Clickbait Countdown Show: Sex literally killed me

We countdown some of the weirdest and sexist stories in and outside of gaming. The episode we look at the mobile game, Booty Call, discusses an adult website looking to keep a Netflix show afloat, a recent study that shows that gamers have better sex than non-gamers and finally a man that dies due to sex.

Sex and Video Game Ads

Sex and Video Game Ads

Put a pretty face in front of something we are trying to sell and watch the masses come a running. That is the idea behind the sales model for the most part. When you look at a beer ad, you are not just seeing a sexy girl or guy trying to get you one step closer to alcoholism. You are being sold the idea of a fun sexy lifestyle that comes with drinking cheap beer just like those Pepsi commercials from back in the day showing old people drinking it and acting like teenagers.

When it came to classic game ads you have to remember most of the time these were being sold to store owners who drank that cheap beer and watched those same commercials so the same marketing campaign applied. That and males dominated gaming back then so a sexy girl on a magazine flyer just worked on the most basic level. However, some of these just look crazy now, or maybe not and you are printing these out and heading off to the bathroom.

Bottom of the Ninth

Bottom-of-the-Ninth

Here we have the perfect combination of pretty down to earth, girl next door and the great American boring pastime Baseball. For the younger readers, again, you have to remember, this ad is more for someone purchasing an arcade cabinet. So the key here is to sell the features to an older guy who most likely hates kids, but wishes he could lure the sexy young girl into his seedy roadside bar.

Devastators

Devastators

War, what is it good for? The answer is a stiffy and for selling the Konami arcade game, Devastators. Now sexy women and military hardware have gone hand in hand for a long time. In fact, companies that sell weapons and vehicles to the military often used sexy models in their presentations. You would think that would not been needed considering it’s not like its open to the public and there are other militaries, but maybe the new Stealth Bomber we use was picked because the girl they selected to show it off had the best cans. You got to love the big hair women had back in the day.

Hard Yardage

Hard-Yardage

Are you ready for some innuendo? Seriously, just look at the image for a bit, do you really learn anything about the game from it. Sure, there would be more documentation and the cabinet itself, but here we have three sexy ladies with their come hither looks on their faces and three NFL logo’s above them, oh and the word hard and the word yard. I hope you guys have the goods.

Dark Adventure

Dark-Adventure

Hey look, this one has two guys in it and a monkey! Well, at least this one looks like they took the time to stage it down at the local haunted house and even got the regional fifth place runner up beauty queen to appear in the ad. All jokes aside, at least here you have the overall feel of the game and some screenshots of the gameplay at the bottom which is more than I can say for most of the ads. Honestly, having a pretty girl here is fine, we all expect that in any television show or movie so why not an ad about a video game. I actually like this one.

Vendetta

Vendetta

I love this because it is classic. Sure, we have the pretty girl with the big hair, but if you know the classic game, this pretty much is what it is about. You have the default male in the jeans and t-shirt fighting against the leather wearing punks on the streets of Crime City. I personally loved Vendetta so having played it as a kid and now seeing this ad it really fits the game well from the punk rocker pink in the background to her razor bladed slashed jeans it paints the perfect picture. Well done.

Overall, we know a lot of guys will drool over a pretty face and soon after that drain their bank accounts and marketing firms know that as well oh and ladies don’t think it doesn’t work on you either because it does. While for gamers today it takes a bit more than just that to sell us a product, sex still sells and most likely forever will.

Sex Sells Video Games

[youtube id=”PEuKHjFjMII” width=”633″ height=”356″]

I’m sure the above ad is all about the brain teasers only. Right! ~J.A. Laraque

Sex Sells Video Games

We all know sex sells, all you have to do is watch any kind of advertising long enough and you will see it and when it comes to advertising to men, you can be sure that having a pretty lady showcasing the product is always thought of as a plus.

Strangely enough, as much as gamers can be lured in by a pretty face and over exaggerated breasts, today, that is no longer enough for us to buy a game. Whereas ads of the past could showcase a pretty girl in front of almost anything and be considered a good marketing strategy it is almost looked upon as insulting to do so now.

Sexy Everquest Ad

The infamous Everquest ad with the two models received a lot a backlash whereas twenty years prior it would have been accepted as the norm.You can’t blame marketers for placing pretty women next to products they want men to buy, that has been working for a long time just look at any car show or trade show for that matter. So it is no surprise that early video game ads pretty much were the exact same thing.

Here are some examples.

Strike Zone

Strike-Zone

Consider that in all likelihood she has no idea what this thing is and maybe the ad agency doesn’t either. There are no screenshots of actual gameplay either; I mean the cabinet is off for the love of Zod.

Space Race

Space-Race

These are your standard “presentation poses” where you just stand in place no matter what is there be it an arcade game, car or missile. The point is, pretty girl + product = cash.

