Ask the Fucking Professor

Welcome to Ask the Fucking Professor.

If you have a question or a problem that cannot be answered by anyone, do not despair, you can always Ask the Professor! If Professor Lazarus can’t find the answer then there probably isn’t one.

Job Hunting

Why is it, when I’m not looking for a new job, there are an abundance of vacancies I could chose from, however, when I finally get my arse in gear to apply for something, there’s nothing going.

Well basically, you hate yourself. Every week you scan the job papers, when they are plenty full of jobs you could do your sub-conscious
whispers “No, your happy with what you do, think of the upheaval of changing jobs” thus keeping you doing the dead end job. BUT!!!!! when there are no vacancies, then, THEN! your subconscious kicks in and says shit like “Pooh! you could do better than your dead end job, now is the time to change”
Then it sits back and laughs for weeks as you scrabble around trying to find another job that is not there.

Pork Scratchings
What are pork scratchings really made out of?

This is one answer you, or anyone, really wants to know.

Nodding Birds?
Why do pretty much all small birds nod their head back and forth as they walk. Surely this is a waste of energy they could surely do without?

There heads are attached to their right foot by length of muscle that is slightly shorter then there back bone.

Not so likely
Whatever happened to the likely lads?

The Characters –
Bob Ferris was knocked down and killed by a Milf Float.
Terry Collier was convicted of stealing an electric vehicle full of older but still hot women and knocking down Bob Ferris.
The Actors –
Bewes – Living the high life of drink and drugs in Nuneaton.
Bolam – Gets all the old Geordie parts that Tim Healey does not want.

Terminal Tower
If I jumped off blackpool tower, would I reach my terminal velocity before I hit the ground or would I continue to accelerate all the way to the floor?

Hmm. Well I studied your photo and estimate that your Terminal Velocity to be about 124 mph (56 m/s). A human accelarates at about 9.81 m/s meaning that you would achieve terminal velocity in about 6 seconds. The Blackpool tower is 158 meters.

Doing the math, you will hit the floor at about 5.3 seconds so you will be just short of terminal velocity. All this is based on a standard starfish type jump, if you went bullet style then its all different calculations.

If you have a question for the Professor, send an email to Professor@ObscureInternet.com or post it in the forum.

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J.A. Laraque

J.A. Laraque is a freelance writer and novelist. His passion for writing mixed with a comedic style and intelligent commentary has brought him success in his various endeavors. Whatever the subject, J.A. has an opinion on it and will present it in writing with an insight and flair that is both refreshing and informative.