Marriage: An editorial

rings

Much has been talked about over the last few weeks regarding what is being called, “political adultery”. There are many people out there who have taken this opportunity to talk about the changes in society toward marriage itself. For a long time, people have believed that marriage is becoming less and less important. They say that as the next generation reaches the age of marriage they think less of the commitment and meaning behind it.

I am only thirty-three and not married. I do not profess to be an expert on anything regarding marriage. What I can tell you, first of all, it is not completely accurate to look back at marriages from say the fifties and compare it to today.

Far too often we look back on our history with rose colored glasses. People seem to forget that just because there were laws put in place to give people rights that did not mean that in the home that was what transpired.

Even as women gained more rights in the eyes of the law, in the eyes of their husbands, friends and peers, the change was extremely slow. The idea of an unwed woman over thirty was still unbelievable to many. If a woman was also a mother they were often shunned and ridiculed. Something was wrong with you if you did not at least have a husband and this forced many into relationships that today would never have been.

Once married, there was little women could do. While there were many pioneers and women who were able to accomplish great things, there were also many whose only purpose was to serve the man and take care of the children.

There was little outlet for women to explore education or professional pursuits. An argument could be made that the opportunity was there, but it is one thing to have it available and an entirely another to be able to reach it.

With little to no support by family, friends and their own husbands, many women were forced to just accept their role and deal with such issues as adultery and abuse. Even those who lived lives without such worries were never encouraged or received support to achieve much outside of the home.

To ask for a divorce was unheard of. Many women had no place to go, no outlet. Other women and even family members would encourage wives in horrible marriages to stick with it out of nothing more than how people would perceive them.

A man could walk away from his wife and family with little to no repercussion from his peers, but this was not true for women. Often no matter the reason, the burden was placed upon the wives to do whatever it took to keep the marriage together.

With little chance to make a living and barely any support outside the home, women had no alternative but to remain behind and fight the good fight. I cannot say what the divorce rate would be back then if women had the same opportunities as today, but I think it would be much different than it was.

Today, women have much more chances to make it on their own be it single, married or divorced, but we are not yet out of our embedded mindsets that I believe have lead to marriages that should have never been and divorces that were inedible.

We are still bombarded with the idea that one should be married before age forty. It is understandable that if you wish to have children then being married and actively trying to conceive before age forty makes sense.

However, this can also pressure many into a marriage they are not yet ready for. I have heard many people plan their lives with marriage being on the list of things to do before age thirty. There is nothing wrong with goals, but I believe many, when they near age thirty, feel they must rush things which again can lead to a mistake.

There are women who do not wish to conceive any children, but feel that as they get older they will not find someone they would want to spend their lives with. Often women and men for that matter, feel that dating in their mid and late thirties will only bring in people with baggage, issues and kids from previous relationships.

This has caused many people to look for their marriage partners while in college. They feel it is the best place to find someone the most compatible. I personally know quite a number of people in happy marriages where they found their soul mate in college. The key is communication.

Communication amongst your significant other is paramount, but it is also important with those around you, especially your family. Another cause of what I call, premature marriages, are demanding parents. Due to their beliefs and history they want to see their sons and daughters married and with kids before they are too old or pass on.

In many cases there is nothing wrong with feeling this way and they only have the best interest of their children in mind. However, there are cases were overbearing parents pressure their children into marriages they were not ready for.

I will skip the part of arranged marriages and religion playing a part and return to communication. I have noticed that once someone is married they are much less likely to tell their spouse they have fallen out of love.

Now this happens in all relationships, but it seems that once married the idea of telling someone you vowed to spend the rest of your life with that you no longer love them and want out is much too hard to do.

In the public spotlight this can be even more difficult. As I said before, being looked down upon by your family, friends and peers can cause people to stay in a marriage they would have normally left. It is not honorable to remain in a marriage only to cheat and lie and hide things from your spouse. Even when children are involved, in the end you will end up causing more harm if you remain in a loveless marriage only to dishonor the mother or father of the children.

