Ask…. Michael Moore

Picture of Michael Moore

NOTHING HAS CHANGED!

Picture of Mac I am a 28-year-old man and my wife is 27. I have been married now for 3 years but have been in the relationship with my wife for around 12 years, so we know each other very well. We have never had a very active sex life in all of the time that I have known my wife, witch has always been a problem for me and caused lots of arguments. Lately we have discussed it in quite a bit of detail and got every thing out in the open, which was fantastic, and there were no arguments. But at the end of the day nothing has changed. My wife needs very little physical contact to get by, where as I it seems need a little more.

I have never tried to create an issue about it for fear of things getting worse, but I feel so low at times. I love my wife very much but feel that if the physical/sexual aspect of our lives were better then our lives would be so much happier. It is the cause of so many arguments and bad feeling between us. I realise that my wife has a lower sex drive that me but is that it? Do we just have to except it and get on with our lives? I’ve tried to suppress my feelings and tell myself that I just need to deal with it but it keeps coming back

We have a son now who is 17 months and I have been told that a woman becomes less sexually active after the birth of a child but in all honesty it’s been the same since the day we met. Nothing has changed I really am fighting to keep my marriage afloat. What can I Do? I’m at the end of my tether.

Mac

Mike Replies-

Well Mac, looks like your in a real pickle here. I’ve done some digging into the background of your wife and I think I can explain her low sex drive, during the 2000 Bush election she worked on the Fox news “decision desk” basically these guys decide what news is aired and when, on the night of the election your wife was working closely with John Ellis, head of the “decision desk” and co-incidentally just happened to be first cousin of George Dubya,. Fox was the first to name Bush the winner.Now I am not suggesting your wife was part of the conspiracy that illegally brought Dubya back to power, but the fact that she no longer wants to do the do is a clear indication of guilt. I can get 10 physiatrists to sign an affidavit to this effect in a New-York second.

I DON’T WANT TO GET MARRIED

Picture of ConfidentialityI’ve been engaged to my boyfriend for 6 months now and he really wants us to get married this summer, I am 20 and he is 22. The problem is I’m studying for law degree and he works as a builder for his uncles firm.

When we met I really did love him and after 1 year we got engaged. Now I feel we are too young to get into financial responsibilities, a mortgage, bills, car bills, food bills etc (I still sponge from my parents!)

The thought of all this makes me have panic attacks. Knowing that my mum and dad used to argue constantly about money. How can I break it to him that I feel we should wait another 5 years ’til I have a good job with money coming in and he may be made a partner in his uncles firm, we’ll still be in our twenties and a little bit wiser.

I look forward to hearing your reply to my problem.

Sorry Name withheld for confidentiality reasons. I will check the web site to see my reply.

Thank you.

Mike Replies

Great, just what we need, another anonymous Lawyer, the reasons you state that you do not want to get married are fiscal. Which is more than enough evidence than I usually need to prove that you are a Republican and Bush voter.
Tell me, I really want to know — and I ask you this in all sincerity and with all due respect — how do you feel about the utter contempt Mr. Bush has shown for your safety? C’mon, give me just a moment of honesty. Don’t start ranting on about how this disaster in New Orleans was the fault of one of the poorest cities in America. Put aside your hatred of Democrats and liberals and anyone with the last name of Clinton. Just look me in the eye and tell me our President did the right thing after 9/11 by naming a horse show runner as the top man to protect us in case of an emergency or catastrophe.
That’s right, a Horse Show Runner!!
Stop thinking about yourself for 2 seconds and start thinking about your planet!!!

HE’S BEEN SEEING SOMEONE ELSE!

Hi Mike

Picture of GemmaHave tried to write this so many times already… I’ll start at the beginning. I have always been proud of the happy family I seemed to have and this illusion was wonderful until it was shattered yesterday afternoon.

