearing me.
    I know that you always hear me; but because of the crowd here I have said this, that they may believe that you sent me.”
    And when he had said this, he cried out in a loud voice, “Lazarus, come out!”
    The dead man came out, tied hand and foot with burial bands, and his face was wrapped in a cloth. So Jesus said to them, “Untie him and let him go.”

    However they are wrong, My own studies have concluded that the correct translation is

    So they took away the stone. And Jesus went into the cave and said “OK, we have a Caucasian male with no pulse, Mary get me 15cc of adrenaline and a defib stat!”

    And when he said this he cried out in a loud voice “Paddles on chest we are going on 3 everyone clear……CLEAR!……CLEAR!……..CLEAR! We got a pulse, its steady. BP is leveling out, good job team”

    The dead man came out, tied hand and foot with burial bands, and his face was wrapped in a cloth. So Jesus said to them, “Untie him and let him go.”

    So, How did Jesus bring Lazarus back to life? It appears that as well as being the son of god, he is also the first man in history to use a defiblirator.

    If you have a question for the Professor, send an email to Professor@ObscureInternet.com or post it in the forum.

    Scambaiter – Seriously Annoying Lover 84

    serious_lover84 was one the first people to contact my via my tagworld profile. At this point is is claiming she loved me and asking for little presents like 100 dollars or 2500 dollars for a plane ticket. This is me trying to get rid of her (unsuccesfully)

    [20:43] serious_lover84: honey i want the pound if u send it the bank will change it to our money for me okay so u just go and look for the westren union money transfer that is the bank that have a branch here and then money gram sg-ssb
    [20:43] serious_lover84: how much will u send honey
    [20:57] c64glen: I wanted to tell you something before we go on…
    [20:57] serious_lover84: okay tell me
    [20:57] c64glen: I have told some untruth
    [20:58] serious_lover84: tell me wht is it honey am here for u okay
    [20:58] serious_lover84: and dont have to hide anything from me okay
    [20:58] c64glen: I’m not a thirty year old man, I am fifty years old.
    [20:58] serious_lover84: tell me i really love u
    [20:58] serious_lover84: is that wht u wanted to tell me
    [20:59] c64glen: I’m not a thirty year old man, I am fifty years old.
    [20:59] serious_lover84: as i have had this type of love for u nathing can make me stop loving u
    [20:59] c64glen: I live in prison
    [21:00] serious_lover84: okay i really love u no matter wht the sitiation okay
    [21:00] c64glen: I murder my wife and a few other people.
    [21:01] serious_lover84: oh why did u do that
    [21:01] c64glen: I had a bad time
    [21:02] serious_lover84: oh am sad to hear this but i still ove u okay
    [21:02] serious_lover84: love u
    [21:02] serious_lover84: okay
    [21:02] c64glen: Also I don’t have much money, because I’m have to pay some women I raped.
    [21:03] serious_lover84: okay honey
    [21:03] serious_lover84: u just send me wht u can okay
    [21:03] c64glen: But I will be out of prison in 38 years, so I will ask them to deport me to your country so I can live there.
    [21:04] serious_lover84: i love u hope u can get 100pounds
    [21:04] c64glen: I may be able to kill someone and take 100 pounds for you.
    [21:04] c64glen: see I love you so much, I will kill for you…
    [21:05] serious_lover84: okay honey i love u too
    [21:05] c64glen: Would you like me to kill someone for you?
    [21:05] serious_lover84: no
    [21:05] c64glen: I can cut them up and you some bits.
    [21:05] serious_lover84: no
    [21:05] c64glen: That was going to be your present.
    [21:06] serious_lover84: dont do that it a very big sin
    [21:06] c64glen: I was going to send you a heart.
    [21:06] serious_lover84: no dont
    [21:06] c64glen: don’t you want a heart?
    [21:06] serious_lover84: so fedex did not say anything honey
    [21:07] serious_lover84: u just send me 100pounds okay and stop alll tis
    [21:07] c64glen: fedex told the police I was sending bad things, so I had to stab the fedex man and the police man with a fork
    [21:07] c64glen: but I left a note telling them it was for you
    [21:08] serious_lover84: u send me 100 pounds okay
    [21:08] serious_lover84: seee u totmorrow
    [21:08] c64glen: no, you tell me. you love me even like I am ok>
    [21:08] c64glen: I hurt those men for you?
    [21:08] c64glen: Don’t go without telling me you like it
    [21:09] *** “serious_lover84” signed off at Tue Mar 07 21:09:08 2006.

