Question of the Week : What is the scariest thing you have ever seen?

Every week the ObscureInternet Forum ponders a Question of the Week, this week it is What is the scariest thing you’ve ever seen?

GLeN

Arghhhhhhh!
Horror
and on a more serious/personal level this…
Car Crash
The remains of the car after a seven car pile up, fortunately no one was hurt.

Crag

Coming home to find the front door wide open, that was easily the scariest thing ever to happen to me. Turned out it was just the wind that had blown it open after it not being closed properly but to think someone could still be in your house. Not nice stuff.

Nic

A ghost in my brother’s bedroom in my mum and dad’s old house. Their old house was well haunted, built on top of an old pit where there had been a massive mining disaster years ago…having said that, in this flat, I’ve had at least 2 VERY spooky images recorded on my phone…maybe it’s me they are attracted to!

Mick

A school mate burning – almost to his death – Six foot in front of me. Other than that the Tarantulas in the bathroom that our lass has to kill for me

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Ask the Fucking Professor

Welcome to Ask the Fucking Professor. If you have a question or a problem that cannot be answered by anyone, do not despair, you can always Ask the Professor! If Professor Lazarus can’t find the answer then there probably isn’t one.

Do aeroplanes have horns?
john_lillie

Yes, this is because the majority of modern airplanes no longer use avionic fuel rather a powerful blend of nitroglycerin and African bull elephant sex sugar. Sex sugar, as regular readers will recall, is the main “fuel” for mammals, in 1988 a failed experiment to try and cull the African Elephant by stapling TNT into their scrotem and detonating it yielded unexpected results, instead of de-ballifying the creature it shot it over 7 miles, coming to rest abrubtly into the side of hill, initially disappointed the scientist quickly realized the significance of this discovery, if a small amount of TNT and sex sugar has that energy surly it could be used to as an alternative shampoo, this was quickly dismissed and another, even better use was found. Airplaniation Fuel. After a few trial and errors the correct formula was created and we now have the fuel that 98% of all planes use today.The Horn is simply to blow out the waste product.

Who stood on the grassy knoll?
pogroy

The infamous international assassin, code named Saga stood on that knoll that fateful day, however it was not he who pulled the trigger, it was old rival from Russia, code named “Lost” who took the handsome President down with a modified GPEP that fired Jaffa Cakes. Only a single round was fired and this has become known in FUTWEP circles as the “Magic Jaffa Cake”

What will end sooner the Viduka contract saga or Lost?
pogroy

On current form I would have to root for Saga to take out Viduka, Lost has been wanning recently and lives pretty much on his reputation for de-living JFK.

How come Fred Flintstone doesn’t go through the window like his Tiger does?
Tom_Fun

Unlike most of my answers I cannot scientifically guarantee my answer but a very well educated guess would be he could not fit his fucking fat arse through the window.

Blappo. If you have a question for the Professor, send an email to Professor@ObscureInternet.com or post it in the forum.

Question of the Week : What is the best invention?

Every week the ObscureInternet Forum ponders a Question of the Week, this week it is what is the best invention?

Lazarus

Bottle Opener

Grey

Forget the damn corkscrew… the WINE is the best invention!

Nic

my snazzy cork screw, makes it VERY easy to open the wine, ahhh..
Bottle Opener

GLeN

Teh pron
Busty Porn

HansIsland

Elvis
Elvis was, ofcourse the brainchild of Nikola Tesla. In 1903 whilst on a 3 day ‘bender’ with lesser known Albert Einstein; Nikola thought of creating a popular idol, that would get more powerfull in modern culture the less people cared.

Indeed the Elvis spelled backwards (sivle) is a the Serbian shortform of the old saying: ‘like flies to a lump of shit’.

Indeed the invention continues today with ‘X-Factor’ (the less people give a shit the more idiots watch it)….

Scribber

Without question….
Internet

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Music Reviews – Pentasonic

Pentasonic logoBand members

Vocals – Vitez
Guitar – Rolland Rock
Keyboard – Lady H
Drums – Chun Leek
Bass guitar – Steve

Pentasonic

It’s no secret that I am not a fan of female vocalists in bands. I believe that very few ‘cut the mustard’ but Pentasonic’s front woman, Vitez, certainly pulls it off. With her strong bluesy vocals and unique style, she has the ability to belt out a tune.

The album boasts an eclectic mix; from the smooth ballad of ‘Six Years’ to the heavy bass line of ‘Show of Hands’. With its hypnotising intro from Chun, ‘Caveman’ is my personal favourite. ‘Apathy’, ‘What Do You Know’ and ‘Show of Hands’ are brilliant tunes which indicate the quality of this bands talent. You can listen to a selection of Pentasonic’s music if you visit their MySpace page: http://myspace.com/pentasonic

Pentasonic have spent most of August touring London and the South West.
I was fortunate enough to see them twice and this is one band who know how to perform. Vitez’s ballsy stage presence demands attention from the crowd. The obvious passion that each musician has for their instrument and each other is pure class. Too many bands consist of conflicting egos but the close rapport between these guys, both on and off stage, is truly something to behold.

