December 2008

J.A. Cares: Suing McDonalds

My advice to you is, find a local television station and get them to put your story on the air. Next you send a lawyer over to McDonalds and get them to pay you a few million dollars even though this is completely your fault. They paid the coffee spilling lady so they will pay you. Next, dump your wife claiming she cheated on you with one of the people who saw her picture. Finally, cash the check and open your own porn site where you paid sexy women to take bad camera phone pictures and upload them. You can claim they are stolen and rake in the cash because at heart most of us are perverted bastards. [...]

The Black Friday Report

Have you even been to someone’s home who you know has an awful job and yet has an awesome fifty-one inch HDTV? Chances are if they did not steal it, they got it on black Friday. These bargain hunters will camp outside your local electronics store for up to ten hours to get that television half off. Normal men who would never be caught in a mall will load up their truck with beer and head out ready to do battle to get in, get the deal and get out. [...]