    Ask the Fucking Professor

    Here at ObscureInternet headquarters have the Professor Lazarus working hard to solve life’s most mysterious mysteries. So now thanks to a four day beating he has agreed to answer any question on any subject, here follows some of the most stupid questions

    Small Breath of Air
    If I was the size of a flea, would it still be possible to use my current method of breathing to extract oxygen from the air. As I shrank in size would the oxygen molecules become too large for me to continue to breath properly?

    You know, one of the frustrating things of having an intellect like mine is that it sucks the joy out of movies.

    “Honey I shrunk the kids” made me physically sick, and not because of Rick Moranis’s arm snappingly bad performance, rather the utter lack of scientification employed in its in premise.

    You are totally right, as you shrink the air molecules would be become to large to breath, those kids, by rights, should have collapsed and died in under 30 seconds, but no, they happily went on riding ants and dodging sweeping brushes

    One answer of course it to wear an aqua lung and shrink that down as well. But the problem is not in the shrinking, that has been done several times under laboratory conditions (see the documentary “Fantastic Voyage” for further details) but the rebigification process that is the rub. Early attempts were less than successful, Robert Wadlow, Andrea the Giant, Shirley Crabtree, are all examples of rebigification experiments on dwarfs that went horribly wrong. I myself tried rebigification on certain appendages of my anatomy, and although my wife thinks it was a success, I can no longer wear trunks in public.

    So the answer is this. Yes it is possible to be the size of a flea and use, with apparatus, your current method of breathing. But you could end up 18 feet tall when you return. Of course this would be useful if you had to paint the back of your house as you would not have to climb dangerous ladders, but think of the clothing costs.

    Pretty Fly Philosophy
    On my way into work I saw a tiny fly on the train window. I know without doubt that this fly can never comprehend the intimate details of quantum theory. Although many people are the same however, some really clever people like yourself can no doubt understand almost fully.

    Do you think there are topics that no matter how smart we get we could never hope to understand. Not for lack of trying but just a fundamental barrier beyond which we cannot understand or are we different. Does the fact that we can understand somethings mean that given enough time and resources we could understand everything?

    I sometimes stare at the infinite night sky and think, how? Then I quickly remember, oh yes, that’s how. Now I could explain how but I am afraid the keyboard I am using does not have the correct symbols required to show you. Suffice to say most of the big questions have been answered, but there is little point trying to explain to the tiny fly’s that is humanity as they simply just wont get it, perhaps in a few generations, who knows? For now we will just let the likes of Hawkins peddle their childish musings onto the world.
    However, for the moment consider this; that fly on the window. Who was watching who and contemplating quantum theory? The answer may be the start of your enlightenment.

    Drink Milk
    Why does milk taste different if you drink it outside?

    Well its all about milk being sentient, yes, that’s right, milk thinks, it also has feelings. When you take it outside, it gets colder and shivers. It does this by moving its molecules faster, which translates to the human tongue as a change in taste. It taste’s better. Its similar with chips, eaten outside in newspaper, the only difference is the chips are not shivering, they are reading.

    If you have a question for the Professor, send an email to Professor@ObscureInternet.com or post it in the forum.

    J.A. Cares: Whats the Matter with Kids

    With the re-launch of the Obscure Internet website and the fact that management told me I would not be getting a raise this year. I with all my heart and dedication to my craft present the adoring public with yet another J.A. Cares.

    Tilley McNeal from Ainsworth, Nebraska writes:

    I have come across your words after discovering THE INTERNETS and this thing called THE GOOGLE. Using THE GOOGLE I have found many disturbing things. I was prepared for the pornography and the hate speech, we get that in Ainsworth all the time, but what I was not prepared for was the children.