We as a people have become much more able to walk away from so much more. We can cut ties on many things if it is not working out. When it comes to marriage, many of us cannot cut those ties and instead remain until it causes more pain and suffering than being honest and upfront.

Till death do you part should be reinterpreted to mean until the death of your love for one another. It’s not easy to accept or even think about. Perhaps people believe you have to fight to keep a marriage together. I can understand this to a point, but when you are about to commit an act that dishonors your vows anyway it would be better to sit down with your spouse and talk it out. If in the end the best course is to walk away then so be it.

Many can come to the brink and pull themselves back to live happily ever after. I would hope most could achieve this, but just like standing before a battle you rather not wage, it is better sometimes to just walk away. I believe you can keep the sanctity of marriage by parting on the best terms possible. Sometimes you cannot win them all, but at least you can leave with your honor and the respect of the one you once loved.

Community Profile: Single Gamers FTW

Dating Game logo
Dating Game logo

Single Gamers FTW

Trying to find that special someone can be difficult no matter whom you are, but when it comes to gamers the challenge can be even harder than Battletoads. While gaming is a much more social outlet than it was just ten years ago there is still the concern of spending too much time playing a game and not enough time out meeting new people. Add to that in most cases gamers tend to stick together with their friends and less time looking for someone new. Even if you find someone 9 times out of 10 you are not going to give up gaming so the question is, will your new interest understand your gaming or will it cause a rift before anything really gets started.

Online dating has been the great equalizer because you already share something in common, that being you both used online dating and at least have some computer experience. Secondly you can search for the type of person you want and take a chance. Most of the time you will know if your gaming will become an issue before the first date. However, sometimes diving into the public pool isn’t the best solution maybe the key is finding a special group that fits your specific wants and needs.

Believe it or not some gamers have found their special someone within a game. World of Warcraft has been really good at connecting two gamers together. Now to be fair it does not always become a happy ending, but the ability to meet someone within a game offers a special dynamic because much of the strains of meeting someone and the opening conversation is lessoned because you already have interacted with someone. This happens in game lobbies as well from Xbox Live to Stream and even Ventrilo.

Specialized dating sites are nothing new, but only recently have they turned their attention to gamers. The idea is to create an atmosphere where the people you interact with are, in theory, just like you. Enter Single Gamers FTW, a website where gamers can meet other gamers and hopefully make that connection.

Obsolete Gamer had a chance to talk with Jose and Jason, creators and owners of the FTW (For the Win) networks which includes gaming reviews, hardware and dating sites.

Single Gamers FTW logo
Single Gamers FTW logo

Obsolete Gamer: Give us an overview of Single Gamers FTW.

Single Gamers FTW: Single Gamers FTW (for the win) is an online dating site that we have created that caters specifically to the gamer community. Unlike other sites that match you based on personality points or other criteria, we figured we’d create something that starts users off with the main interest they all currently share — games!

Obsolete Gamer: Can you tell us about how came up with the idea of Single Gamers FTW?

Single Gamers FTW: Being gamers ourselves we thought about all the resources that are available on the internet to the gamer community and the only one that really didn’t stand out was dating.  I mean in all honesty when people think of gamers they don’t immediately associate romance with the term so we figured hey, gamer’s need love too! So we hatched this idea of creating a site that would allow gamers to look for love amongst others that share their same main interest.

Obsolete Gamer: What went into creating Single Gamers FTW and what were some of the challenges?

Single Gamers FTW: Single Gamers FTW took a lot of time and beer that’s for sure!  We wanted to create something unique but at the same time useful and community driven.  I think the biggest challenge was trying to figure out how we would distinguish ourselves from all the other dating sites out there.  We didn’t want to be “just another dating site.”  We wanted a target audience and we wanted that audience to blatantly know what we were all about.  I think we’ve been able to do just that in the few months that we’ve been up and running.

Obsolete Gamer: How hard is it to market to people who are gamers with so many dating sites out there?