Anyway, my dad works away from home and only gets the chance to come home every other weekend and odd days off. He phoned home yesterday, as usual, but he sounded upset (my nana had been ill recently and i thought the worst) that is until I passed the phone over to my mum and I heard him say he’s been seeing someone else!!! My Father!!! I have never been so upset in my life. My mother just stood there showing no emotion whatsoever!!! I couldn’t stay in the house so I grabbed my coat and mobile and went to a friend’s house. I spent the night there although I never slept.

I’ve always been a daddy’s girl, I just couldn’t understand how he could do this so this morning I rang him. He kept saying he was sorry and that he loved me and my brother but he just didn’t love my mum anymore. “The love has gone” is what he said!!! How could it of???… they’ve been married for 21 years in November!!! He’s been seeing this woman for 3 years… please help me… I don’t know what to do!!! I feel like I’m going to die!!!

PLEASE

yours, gemma, aged 17

Mike Replies

Now this just breaks my heart, another of Bush’s Youth tossed onto the scrap heap because of Dubya’s laughable domestic policy, let me explain,
Do you believe in Jesus? Really? Didn’t he say that we would be judged by how we treat the least among us? Hurricane Katrina came in and blew off the facade that we were a nation with liberty and justice for all. The wind howled and the water rose and what was revealed was that the poor in America shall be left to suffer and die while the President of the United States fiddles and tells them to eat cake.
That’s not a joke. The day the hurricane hit and the levees broke, Mr. Bush, John McCain and their rich pals were stuffing themselves with cake. A full day after the levees broke (the same levees whose repair funding he had cut), Mr. Bush was playing a guitar some country singer gave him. All this while New Orleans sank under water.
Its not your Pop’s fault he fooled around, he was practically forced into it by George and cronies. His infidelity is not going to make you die, no little missy, that’s a job for your President.

DIRTY STINKING SOCKS

Picture of PerthI’ve been feeling quite depressed lately, which is not like me at all. My brother (23) came to live with us a few months ago, promising to stay only 4 weeks, which turned into more like 10 weeks. After a while I found myself getting quite annoyed with him (my brother is a real tear away) and I wanted him to leave so we found him a flat and he moved out.

Since he left I have found myself missing him, which is really stupid, because I was so desperate for him to go at first. My friends visit the house and always comment on how empty it feels now he is gone, despite the fact that I have two adult flatmates, my partner and my daughter living with me. It just doesn’t feel like a home anymore without his loud heavy metal music, dirty stinking socks he used to pile on the front porch (!!) and his long haired misfit beer swilling friends hanging around. What’s wrong with me? Do you think I should ask him to move in when we get our own place in August?

Loving Sister (Perth)

Mike Replies

My speciality is reading between the lines. I can read a government conspiracy into a shopping list, and reading between the lines of your plea it is plain to me that your “brother” is a euphemism for the lost innocence of this great country. His dirty socks is the freedom of speech that has been eroded of the last 20 years, his rock and roll music is the truth that wants to blast out across the country and the world.
Its not your brother you miss, its the very liberties and freedoms that was once the corner stone of this once great country.
I suggest you watch my Family relationship help guide, Fahrenheit 9/11 for further info.

I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!

Picture of KarlaI’m intending on getting married in the year 2000, but I have not a clue where to
start. I know what I want but it’s just getting it ..

I am interested in getting married on a boat which I want to hire but I don’t know where to find one that will be big enough to cater for all my guests which will be near to my location . I am finding this really stressful and time consuming and I’m even loosing sleep over it.

please help,

Karla aged 20

Mike Replies
Well Karla, who’s a little rich bitch? I suppose Pop will be paying for this boat? And I assume Pop got his money peddling arms to Iraq back in the 80’s, how do I know this? I’m Michael Moore baby, I know all, I made some calls, rattled some cages, turns out you and your happy family are covered in the blood of American troops.
Your losing sleep over the wedding? To paraphrase the great Dubya
I call upon all people to do everything they can to stop this marriage. Thank you.

Now, watch this drive

Hume

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