Whether being bombarded by magazines flashing article or if you are unlucky enough to turn on your television during the day time, you will always hear the same advice on sustaining a meaningful relationship.
Communication is the key to show her your appreciation. While this breakthrough in advice is definitely compelling, what one has to ask oneself is what exactly the definition of appreciation is.
Let us take a look behind the curtain at one couples quandary. A loving married couple is approaching their joyous first anniversary. The husband, while a kind, responsible and patient man, does not believe in the mandatory requirements and rules when dealing with celebratory events. Simply put, his belief is: why wait for a specific date to celebrate something when you should be celebrating it every day.
The wife, who is self-sufficient, highly intelligent and confrontational, did not agree. Her view was that these events were about the sentiment and specifically when concerning an anniversary; it was a day to reflect on your love and appreciation for one another.
Counterpoint husband, for him every day was a day for reflection. Just as a true religious person does not only visit his or hers place of worship on Christmas or Easter; true love is not something you revisit only on anniversaries and holidays; it is there twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week and three hundred and sixty five days a year.
I sat quietly in anticipation, like a teen boy watching his sexy neighbor undress from his bedroom window. The wife’s retort was less than stellar. In her view you can love someone with all your heart, but that does not mean on special days you cannot go the extra mile. In her opinion, giving gifts along with a romantic gesture showed appreciation.
The husband’s final attack was in saying that material gifts could never replace the gift one has when there are with the one they love. When you have food in your belly, a roof over your head and a warm body to sleep next to, those are the best gifts you could ever have. She ended (and won) the debate by saying that if that is the case then sex should be limited to when both parties are ready and willing to perform. This drew a silence from the room and just like when your sexy neighbor closed the blinds the show was over.
Here’s my take. You want to talk about appreciation, fine. Remember that time you came home from and you were madder at the world than a teen emo band? When I asked what was wrong you gave me an evil look and the silent treatment. Later that afternoon when I figured I must have done something wrong and like a mobster in church, confessed and apologized for everything I could have possible done, it only increased you hormone-induced rage.
Finally, when I ask what the issue was, you became even more upset because I should have known what was wrong. Then late at night after being around an active volcano all evening you finally start talking about some co-worker of yours named Cindy.
You tell me a story I don’t understand, and when you are done you have this look on your face like all has been revealed and I should now be as angry as you are. After noticing the blank look on my face you get angry again, telling me that I should have remembered the first story about Cindy you told me over six months ago when you came home all upset and this was part two of the never-ending saga.
At that moment in time, after realizing that all this anger was over some co-workers life that you have absolutely no involvement in I wanted to just get out of bed, grab my coat and head off to Las Vegas, but instead I kissed you and went to bed.
That is the definition of appreciation, in that I understand that you are insane, but even as crazy as you are I am grateful to have you and you are a part of my life (like that crazy uncle I have) and because of that I love you as you are and most importantly, I put up with all your crap.