Outer Drive

Outer-Drive

This reminds me of those “You can be rich too” commercials. The reason being is the game has none of these women in it if you win the race so it’s kind of a letdown. Just look how excited that girl is about that exploding champagne bottle, my girlfriend used to look at me like that.

A Jax

A-Jax

I kid you not, I have been to gun shows where you see this for real. Ladies dressed in less than this holding or leaning against guns and all other kinds of weapons of mass destruction. Again, we have the actual gameplay very small here, it’s all about the T&A.

Moon War

Moon-War

This has to be a troll right? I mean serious you think we photoshoped this or this is an April Fools ad. A game about a war on a moon and a girl “mooning” us, but no, this is one of the real ads and that is a real nice ass.

There are many more ads just like this and in the next installment we will be bringing you more so stay tuned!

The Gamers Guide to Sex

The Gamers Guild to Sex - Gamer Girl

Like with the Interruption, Multitasking can lead to trouble if attempted at the wrong time. Perhaps in the normal world there is no wrong time for sex. This is not the normal world. ~J.A. Laraque

The Gamers Guide to Sex

In the past, the stereotype was that gamers were either 90-pound pale virgins or 500-pound pale virgins. Today the virgin part is a little less true thanks to the wonders of internet communication and desperation. So now, you have a partner, hopefully someone who shares in your gaming habits or at least tolerates them enough to still sleep with you. This isn’t about sex in video games. You need to know how to navigate gaming and sex and understand all the terms, tricks and tips that go along with it.

A.F.K. Sex

The Gamers Guild to Sex - AFK Sex

Most of the time A.F.K Sex is a mistyping where you meant to type either sec. Sometimes it is a played out joke or a cry for attention.  However, there are those who engage in the quickie between games and you can either feel good for them that they are having sex or bad that it is so quick. One pro tip is if you are on Ventrilo make sure to turn off your microphone or it can get really embarrassing.

The A.F.K. Sex really only works if both parties are gamers or your partner really likes a quickie. Lovemaking should be the journey not the destination, but when there are two gamers and a break in-between raids you get the good when you can get it in.

The Interruption

The Gamers Guild to Sex - The Interruption

Surprise sex can be fun when it is wanted and legal. However, with the gamer it can go 50/50. Here are a few examples. You are playing a console game and your girlfriend is frisky and begins pushing your buttons. It is a simple matter to pause the game and have a little non-digital fun. On the flip side, you are a gamer girl in the middle of your StarCraft 2 tournament match and your boyfriend is poking at your boobs. This is a bad time and because of his bad timing he will most likely earn a faction loss which just might result in him getting no sex even once you are doing with your game.

The key here is communication. You want to read the signals and know the game before you make your move. For the most part if you can pause the game you have the green light, but this can depend on various situations as well. With online gaming, unless they are sitting in an inn or some other safe zone its best to ask before just jumping in.

Multitasking

The Gamers Guild to Sex - Gamer Girl Multitasking

If done correctly and at the right time this should award a real life achievement. Multitasking is when you are able to perform a sexual act while gaming. An example would be third base while playing Diablo 3 at your desk. You earn more point’s dependent on the act and the game. I will keep it clean so use your imagination, but if you are playing a game that requires a lot of concentration and split second timing and you can still preform or be preformed on, then you earn a higher score.

Like with the Interruption, Multitasking can lead to trouble if attempted at the wrong time. Perhaps in the normal world there is no wrong time for sex. This is not the normal world.

Victory or Defeat

The Gamers Guild to Sex - Victory

Victory or Defeat is great because it can work if you are a gamer or not. Simply put either way you have sex, but the why it is initiated depends on if you win or lose your game. Say, you just downed a boss in World of Warcraft for the first time. In this case, it could start out with a victory cheer followed by a passionate make-out session.

Take that same boss victory, but say you missed the roll on that one item you have been dying for. Now, the approach is more of condolence and comfort, kind of like hitting on a widow after a funeral, but less sleazy. The key here is not to dwell too much on the loss because you do not want to kill the mood. However, a good roll in the sack can cure most gaming blues.

The Duel

The Gamers Guild to Sex - The Duel

This is a game two gamers can play, the goal is to get the other to stop playing a game and take you to the bedroom or right there if possible.  I say this is for gamers because you both should know it is ok to try this because either the game can be paused or it is not that important. Nine out of ten times the female will win the duel because they just pwn us in that department, but if you can get her worked up first then you just might earn an achievement of your own. Just make sure to follow through and don’t choke.

Safety First

The Gamers Guild to Sex - PSP Lick

So there are just a few you gamer couples can play around with. You can have a happy sex life and still remain a gamer if you work at it and communication is paramount be it in person or vent or whispers in your favorite MMO. The questions we pose to you is how many of these have you don’t and what others have you created or done yourself?