horrible movies

The PFI Tripe Award: The Bubonic Plague Award

Let me put this in the same classification as the Over-rated toiletry recipients. EVERYONE AND THEIR MOTHER TOLD ME TO SEE THIS. I HESITATED FOR ABOUT A YEAR OR SO. I mean come on, how funny can a POT movie be. It’s something so cliche’ and overdone, you long for another zombie movie, or “innocent girl learns how to dance via sexy hunk” movie. So I gave in, was bored one day, and watched Half Baked. About 353256432643634 people owe me 45 minutes of my life back. [...]

The PFI Tripe Award: The Romantic Ritalin Award

Thus was conceived Meet Joe Black, an interesting movie about how the Grim Reaper deals with life on Earth. The movie starts off good enough, as a fish out of water story. Then he meets some woman who’s father death must collect. From this point on I wanted death to knock on my door and collect me from this crappy sentimental piece of crap. Meet Joe Black was also considered for the Waste Management award. I’m sorry, if there’s gonna be a movie about the grim reaper living on Earth, THE LAST FUCKING thing you do is make him fall in love with an incessant spoiled little bitch. In fact while watching the end of Kill Bill: Volume 2, I was reminiscing of how they took a DEMONIC character and made him a SAP like was done in MJB. This is how MJB progresses. [...]

THE PFI TRIPE AWARDS: MOVIES THAT INSPIRE CHRIS HAHN TO HAVE A BOWEL MOVEMENT

How does one begin to disseminate this piece of shit? Ah yes, DISAPPOINTMENT. Similar in aspects to Mortal Kombat Annhilation, we waited months and months for Alien Resurrection, and much like that sequel of yore, we were left with cinematic blueballs once it was over. Alien Resurrection started off interestingly enough, with a cargo ship crew discovering the existence of a cloned Ellen Ripley. Along with the cloned Ripley came the cloned QUEEN alien, which was inside of her in the duration of Alien 3. [...]

The PFI Tripe Awards: The Johnny Depp Shame Award

Edward Scissorhands. Ed Wood. Sleepy Hollow. Nick of Time. The list goes on and on of great Johnny Depp movies. But, loyal viewers, the buck stops here. Johnny Depp has starred in two movies so ATROCIOUS, they ALMOST TAKE AWAY from all the great shit he’s done. Tonight’s award was delayed a couple of weeks in order to find a proper host. We needed a host to make sense of these senseless movies, so we searched far and wide, till we hit Westchester, NY. The PFI was so enthralled by what this man had to say about these terrible movies, we decided to have him present this award, as well as destroy the movies with me. [...]

The PFI Tripe Awards: Volume 1

The infamous love triangle in Pearl Harbor featured three idiotic characters SO UNLIKABLE that you WANTED the JAPANESE to BOMB THEM. NOBODY liked the love triangle. RAINBOWS AND BUTTERFLIES HATED IT. To make matters worse, the movie was over 2.5 hours, AND THE ROMANTIC TRIPE TOOK UP 3/4ths OF THE MOVIE. To give credit where credit is due, the actual attack sequence is one of the most amazing scenes ever filmed, which is why it PAINS me to give this movie the waste management award. [...]