Pentasonic have a number of free cds to give away. You can visit their MySpace page (above) or you can e-mail the guys with your name and full postal address pentapeople@googlemail.com

Missy :o)

Surviving College

Austin Says: Tips for Everyday Life
Surviving College.

Hello. My name is Austin and these are my tips for everyday life. These tips are about surviving in the college atmosphere. For those of you that are not from the US of A when I say college I mean wherever you go after grade school. For most of the rest of the world (and in actuality the United States) this is called University or Uni.
The first thing you should do is get to know your Dorm/Room/Flat/Suite mates. They are going to be your go-to guys for information on the school, parties and attractive females. It is also important that you get to know them because there’s a large chance that by the time you get here you still aren’t allowed to buy booze. I am willing to bet a fiver one of your mates can.

The next but just as important step is to get to know the tech guys on campus. The reason for this is very simple to understand. Almost every campus has an amazing internet connection. Almost every internet connection on every campus has some form of port blocking that stops anything from online games to torrent from working. Most of the tech guys can remove or alter the port blocking for your pc thus allowing you amazing speeds and amazing capabilities. It is vital that you get to know them.

The third thing you must do is the hardest: never, ever grow up. A lot of people go off to college as one person and come back as another. This is a horrible thing. Anytime you do something you should think “Would I have done then 6 months ago?” pokie magic if the answer is “no” then don’t do it! It is very vital that you don’t change. College is a people changing machine designed to produce what they believe is the ideal person. Don’t let them make you a puppet!

The fourth is to get to know an English professor. This is also very vital. A good English professor will not mind you constantly sending him papers for other classes to read over and proof read. This will improve your grades in other classes as you appear well read and educated. The best part of this tip is that no one else does it. No one else in your class is getting their papers edited by someone as smart as the professor so you will stand out as one of the brightest bulbs in the barrels. If bulbs came in barrels that is.

The fifth step is to pay very close attention to everything. If you are an auditorial learner then bring a boom mic and hold it over your teachers head the whole time. If you are a visual learner then ask your teacher to draw you diagrams when you are stuck on a subject. If you are a textile learner then write your notes over and over a hundred times until they stick.

The last step is to calm the hell down. Everyone gets nervous in college and it’s very natural. Try some breathing exercises and learn what makes you nervous in order to avoid it. If you can’t seem to calm down then take up smoking. While you might start getting nicotine withdrawals during class it will allow you to calm down before a test and while studying. Smoking forces you to breath in deep which in turn relaxes you.

If you follow all of these tips then a good career in college is almost guaranteed. Also guaranteed is cancer and liver failure.

Ask the Fucking Professor

Welcome to Ask the Fucking Professor. If you have a question or a problem that cannot be answered by anyone, do not despair, you can always Ask the Professor! If Professor Lazarus can’t find the answer then there probably isn’t one.

What’s super about Super Noodles?
bulletnut

Its unique to ability to become weak, limp and lifeless when in contact with Kryptonite, (AKA Boiling water)

Is a Jaffa cake a cake or a biscuit?
TeessideCleveland

Neither, the humble Jaffa Cake is categorized as “Weaponised confectionary” It use through history as a weapon of mass destruction is well renown, Hitler called them “War Winners” Churchill used them to poison the Dutch. Little has changed and today’s Jaffa Cake strikes fear into the hearts of the most hardened soldier. Its also a great substitute for ball bearings.

How come bullet holes were repaired instantly on the A-Team van
bandito

A little known fact about the A-Team TV series is that it was a test bed for future weapons. “FUTWEP’s” as they are known in the deathification trade, The A-Team van was constructed using one of these FUTWEP materials, polymographical steel, or MEMSTEL as its known in the FUTWEP Metallurgical division (FUTWEPMETDIV) FUTWEPMETDIV tested MEMSTEL on the show with terrific effect, in one episode the van was peppered with 700 rounds of munitions yet moments later it was if it was never touched. Other FUTWEP’s that where tried where helicopters that could crash into mountains without a fatality, open top jeeps that could land on the roof without such as a scratch to the unprotected drivers and of course, FUTWEPS ultimate weapon, George Peppard. (GPEP)

Can dogs look up?
Tom_Fun

Dogs a very self-centered and self-regarding, they rarely acknowledge the talents and successes of other dogs, the concept of looking up to another dog is bordering on the ridiculous.

Shazam. If you have a question for the Professor, send an email to Professor@ObscureInternet.com or post it in the forum