X-Factor Week Two

54321… it’s week 2 and the loonies just keep on coming!

As usual, we must start with a nod in the direction of the proper talent and this week, there was no shortage. Firstly we had Darryl, very cool and a good voice to boot, but needs to steer clear of scary Sharon, must she really insist on cuddling all the cute young boys, it’s borderline molestation!

Next up we had the strangest rendition, or rather, narration, of “From Paris to Berlin”, which led nicely into the very cute, very talented, very YOUNG Paris in the flesh (and not of the Hilton variety, thank goodness!), who bravely fronted up to the panel and gave it her all, knocked them off their feet and then managed to achieve what no other auditionee, good or bad, has ever achieved before…she wiped every smug look from their faces and rendered each and every one of them speechless! Well done Paris, and good luck for the future!

Then we have Raymond. Cute smile, and definitely gave the judges a “kick in the head” with his rendition of the Dean Martin classic, certainly wasn’t what Simon was expecting from the look on his face, but although I liked him, I just couldn’t stop thinking that there was a good chance that he was David Sneddon clawing his way back under the guise of a scouse accent…maybe it’s just me.

Lastly, and I have to say my favourite, notable talent of the evening, was the extremely handsome Richard, what a smile! But again, must we cash in on the “sympathy” factor every time a contestant takes the producers’ fancy? After all, there is no need, if they’re good enough, they will last the journey, simple as that!

Right then, pleasantries out of the way, lets move on…

This week seen all kinds of weird and wonderful performances, from the young through to the old, but first mention though, just has to go to the delight that is (in his own words, granted) the raw-talented, singing, and dancing Warren! What a fringe, what a dazzling dance act, what a set of pins, what a vision of what a grown up Sophie Webster may turn out to be like, what a load of hysterical bollocks! Camper than a pink latex-clad Dale Winton, “This Time I know it’s For Real”, is he for real?!?!?!? As amusing it appears to the casual onlooker, it is with a heavy heart that I state, unfortunately, that Warren is indeed for real, and must surely have set himself up for a severe beating each time he turns up in a public place, still, maybe then he might stop mincing around believing he can sing and do himself, as well as the rest of the world a huge favour at the same time.

Moving on to Bristol, and Simon is feeling optimistic. Oh dear….along comes 57 year old David, the 5th Beatle no less, giving us his very own unique betrayal of “Sexy Lady”, all I can say is, whoever she is, poor lady…..John Lennon must be turning in his grave in regretful remorse at what the Beatles COULD have been if only David had been included in the line-up of possibly the most successful band of all time, bummer…Still, it’s nice to know that David knows his limits eh!

Staying in the older category, we are then presented with 62 year old George…now I’m not sure if George is actually quite clever, or whether he is possibly the worst potential contestant I have ever seen. I mean, his choice of song – “The Wonder of You”, says it all really, with it’s opening lines of “when no-one else can understand me”, of course no-one else can understand you George, you can’t even speak, never mind sing! Maybe next time he should try it with his teeth out instead, lets face it, it couldn’t be any more torturous to listen to could it? Or could it…

Kylie. I’ve thought long and hard about this one, but I cannot honestly come up with the appropriate words to describe this young lady, there are none that would do it justice! The only thing that I did wonder about, was whether her friends and family were actually crying at her awful, cringe worthy singing, as they all seemed to start the moment she opened her mouth, therefore, the only conclusion to reach is that yes, indeed, her singing reduced her nearest and dearest to tears of woe. However, at least Kylie appeared to be not quite as disillusioned as her mother, (I mean I know you love your children more than anything in the world, but is she blind?), until that is, she turned all “gangsta” on us and stormed off to live her dream, well to her a dream, to us a nightmare…

But, despite the efforts of all of the above, the award of the 2nd week extravaganza goes to Vicky, Louis Walsh’s number one fan…The look on Louis’ face when the chipmunk-like lass bounded into the room, heading straight for her hero was absolutely hilarious, he looked seriously scared to say the least. The poem that Simon kindly giggled out was genius and the girl herself turned out to be not too bad either, I liked her anyway and she gets my top award this week.

However, I cannot sign off without thanking the show for giving us an old Darren Day and a fat Brian May to end off a thoroughly enjoyable instalment, I’m loving it, roll on week 3!

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J.A. Laraque

J.A. Laraque is a freelance writer and novelist. His passion for writing mixed with a comedic style and intelligent commentary has brought him success in his various endeavors. Whatever the subject, J.A. has an opinion on it and will present it in writing with an insight and flair that is both refreshing and informative.