Single Gamers FTW: Well given the recent rise in e-romance sites the web itself is heavily saturated with dating sites making it tough to really stick out.  So aside from traditional marketing we also promoted on known message boards, social networks, and also in game chats to get our name out there.  I believe it’s an advantage we have over other sites in that we come from this community so we know where it lives and where we can talk to its citizens.  It’s worked out pretty well so far.

Single Gamers FTW logo
Single Gamers FTW logo

Obsolete Gamer: What makes gamers unique in your opinion to warrant their own dating site?

Single Gamers FTW: Anyone can play video games, but to be a Gamer, well that is unique. To allow yourself to fall into the story or to be affected by what is happening inside the game takes a particular kind of thinking. Just like movie or book lovers, Gamers just don’t play the games, they experience them. A lot of people don’t seem to understand that fact when a Gamer gets upset or excited while playing or when they suddenly cheer at the end of a level or during a cinematic trailer as if their NFL team just won the Super Bowl. Those that do though are the ones that have LAN parties together, that play different games together for hours at a time and can all become immersed in the game together. That is why we made Single Gamers FTW, to help bridge that divide.

Obsolete Gamer: Besides being for gamers what else about Single Gamers FTW makes in unique?

Single Gamers FTW: We have regular drawings for various types of prizes, are speaking with various local businesses in regard to hosting gaming events and tournaments and have also successfully merged a dating site with a social community. In the future we will also be looking at other platforms for delivering services and information.

Obsolete Gamer: Do you think in general two gamers have a better chance at a lasting relationship?

Single Gamers FTW: Absolutely.  There’s nothing better than sharing time in an activity both people love.  So if that activity is a game or gaming in general then its all that much better.  I’ve personally been around couples that have actually met due to the fact that they were playing the same game and to this day they are happily married and have spawned little gamers of their own.

Obsolete Gamer: Do you think the still present social stigma of being a gamer might hinder membership?

Single Gamers FTW: It’s a challenge, sure, but since our site is centered around gamers we feel that it helps to alleviate that worry of “oh what if they find out I’m an avid gamer” because all the members are gamers themselves.

Obsolete Gamer: What is the key to balancing gaming and a relationship?

Single Gamers FTW: I would say it varies.  You have couples that love to spend hours online within the same game and that’s their way of bonding and romancing each other while still some others have set dates that they play together and then spend the rest of their time offline.  The real key is communication, as long as both parties are clear from the get go as to what they want out of each other then everything should be ok!

Obsolete Gamer: Have you found a good ratio of men to women members with gaming still being a male dominated activity?

Single Gamers FTW: It has been slow but we have started to see the numbers evening out a bit. From our research we have actually found that there are more female gamers, a lot more, then people realize. The problem is how they are generally treated or looked upon. You would be really surprised at how many people on your friends list, whom you think are guys, are actually women. Gaming is certainly, at this time anyway, male dominated but as any smart Man-Gamer knows, it is only that way because the females let it be that way.

Single Gamers FTW logo
Single Gamers FTW logo

Obsolete Gamer: What are some of the ways you get the word out and promote yourselves?

Single Gamers FTW: We use traditional online marketing as well as targeted marketing to gamer websites, forums, and even in-game promotion where allowed!

Obsolete Gamer: Tell us about the FTW network?

Single Gamers FTW: FTW Networks is our main hub to which all of our satellite sites will roll up into.  Essentially, before we came up with the idea for Single Gamers FTW we had another larger vision — an all-encompassing gaming nexus.  With FTW Networks we wanted to provide a flow of information tailored to the gaming community that encompassed all of our sites and partner sites presenting the users with a vast array of gaming information and a community in which they can participate as well.  I think that’s all I can say for now but once we launch the site I can share some more.

Obsolete Gamer: Can you tell us about your background in gaming?

Jose: I’ve been avidly addicted to gaming since I had my first NES console so I’ve been gaming for over 20+ years. As I worked up through the consoles I eventually found my home with the PC.  I think of all the platforms the PC is definitely the most dynamic and provides the most immerse experience.  My all-time favorites are real-time strategy games — you can’t beat never knowing what will happen.

