Why I can’t stand the Wii

Wii Sucks
Wii Sucks

I completely expect to catch flack for this, but I am tired of being silent. I can’t stand the Wii console from Nintendo. I understand it has some good games like the new Mario, but the hype over the system and the fact that it’s not much more than a glorified accessory machine doesn’t help. We all know it has sold. I was not one who bought one, but I have played it. Now here is my reasoning.

The IMAC for a new generation

Remember the Apple iMac? Everyone had one, it was shown on almost every sitcom, but nobody ever used it. The Wii is the new IMAC, everyone got it because it was new and shiny, but in the end it sits unused like your treadmill.

When it was first released everyone talked about how fun it was. Funny thing is every time someone wanted to play it they were intoxicated on something. I guess the reason is nobody could have that much fun swinging wildly into the air unless you are drunk.

Now most of the people I know who have one have it sitting under a pile of accessories unused. We now play Rock Band when drunk.

Old people like it

You ever heard the saying that something is no longer cool once your parents like it? Now I don’t want to get in trouble with the AARP, but did you know there is a Wii bowling league for senior citizens?

Old Woman Wii
Old Woman Wii

Yes, that ultra hip piece of technology is the favorite plaything for the baby boomers. It narrowly beat out checkers and shuffle board. Wii Tennis has beat out not only Wolf Blitzer from CNN for things to watch after 5pm, but even Matlock gets TIVO’ed so grandpa Joe can get in a game of Tiger Woods-free Wii golf.

I have this thing called an Emulator

You know what is the number one response when I insult the Wii? “We’ll you can play old games like Excite Bike” Oh really? Well, it’s not like I ever had a chance to play that since ’85. I guess people never heard of something called M.A.M.E. or ZNES. Perhaps I am not supposed to speak about those to the public, kind of like Fight Club.

Even the so called new games like the sports pack are nothing more than glorified Yahoo games with an add-on so you can chuck hard plastic at your television.

Thanks to Dumpbase.net for the video

Hey Wii, the Game Cube called it, wants its graphics back!

Worst yet it reminds me of the console wars back in the Sega, Nintendo days except this time it’s PS3 and XBOX 360 fighting it out and the Wii getting the scraps. My question is how many Mario games can you look forward too? I love Mario, but damn. Speaking of Mario, is it just me or is it an abomination to see Sonic and Mario together in a game? I liked the back and forth of which was the better franchise. It’s like Coke and Pepsi coming out with a drink together. Well Coke tried that with New Coke and you remember what happened there.

Wii
Wii

My opinion doesn’t count

Nintendo could care less with the cash it is raking in and in the age of the ipod we know people like overpriced pretty colored devices so the Wii fits in perfectly. Between the Everybody Votes channel and the Mii’s Nintendo has the winning combination for our American Idol’d world. All Nintendo has to do now is add Farmville to the Wii and the final sign of the apocalypse will be upon us.

Happy Gaming!

Hits: 86

J.A. Laraque

J.A. Laraque is a freelance writer and novelist. His passion for writing mixed with a comedic style and intelligent commentary has brought him success in his various endeavors. Whatever the subject, J.A. has an opinion on it and will present it in writing with an insight and flair that is both refreshing and informative.

0 thoughts on “Why I can’t stand the Wii

  • January 15, 2010 at 5:57 PM
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    Sad but true, I got caught up in the sparkles of it. However, there’s so much crap. Very few games utilize the motion controls in a way that could be described as not “waggling”. They also mislead the hell out of me in regards to price. When it first came out, the wii was about 250 dollars. However, a full controller (wii-mote and nunchuk) would cost you roughly 60 dollars, 40 for the wii-mote and 20 for the nunchuk. Now they came out with the motion plus add on that is another 20 bucks. So if you wanted a complete controller, you are getting plowed for 80 bucks for a complete set… Even though most of the games out there don’t even utilize it correctly. Even some of the more tolerable games don’t get any support, like No More Heroes, Madworld, or House of the Dead:Overkill because someone older than a 5 year old but younger than a senior citizen might enjoy it. It had potential had Nintendo wanted to actually make a new console instead of making a controller and rehashing the gamecube. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t completely hate it, but yeah – it’s there collecting dust unless a flagship title is released, or I get lucky and an actual game with time and effort is actually made for it instead of the shovel ware that is out there.

