Ask the Fucking Professor

Welcome to Ask the Fucking Professor.

If you have a question or a problem that cannot be answered by anyone, do not despair, you can always Ask the Professor! If Professor Lazarus can”t find the answer then there probably isn”t one.

Strawberries and Champagne are a hit with women, what other laxetives make them feel really special?
hansisland

The softening of stools is only one benefit of strawberries and champagne and oddly not one that increases La”Amour in a lady. The special compound that can be found in these luxury items is called “Sex Sugar” a natural element generated in males. It effects females in odd ways.

The Slackening of hips.
An decrease in eye Beams (making them see in soft focus)
A release of endorphins making them slightly less irritable
And an increase in flangula secretions

Other things that have this effect are –

Money
Cars
Diamonds
Expensive flowers

As with all things there are opposites to these, for example

Cheap Flowers bought at Tesco”s
Bankruptcy
Chlamydia
Owning a website.

Hope this helps.

Who would win in a fight pokies online between Homer Simpson and Peter from Family Guy? No weapons, just mano o mano.
Fagash Lil

I ran this through my patented “Thunderdomeatron” programme and by a margin of 3 “fists” Peter from Family guy comes out on top. Out of ten simulations only 1, in which Homer eviscerated Peter, did Homer come out top.
Interestingly when I added Maggie to the equation Homer won every single round, although Maggie did not survive any of them. Proving my other theory that babies make an excellent substitute for a nunchaka.

What happens when astronaut needs a poo when on a moon walk?
Crag2804

According to my source at NASA they have a secret code phrase for such an occurrence which is “Giant leap for mankind”. However my source went to reveal that when they need a crap they simply stop filming and the actor pops of to the toilet.

Why is there a World Aids day? Surely enough people die every year of this terrible affliction without promoting it to others?
Crag2804

I”m afraid you have missed the point of this day, indeed most people do. World Aids are just a Global Version of Marital Aids, basically a Dildo the size of Windermere which is inserted into Old Faithful in order to bring Mother Nature off in an effort to increase her sex sugar output.

Its all very complicated and really quite messy.

To be the man, you gotta beat the man. If you have a question for the Professor, send an email to Professor@ObscureInternet.com or post it in the forum.

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