Jason: My first console was one of the original Sega’s. I ended up going the NES route and sticking with Nintendo for a long time. Switched back to Sega instead of Sony and then jumped to XBOX. I have always enjoyed all types of games; sports, action, RPG, etc. I generally enjoy playing on the computer more, just like Jose, but there are certain games that I just like to chill on the couch and play with a controller.

Obsolete Gamer: What is your favorite classic video game and why?

Jose: Kirby’s Dream Course: It’s pure insanity, especially with other players!

Jason: Tetris! Those blocks were cutting edge man!

Obsolete Gamer: What are you currently playing?

Jose: StarCraft II

Jason: Starwars the Force Unleashed II

Obsolete Gamer: How important are communities such as yours and gaming ones in general to gaming culture?

Single Gamers FTW: Very!  The gaming community has always been a very vibrant and dynamic community and sites like ours and others help to augment it and support it by providing a forum or outlet where fellow gamers can come together and share their common interest and experiences.  I believe that’s one of the unique qualities of the gaming culture, in that no matter what happens in the real world, people will always find a common outlet in gaming that leads itself to lasting friendships, camaraderie, and by our view even romance!

Couples playing W.O.W: An articlementary

Wedding World of Warcraft
Wedding World of Warcraft

Couples playing W.O.W

Studying the human condition can be really rewarding, I like to observe people in a non-peeping tom kind of way to find out how they go about their daily lives. In World of Warcraft that is not easy since people play in their homes, but with a little searching and some pointed questions you are able to get a feeling for how people behave and integrate their lives and relationships in W.O.W.

Today I want to talk about couples in World of Warcrft. We already talked about how to get your girlfriend to play and the pros and con’s of doing so. Now, let us explore those couples who do play W.O.W with quotes from them and the people they play with.

She has sex with me, but can she play?

Girl Gamers World of Warcraft box
Girl Gamers World of Warcraft box

Sometimes the man or woman gets their significant other to play. In other cases the two meet in game and then come together. We asked the question, what happens if he or she sucks at the game? What if she or he is better than the other?

My GF plays and I sometimes raid with her. She sits 3 feet from me, and is a Resto Shaman. Usually a night of raiding goes something like this:

“WTF are you doing, get out of the fire.”

“What fire?”

“The red sh*t you’re standing on.”

“Don’t lifetap anymore”

“Shut your mouth.”

“It’s your fault we wiped.”

“Why are you such an ass? I hate playing this game with you.”

We learned it can be stressful if one person takes the game serious and the other doesn’t.

Girl: Alright, pulling

Guy: Doing great hun, just keep up the threat

Guy: Need heals

Girl: you have them, just let em tick…

Guy: omg! I’m gonna d…. oh, nvm

Girl: quick, death grip this one on me,

Girl: Maybe..

Girl: !!!

Girl: Teehee

Guy: (5%)

Girl: ok, i’ll get it.

Guy: … Maybe next time I won’t heal you….

Sometimes she just sucks ass. By the way, we also discovered anyone who says Tee Hee out loud is a psychopath.

“WTF you fell again?”

“What do you mean you dont have the flight path, we were just there?”

“So, this whole time, you didnt even have the quest?”

“How in the world do you pull the whole room?”

“I’m going on my alt…”

When the music stops

World of Warcraft breakup
World of Warcraft breakup

What happens when the fun of playing World of Warcraft is gone for one or the other? What happens if you both go in different directions in the game?

I started playing with my g/f.. She bought me this damn game. After 1 and a half years of playing together she went horde and we raided in different guilds and different factions. This affected our relationship greatly.. We almost broke up for good a month ago. We stopped playing completely a month ago to save our relationship.

Sometimes W.O.W has to be left behind in order to save the relationship. Unfortunately, sometimes it is the relationship left behind.

I thought having a gamer chick that was actually hot was better than a server first. Nothing beats hot sex in-between Kodo mount runs. Then something happened. She got into faction farming for those damn achievements. Watching her grind faction killed the game for me. We stopped having sex, I quit wow, but she kept playing. I couldn’t take it anymore. I broke up with her and found a club chick. She is just as bad, but its loud music not factions runs. I hear my ex is on a ventilator now and still plays.

