Ask the Fucking Professor

Welcome to Ask the Fucking Professor. If you have a question or a problem that cannot be answered by anyone, do not despair, you can always Ask the Professor! If Professor Lazarus can’t find the answer then there probably isn’t one.

Do aeroplanes have horns?
john_lillie

Yes, this is because the majority of modern airplanes no longer use avionic fuel rather a powerful blend of nitroglycerin and African bull elephant sex sugar. Sex sugar, as regular readers will recall, is the main “fuel” for mammals, in 1988 a failed experiment to try and cull the African Elephant by stapling TNT into their scrotem and detonating it yielded unexpected results, instead of de-ballifying the creature it shot it over 7 miles, coming to rest abrubtly into the side of hill, initially disappointed the scientist quickly realized the significance of this discovery, if a small amount of TNT and sex sugar has that energy surly it could be used to as an alternative shampoo, this was quickly dismissed and another, even better use was found. Airplaniation Fuel. After a few trial and errors the correct formula was created and we now have the fuel that 98% of all planes use today.The Horn is simply to blow out the waste product.

Who stood on the grassy knoll?
pogroy

The infamous international assassin, code named Saga stood on that knoll that fateful day, however it was not he who pulled the trigger, it was old rival from Russia, code named “Lost” who took the handsome President down with a modified GPEP that fired Jaffa Cakes. Only a single round was fired and this has become known in FUTWEP circles as the “Magic Jaffa Cake”

What will end sooner the Viduka contract saga or Lost?
pogroy

On current form I would have to root for Saga to take out Viduka, Lost has been wanning recently and lives pretty much on his reputation for de-living JFK.

How come Fred Flintstone doesn’t go through the window like his Tiger does?
Tom_Fun

Unlike most of my answers I cannot scientifically guarantee my answer but a very well educated guess would be he could not fit his fucking fat arse through the window.

Blappo. If you have a question for the Professor, send an email to Professor@ObscureInternet.com or post it in the forum.

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