    It was not just what comes out of the mouths of children, but what they subject themselves to and participate in. How long has this been going on? We have kids with pants hanging off them, tattoos on little girls and buying beer and cigarettes over THE INTERNETS?

    Won’t somebody please think of the children!

    I don’t know what exactly you want me to tell you Maude Flanders, but first let me inform you it is called the INTERNET, not, the INTERNETS, and it is GOOGLE, not, THE GOOGLE. This will help keep THE HACKERS from stealing YOUR MEGAHERTZ.

    As a side note, it is GIGABYTE as in with a G not a J, it is not JIGABYTE people. Jay Z had nothing to do with this.  With that said on to the children.

    Exploring what exactly?

    Please take note of this photo. dora1.jpg For anyone who doesn’t know is Dora the Explorer. She is a cute little girl who explores and helps people with her pet monkey, Boots and the reoccurring antagonist, Swiper the Fox.  It was all in good fun which meant most people did not care about it.

    As with most things there has to be a revamp and with that comes Dora 2 Dora Electric Boogaloo. Now personally I don’t see a big deal, but she is being upped to age sixteen and moving to the city.

    People are calling her Dora the Whorer now because they believe giving her a sexier look and moving to the big city with a monkey is… well, maybe they are onto something. I wonder what she will be exploring in the city. Perhaps she can help lost hookers and Boots can become a pimp? I have to wonder what Swiper will be swiping now, purses, cars, virginities.

    Honestly, I think people are just going overboard as they always do. However, I guess I can understand being a bit paranoid about their children considering how they can find so many ways to find inappropriate stimulation. This brings us to:

    The Broom they didn’t want her to use:

    Like crack Harry Potter and all things having to do with the franchise is very addictive to children and young teens. There are tons of merchandise to buy from ear wax candy to tons of books that makes this writer very jealous. There is one toy however that ended up keeping more kids in their room by themselves than World of Warcraft.

    I present: The Nimbus 2000 – nimbus.jpg It is not bad enough that the name was stolen from The Jetsons, but this broom which is used in the books and the movies ended up causing a ton of controversy with parents all around the globe.

    Let me just give you the description of this toy for kids.

    Kids can now “fly” a Nimbus 2000 broomstick just like the members of their favorite Quidditch team. A replica of the broom Harry uses in the movie Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone, the Nimbus 2000 features a grooved stick and handle for easy riding. Enhancing the excitement are the vibrating effects and magical swooping and whooshing sounds the broom makes when on. Sounds can also be activated when the switch is set in standby mode. Requires three AA batteries

    Now before we continue let’s look at some of the reviews on the product:

    My 12 year old daughter is a big Harry Potter fan, and loved the part with the Nimbus 2000, so I decided to buy her this toy. I was afraid she would think it was too babyish, but she LOVES this toy. Even my daughter’s friends enjoy playing with this fun toy. I was surprised at how long they can just sit in her room and play with this magic broomstick! A great buy for any Harry Potter fan! 🙂

    So what we have here is a broom that girls seem to like more than boys, even older girls like it. Now why do you think that was? Could it possibly be the VIBRATING ACTION? It did not take long for one parent to catch on:

    This toy was #1 on my daughter’s Christmas list. So what the heck, although it has no educational value I figured it would be good for imaginative play. It wasn’t until after she opened her gift and started playing with it that I realized that the toy may offer a more than sensational experience. The broomstick has cute sound effects and ***VIBRATES*** when they put it between their legs to fly. Come on—what were the creators of this toy thinking? She’ll keep playing with the Nimbus 2000, but with the batteries removed.

    Taking out the batteries on the Nimbus 2000 is like allowing your boyfriend to bring another girl into the bedroom but he does not get to touch her. By I digress.

    What does all this mean?

    Remember in Jurassic Park when they said, nature will find a way? Well, kids will find a way to do whatever the hell they want to. I say just don’t have them, but then again I hate the world. I mean they created all kinds of excuses for horrible children from A.D.D. to A.D.H.D to authoritative disorder and restless leg syndrome.

    When I was a kid it was called acting up and the cure was a smack to the back of the head, but now that’s abuse and so the terrorists have won. Kids shop at stores called Flirt and get tramp stamps at age thirteen and you wonder why the world is going to end in 2012?

