Your Girlfriend to W.O.W in three easy steps

from girlfriend to WoW
from girlfriend to WoW

Your Girlfriend to W.O.W in three easy steps

I was surprised how many couples were at this year’s Blizzcon. It’s not that I believe gamers can’t get chicks, by no means, I have seen the light, but to have a girl fly out to a convention is something completely different. I realized that when you and your snuggle bunny enjoy the same thing then you are golden. So, for you lucky studs out there that have a girl, one who doesn’t play wow, maybe I can help.

Step 1: Testing the waters

Remember when you wanted to see what sexual things your girl would and would not do? How did you go about it? If your answer was drugs stop reading this now. Drugs and wow only go together on Friday night raids. The correct answer is, you test the waters. You dance around the issue and hit her up with questions or pictures or something to get some kind of hint out of her.

Now of course she has seen you play and maybe you are thinking that since she called it, that stupid gnome game, that you have no shot, but if you are a twenty to thirty something gamer you already know a lot about having no shot.

The key here is to see how she likes it if she were to play. Start off with showing her something simple like harvesting. See, women are domestic, even the crazy femi-nazi’s so if you show her that you can cook, and make clothes and shop, there’s a good chance she might like the game.

Step 2: Laying the bait

So now hopefully she has shown some interest in world of warcraft. You have got her to ask you some questions, she has seen the cooking and shopping, and you are still sleeping in with her. Now you lay the bait. Make a level 1 character, a priest is good for this and make sure she is there when you do. Show her the intro video and then just walk away. If you did everything right she should come try out the character.

Remember, when your girlfriend saw you playing your level 80, it was way too much. You had all these spells and abilities and you were in raid with leet speak, its overwhelming, kind of like when she told you about her cycles. Here is the best advice for getting your girl into wow and first time sex, keep it simple. You want it easy and straight forward; the more complicated stuff will come later.

At level one she will only have a few spells and everything will be laid out for her. She will be cold and naked which we all know is the best way to find a girl you want to take home with you. In this case she will level quickly and the chances of her dying are slim to none so you are golden. Congrats, she is playing!

Step 3: Crossroads

Your girlfriend is playing World of Warcraft, but will she stay? This is path one. You need to play with her which means getting her, her own rig. This will cost you money now, but in the long run you will save. I mean dating is expensive and she hasn’t paid for anything in a long time. Once you have her system setup, you will need to play with her because if you don’t she will either quit or find someone else to play with and you don’t want that.

Your girlfriend is playing World of Warcraft and everything is golden. This is path two. She’s liking the game and you like playing with her. She gets you now and you are still nailing her in-between battlegrounds. This is your best case scenario, sit back and watch your waste-lines expand!

Your girlfriend played World of Warcraft, quit after a day and hates it more. This is path three. Well, just like the night you went for that storybook kiss and she slapped your face, you are out of luck son. This happens, a lot. The game is designed to get women to play, but for some reason she doesn’t like it. In 90% of the cases this means she will hate you for playing it even more. There are two choices here, quit playing (yeah right) or hide if from her. You might think there is a third choice, finding a new girl, but let’s face it, lighting doesn’t strike you twice.

Your girlfriend is playing World of Warcraft more hardcore than you! This is path four. You stepped away for the day leaving her playing so you could go restock your Mountain Dew supply only to come back and find her at level thirty. Your girlfriend has Sim-Syndrome, a term coined by me that means your girl is addicted to a task. See in the Sims I found some women became obsessed with making sure everything is right in their Sim world, so, they spend every waking moment working on their Sim, and you also find this in Facebook games like Mafia and that awful, awful Farmville game.

Sadly, this is what will happen. You made her a priest right? Ya, this is where that backfires. She will level fast and somehow pick the right spec and professions. She will read up on how to play and become a good healer, which we all know is still hard to find. Your guild will like her better than you and it will be she telling you she will hop on pop after she finishes the Argent Tournament. It’s time to dust off the porn collection player, you done fucked up.

Are you sure you want to do this?

You know the risks, but if you care about this girl and about wow then you might have to take a chance. It could work out, two out of four are not bad odds right?

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J.A. Laraque

J.A. Laraque is a freelance writer and novelist. His passion for writing mixed with a comedic style and intelligent commentary has brought him success in his various endeavors. Whatever the subject, J.A. has an opinion on it and will present it in writing with an insight and flair that is both refreshing and informative.