This is not your beautiful wife.
Goddamn you sub-conscious, for several minutes there that was my beautiful wife, that was my gleaming Lexus,
“Ha-ha your so funny! I never wanted you more” dammit she sounded like warm treacle.
Fuck you alarm clock, fuck you real life I want the dirty bitch back in the fancy car, she was going to do everything. Maybe I can have her back if I hit the snooze button.
“Catch the eggs when I squeeze the chicken, what are ya!!!!”
“I’m a lesbian”
“What are ya!!!”
“I’m a lesbian”
Buzzzzzz. What the fuck was that about, I’m a lesbian egg farmer? No no no. I want the lady back.
Snooze button again.
No dream here, too busy thinking about the old bloke squeezing the chicken, fucking hell where’s the hot girl!!!
Buzzzzz. Shit! One more go, Maybe if I fiddle with my balls and hit the snooze button again she’ll come back.
“I think the whale has some sort of gum disease. A course of anti-biotic’s will get him doing those loop the loops again in a week”
“Thank-you, you’re a very good vet, very good”
“Circus Master! Circus Master the whale is dead!!!”
“WHAT!!!! You fucking idiot vet, you’ve murdered us all!!!!!”
Buzzzzz. Oooooookay, stop playing with yourself, Now!! I’ve got to get up for work. That girl is going to haunt me all day. Fuckityfuck
So what’s it’s all about, why? what possible use is dreaming about dirty girls, rotting whales and lesbian apprentice chicken farmers going to be to me? What evolutionary value has this?
Value, none, its vicious.
Vicious, mind fuckingly vicious.
Freud believed that all dreams were significant, well I think Freud was a significunt. I know some people cannot remember their dreams, lucky bastards, but for those that can, think about it, they either scare you shitless, show you fantasies that could never happen or are completely incomprehensible.
“They organise your memories of the day and fuse the synaptic connections that make them permanent, without dreams you could not remember anything” Is another popular theory. Well I admit I do have a memory of a great looking girl removing her bra locked in my head, but oddly that scenario had not happened the day before. Yesterday I had meeting with the tech guys from another company who are building an interface into our logging system and it would have been extremely useful if my dreams had locked the memory of the required hardware required to complete the task from our side when I had the follow up meeting with my boss today, but oh no. I remember a blond girl stroking her erect nipple, Organise and lock in memories my fat almost sacked arse.
Take it from me, dreams are a curse.
El Humero, the Paranoid Human.