    I take a line from the movie Armageddon and will say, embrace the horror and if you can, avoid the most deadly STD in human history, K.I.D.S.

    Dutch Cap and the Rhythm Method – Journey to the Placenta at the Centre of the Earth

    An electro-prog rock, rock guitar led, chugging foot stomper of a tune, that will take the lump out of your trousers and put it firmly in your throat. Wordsmith Dutch Cap once again delivers a typically blistering vocal on the unwanted side effects of lying down with a lying lady. Manly Franks frankly manly keyboard lines hold the song together like audio salad cream in a song sandwich, whilst Jimmy Changa (is he Chinese or isn’t he?) keeps on keeping on with them quiet drum bangs. Dutch Caps finger-fuelled, firey, fretboard-freakery fits like a foot-shaped glove around the very very sole of this song. Much like a guitar sock would, if you will. I wouldn’t, but then that’s me.
     
    Find more at Dutch Cap and the Rhythm Method’s  Myspace page 
     
    [audio:Dutch Cap and the Rhythm Method – Journey to the Placenta.mp3]

    Scambaiter – I love you, please help me transfer some money.

    It’s amazing what happens when you have your Yahoo Messenger details listed at Tagword, You can fall in love in an hour just to have some evil robots spoil it all.

    [18:57] queentolode1: hello deraling
    [18:59] c64glen: Hello there…
    [18:59] queentolode1: am tolode
    [18:59] c64glen: He tolode, how’d you find me
    [19:00] queentolode1: AM FINE
    [19:00] c64glen: Ah, You’re from Tagworld?
    [19:00] queentolode1: yes
    [19:02] queentolode1: i acn send picture now
    [19:07] c64glen: Thanks I got it.
    [19:07] c64glen: You sure are a pretty girl.
    [19:08] queentolode1: so what you do in linving?
    [19:09] c64glen: Please. I work in IT.
    [19:09] queentolode1: ok
    [19:09] queentolode1: so am tolode from benin west africa
    [19:10] queentolode1: am working in benin bank
    [19:10] c64glen: Benin? Cool.
    [19:10] queentolode1: yes
    [19:10] c64glen: I never known anyone from Benin before
    [19:11] queentolode1: so you no me
    [19:12] c64glen: yes, I do now 🙂
    [19:12] queentolode1: so can i trust u
    [19:12] c64glen: lol, Yes of course you can.
    [19:12] c64glen: and I can trust you?
    [19:13] queentolode1: yes
    [19:13] c64glen: ok then 🙂
    [19:14] queentolode1: dearling am going to transfer some money from my     bank to your countri
    [19:14] c64glen: right?
    [19:15] queentolode1: yes, if you want assist me so i can give you my assistant contact so that you can call him for the transfer
    [19:18] queentolode1: so dearling i will like you to calll him so that he can  espln it for you verywell
    [19:18] c64glen: cheers.
    [19:18] queentolode1: bout after the transfer to your countri
    [19:19] c64glen: yup?
    [19:19] queentolode1: we can toll bout that, ok
    [19:19] c64glen: toll?
    [19:19] queentolode1: so can i have your contact
    [19:20] c64glen: what contact?
    [19:21] queentolode1: you phone number so that he can call u
    [19:21] c64glen: k k, hang on.
    [19:21] queentolode1: to espln it for u
    [19:21] c64glen:  01642 248184, it’s a UK number (This number belongs to the police)
    [19:22] queentolode1: thanks
    [19:22] queentolode1: so dearling am going to gave him kow so that i can call you
    [19:25] queentolode1: so dearling am going to see my director so that i can call u for the transfer
    [19:25] queentolode1: love u and i trust u
    [19:26] queentolode1: so dearling i love u
    [19:27] c64glen: you love me?
    [19:27] queentolode1: yes, don’t you love me?
    [19:28] c64glen: wow, you work quickly. we’ve only just met. but you are real pretty.. I’d need to know more about you.
    [19:28] c64glen: do you love Jizz?
    [19:29] queentolode1: what jizz
    [19:29] c64glen: You don’t love Jizz? 🙁
    [19:30] c64glen: Tell me about yourself?
    [19:31] queentolode1: am tolode from benin
    [19:31] queentolode1: am30years old
    [19:31] c64glen: ok, and what do you like in your Men?
    [19:33] queentolode1: men are so bad
    [19:33] c64glen: why are men bad? I’m not bad….
    [19:34] c64glen: except for when I killed that woman
    [19:34] queentolode1: no, couse i have get to usa before couse of one man
    [19:35] c64glen: why?
    [19:36] queentolode1: he was a bad man
    [19:36] c64glen: what did he do. I will hurt him bad…
    [19:37] c64glen: I hate bad men,  I just get really, really angry until I’m breaking things and my heart starts thumping like a bass drum.
    [19:38] c64glen: Where have you gone my Queen?
    [19:38] queentolode1: in tag world
    [19:39] c64glen: You still love me, my queen?
    [19:39] queentolode1: yes i do dearling
    [19:40] c64glen: show me your love, my queen
    [19:40] queentolode1: so dearling after the transfer i can come there with my director to see you .
    [19:41] c64glen: wow, you would come all the way here to see me?
    [19:41] c64glen: when will this be.. .
    [19:41] c64glen: I am eager for you now..
    [19:42] queentolode1: so no warry i wiill meet you one day
    [19:42] c64glen: I must have you soon, my enemys are all around me.
    [19:42] c64glen: Do you know my enemys?
    [19:43] c64glen: they are evil robots, they tell me to do things, bad bad things…
    [19:43] queentolode1: no wy
    [19:43] c64glen: are they any robots in Benin?
    [19:44] c64glen: queen? are you there, the robots haven’t got you have they?
    [19:45] queentolode1: no, what robots?
    [19:45] c64glen: the robots that speak to you at night
    [19:46] queentolode1: OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
    [19:46] c64glen: you don’t have these robots there?
    [19:46] queentolode1: NO AND U? HAVE U THERE?
    [19:46] c64glen: Good, I must go to Benin. The Robot talk to me all the time.
    [19:46] c64glen: They get me in bad trouble with the police..
    [19:47] queentolode1: OHHHHHHHHHHHH WY IN THE POLICE?
    [19:47] c64glen: yes, the tell me to do things, They tell me to look at naked women.
    [19:48] queentolode1: wy that dearling
    [19:48] c64glen: you aren’t naked are you??!?
    [19:49] queentolode1: no
    [19:49] c64glen: good, that would be bad.. Don’t go. I can here robots coming….
    [19:50] c64glen: help me… the robot is coming
    [19:50] queentolode1: ohhh
    [19:50] c64glen: GREATINGS
    [19:50] c64glen: I AM A ROBOT.
    [19:51] c64glen: are you there queen, the robot was here but I think he has gone?
    [19:51] queentolode1: ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh sweety love you buy