I found if you can identify the problem early you might be able to save the relationship. The key is deciding which is more important, your hot piece of meat or purple loot and a dragon mount.

Problem is our relationship was amazing before the game came into our lives. We got equally addicted to the game where we were raiding 5 days a week for 4 hrs a night. Having no contact and sitting down for those hours spent apart affected us in so many ways.

She quit raiding a month a half ago due to guild drama when she realized she didn’t want to be with a raider anymore. I asked her numerous times if she wanted me to quit raiding I would and she just said no you can play the game. She thought she had made up her mind about leaving me because of me and not the game. I quit 2 weeks after her and the relationship started to improve greatly, she then found out it was the game that was screwing everything up for us and it wasn’t just me.

We know drama

We have much more to cover including, kids over vent, when guild leaders are married and A.F.K sex. If you have any questions or comments please leave them below and stay tuned for part two.

How to keep your girl off your W.O.W. playing back

angry girlfriend
angry girlfriend

How to keep your girl off your W.O.W. playing back

Believe it or not there are people out there who try desperately to reduce their World of Warcraft playtime. It is not due to the increasing ease of game play or a lull until cataclysm, but because their wives and girlfriends have asked them to. I am here to help you guys out. You don’t have to cut down on the epics and pwning noobs. All you need is a distraction, like throwing White Castle burgers at a charging fat person.

FarmVillie

It is possible your girlfriend or wife is already playing this game. In it you control your avatar and manage a virtual farm. To be honest, it’s the type of farm a six year old child would manage, because you can put reindeer next to your Jacuzzi overlooking your watermelon crop.

This game is so addictive there are cases of people (women) getting tickets due to rushing home to harvest their crops before they rot. The good thing is this game is played through facebook which is another time killer. Since you have to level up and make money this game will keep your lady very occupied. The downside is she may become too consumed in the game with the finding the baby black sheep, ugly ducklings and the like. Just a word of advice, make sure she doesn’t use real money to buy stuff in game. I mean who would spend real life money on a game right?

Bejeweled

Believe it or not Bejeweled and World of Warcraft have a history. Word was around 2008 a Bejeweled add-on was to be added as an interface download. I don’t know if that happened, anyway. Bejeweled is a great game for the ladies because it combines two things they like, jewels and trying to solve problems you don’t really have too.

The good thing about Bejeweled is you can get it on almost any media platform from PC to the Iphone. The game is simple, yet addictive and never ends. We know several truths, District 9 aliens love the sweeties, bitches love smiley faces and your lady will love Bejeweled.

Nintendo Wii

Known as the Yahoo games console, the Nintendo Wii is perfect for keeping your girl occupied while you grind away. Most gamers would rather gouge their eyes out than play games you could find online for free, but somehow thanks to smart marketing and a ton of accessories the Wii has become the Imac of the twenty-first century, everyone has one in their house, but few use it.

With the Wii you can buy a few game packages, like the sports pack and bask in the glow of your monitor as she swings away playing such riveting nail biting games like Bowling and Tennis. You can also create avatars for that SIM’s feel that you can then have interact with other created avatars, its brainless fun.

Add to that the everybody votes channel where your girl can vote on hot topics such as which New Moon star sparkles brighter in the sunlight. Along with the news, weather channel and access to old Nintendo games, this is perfect to keep your lady off your back.

Finally there is Wii fit. This is a perfect way to please and offend your girl at the same time. With Wii fit your girl can work away the pounds with an assortment of exercises, but beware. It is possible she will get in shape and realize she can do much better than you and dump your sorry ass, but then again it just gives you more World of Warcraft playing time which is all that matters.

If you take this seriously shoot yourself now

So there you have it. With these three things you can toss away your new year’s resolutions like a Christmas fruitcake. I mean you could always cut back, read, workout, have sex, get a job or do a million better things with your time, but that won’t grow your e-peen now will it?