X-Factor Week One

Well, no sooner has Big Brother left our screens, taking with it what has got to have been the weirdest, most bonkers bunch of contestants ever, than we can settle down on the sofa come a Saturday evening and delight in the exhibitions of even weirder and more bonkers members of the public.

By far the funniest and most entertaining part of X Factor, has got to be the audition stages, so lets make the most of this first few weeks of laughter and genuine hilarity as we thoroughly enjoy those people of our fabulous (if somewhat disillusioned) nation who truly believe they are talented, when generally speaking, they deserve to be locked away for crimes against humanity…!

I say “generally”, as occasionally, there are the odd exceptions who show similar potential to that of last year’s winner, Shayne Ward. Take the young chap at the end, whose name escapes me right now, but who provided a genuinely good performance of a swing classic, if only his success hadn’t been overly sugar coated by the congratulations received from his ailing mother, for whom he provides the role of full time carer…now don’t get me wrong, I admire the lad for this role he performs, but surely we could see him getting through on his own merits, and talent to be fair, without playing for the “sympathy” factor; the producers obviously like him and want him to last…

Anyway, back to the topic in question, the one that really satisfies the twisted, sadistic side to our nature that we all have – the nutter rejects!

Where do we start…? The odd young man who thought he was Michael Jackson who succeeded only in breaking the set, almost smashing his kneecaps and proving the only thing he had in common with Michael Jackson, was being odd?

Then there was the girl that just would not take no for answer, continually asking to “please” sing another song…get some self respect, a job in the local supermarket and accept the fact that you are seriously crap, woman!!

The middle aged man, who is most probably someone’s father (although if there are any higher powers that be, they’ll hopefully have forbidden the procreation of this particularly mundane gene), would he never stop???? He’s probably still droning on, abusing various eardrums across the land right now!

But the award of the opening extravaganza has got to go to the pensioner, supporting her Rose West look-alike daughter in law, who had about as much personality as a fork, for her single handed put down of the mighty Simon Cowell. Watching as her face changed from pleasant admiration upon meeting the panel, to the most stony-faced glare in the land, that could crack an iceberg at a thousand paces, pure TV gold, as Simon skulks slowly off behind the scenes, after a much deserved seeing to by aforementioned old lady, go girl! Through all of which, the plastic (Louis doesn’t like her, apparently) Paula Abdul continually giggled through her botox, but hit the nail right on the head when describing her experience on the show as “freakishly enjoyable”, which just goes to show that yes, the country that is “Great” Britain, still produces more nutbag fantasists than the one that chooses to have George W Bush as it’s leader…

I’m sure there are many more that I have overlooked so feel free to comment, and lets see what this week has to offer up!

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