    Ask the Fucking Professor

    Here at ObscureInternet headquarters have the Professor Lazarus working hard to solve life’s most mysterious mysteries. So now thanks to a four day beating he has agreed to answer any question on any subject , here follows some of the most stupid questions

    Holocaust Truth
    After what the clever posh bloke said, did the really Holocaust happen?

    Prof – Legally the only the answer anyone in Europe can say to this question is yes.

    Although this is the correct answer, I balk at the fact that if you say no you could be sent to prison for up to 10 years.

    There is no question regarding the Holocaust, the Eichmann papers, thousands of hours of footage and personal testimony of hundreds of thousands survivors and guards puts it into the same category of question as “Do trees really have leaves?” and “Is that water truly wet?”

    But, for the sake of science lets have a look at Irving’s evidence that it did not happen; This is what he said in his prison cell –
    “Given the ruthless efficiency of the Germans, if there was an extermination program to kill all the Jews, how come so many survived?”

    How’s that for a smoking gun!

    I think all he has proved there is that he is an anti-Semitic motherfucking lunatic.

    Travelling pressure
    I have two choices when it comes to travelling into Manchester in the morning. I can stay on my local train and go to Victoria this means a 30 minute walk from there to where I work. Or I can change at Salford crescent and get another train to Piccadilly. This is gets me much closer and it’s only a 15 minute walk from there.