  • January 15, 2010 at 8:53 PM
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    Well, I found myself with a Wii in my household, mom bought it because she hoped and expected Wii fit would bring me and her together and if it shed a few pounds here and there then great. No such luck. now although I still will defend the Wii. I won’t sit here and tell you it wasn’t a cash-in. it totally was and everyone knows it. but here’s some food for thought.

    The Wii was nothing but gamecube 2.0 and the games that have been full-assed attempts at making a great game reaped just that. Great games. all using the same basic platform that the cube built. we need to give our systems more shelf life damnit.

  • January 19, 2010 at 12:18 PM
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    I don’t see anything wrong with the Wii and the fact that it’s being hyped by people who are and never will be “gamers” is a wonderful thing. Gaming as a whole is still looked at in a negative light in all mainstream media outlets and just about anybody with capital to invest would think twice before dumping money into a new growing gaming company. The Wii is just an outlet to counter arguments that gamers are this stereotype or that.

    As far as the software, Nintendo is as Nintendo does I mean what else can we say about that. For what it’s worth, you’ll be able to stream the same Netflix service through the Wii this year, and a lot of games in the pipeline and already on the shelves are pretty decent.

    Zelda Twilight Princess is like the grown up little brother to Ocarina of Time, the little nods here and there to the Hyrule I remember are great. Mario Wii is refreshing n that I’m not puking from vertigo like I was (and still am) trying to finish 100% in Mario galaxy. And there’s a fucking sequel to Galaxy coming this year. There’s No More Heroes and THAT sequel coming this year in 2010 too. Also the new Zelda game that’s still stirring in hushed tones is due this year as a Wii title. Metroid Mother M done by Team Ninja and Nintendo as a 2D/3D sidescrolling FPS Metroid game? I’d buy it. Epic Mickey? Shit dude just that fact that it’s got the Deux Ex pedigree let alone the selling concept of a gothic dark and downright demonic looking Mickey game is enough to get interest going.

    We know it doesn’t compete with the 360 or PS3 in the HD department but that’s not what ALL gaming is and I hope to god doesn’t become.

  • January 21, 2010 at 9:51 AM
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    Here is my counter-argument.

    Wii was out to prove that good graphics doesn’t necessarily translate to good games, that was the whole premise. If they wanted a beefy graphics processor (which I’m sure they will implement in the future) they had all the resources necessary to do so. They gambled, and they fucking cleaned house. They sold tons of units and made a MUCH higher margin than PS3 and Xbox combined. Now on to emulators, I have MAIM but it’s not hooked up to my TV, and I don’t own a wireless controller for my PC, so the emulator on the Wii is MUCH better. that and the fact that a lot of times games would crash on the emulator, that hasn’t happened to me once yet on my emulated Wii games. The way Zelda used the controller, and the graphics were awesome, that was I think the best Zelda (better than Ocarina). Metroid 3 is by far the best Metroid game, it has awesome graphics, hard puzzles, impossible bosses, and awesome music. Even Mario kart actually works surprisingly well with the wheel. There’s going to be a Star Wars game where with the new advanced motion sensor, you can wave a light saber like a retarded fight guy, aren’t you PSYCHED!?

  • January 21, 2010 at 9:53 AM
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    Fuck, I just noticed I repeated a lot of what someone else said… oh well… I’m glad someone feels like me on this matter…

  • January 21, 2010 at 9:54 AM
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    Fukk, I just noticed I repeated a lot of what someone else said… oh well..

  • February 23, 2010 at 8:22 PM
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    All of the awesome games on the Wii easily make it my favorite system this gen. The motion controls definitely adds to the experience and if you’re a retro gamer, the Wii is where it’s at for great remakes of old games on the NES, SNES, PSX, Saturn, and Dreamcast. Yes, the Wii is just running simple emulators for the virtual console but this way is perfectly legal. Every time you download a game rom or image, you’re doing something illegal in almost every country in the world. By purchasing the game through the VC, you’re actually supporting the developers of the games. Finally, I’d like to mention that WiiWare is a GREAT rival to XBLA.

    If you don’t have a Wii, you’re missing out on way too many great games.

  • March 27, 2010 at 10:56 PM
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    I personally like the Wii for the oldschool games. I know, I know, I too have this thing called emulator’s, which can be great, but sometimes I don’t feel like sitting in from of my PC. Besides that, there are only two games I like for the Wii. The Legend of Zelda : Twilight Princess, and Resident Evil : Darkside chronicles.

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