    I normally check every day to see if my connection is on time, if it isn’t then I’ll stay on the local train and get to work sooner than waiting for the delayed service.

    Why though does the connection train always chose to be late on the days I don’t look to check. I got off today expecting my next train in a few minutes. I ended up waiting 35 minutes for the connection because I foolishly didn’t look if it was delayed. This always seems to happen. Any idea why?

    Prof – After giving this minutes of thought I believe I have a working hypothesis to this phenomenon. I would need to carry out some test but it appears that sub-consciously you hate yourself.

    Unbeknown to yourself during the trip to the train station, your brain takes in everything around you, temperature, air pressure, moisture levels and wind speed, although you cannot consciously make sense of this info, sub consciously its all getting recorded, as you get closer to the station you start to pick up snippets of conversation the odd word here and there, again only a subconscious level.

    Now as you enter the train station and reach the critical point were you would normally go and check the connection time your sub-conscious does a calculation, if the weather conditions are bad and key words such as “delayed” or “late” were picked up in and around the station your sub-conscious will stop you from checking the sign, and thus ruining your day.

    The alternative is that God takes an interest in you personally and in doing so knows when you do not look at the connection time and subsequently delays the train. With the power to create a universe with a single sentence he chooses to delay the 8:15 to Piccadilly. Just to piss you off.

    So there you go. Why is the train only late on days that the connection times are not checked?

    Because he either hates himself or his God does.

    Stuck in my head
    Why do I have Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go stuck in my head?

    Prof – Having songs stuck in your head is one of the most annoying things that can happen. Coupled with the fact you have one of the most annoying songs stuck in your head its a wonder you have not ended yourself.
    But the reason why it is stuck in your head is complex.
    Basically, you hate yourself. If you can imagine your concious and subconcious are niegbours, you live in the conciuos house. Your neigbour, I’ll call him SC, is a prick, all he does all day strut about whispering things to you like “you have forgotten somthing, I know what it is, but I’m not telling”. Anyway this annoying prick does not like you and currently he playing Wake me up before you go-go on his stereo.
    You have 2 options, retaliate by listening to Back Street Boys, or get wildly drunk and pass out.

    I’d go for the latter.

    Pain in my… ankle.
    Why does my right ankle always really hurt after playing football. I played a week ago (almost to the hour) and yet it still gives me trouble when walking. I think it may be because I hate myself but I’m not sure, any wisdom would be appreciated prof.

    Prof – In a word –

    Athleticus-aintolerans

    Its been a long known fact amongst my fellow scientists that certain people are physically allergic to exercise. In much the same way as milk can inflate the windpipe of a lactose intolerant person, playing football can inflame the very muscles these poor bastards are trying to tone.

    There is no cure for this. You best bet is to sit on a couch. And stay there.

    If you have a question for the Professor, send an email to Professor@ObscureInternet.com or post it in the forum.

    ObscureInternet Mug – A Review

    As an admin at Obscure Internet, I have recently received an OI branded mug to hold and dispense my beverages. I was asked to write some words (about it), and now this is a review (of it).

    As mugs go, it’s excellent. It has no holes to allow drinks to escape, except for the large hole at the top which acts as an entry/exit point for the drink. The mug takes only the slightest angling to extract the tea or coffee, but this angling can change depending on the amount of liquid left in the receptacle.

    dsc00086

    The OI branding is of the highest quality, spelt correctly and it hasn’t been removed after a good 20 washes in fairy liquid. Top marks up to now, you might think; is this the mug to top all mugs? Unfortunately, you’d be spectacularly wrong.

    The extremely white nature of the mug is a problem. Just one cup of tea can reduce it to a browned mess, which is difficult to remove.

    dsc00085

    But the branding is the main issue. You can’t see from the pictures, but it’s only on one side. So, when I hold the mug with my right hand, the logo faces toward me. This is no good for a promotional item! I want the world to see where my mug is from, without having to dislocate my wrist. Shoddy craftsmanship, if you ask me.

    In conclusion, this mug is an adequate (if not excellent) piece of ceramic drinks-holdage-and-dispensage. But as a promotional item, it’s only doing half a job. Therefore:

    7/10 – Could do better!