Cybernetics For The iPhone Generation

Steve Buscemi cyborgIn this day and age technology is everything, mobile this, mobile that and if you aren’t mobile you aren’t anybody. With this in mind, Obscure Internet’s Research Division has been involved in some hi-tech human modification testing that in a few years time will be the most sought after gadgets money can buy.

Having your body modified to hold electronic components can be dangerous business, even with top Russian surgeons like Ripyerone Niploff in the drivers seat. With that in mind we opted out of volunteering for the research instead putting forward Alex Smith the company care taker. In the name of research (and money) Alex agreed to let our technology department fit him with several internal devices that could enhance day to day living these included an MP3 player, a digital watch, a miniature sewing kit and a titanium coffee frother. Make no mistake, these operations were painful. The surgery lasted more than 30 minutes and afterwards Alex was said to be exhausted, he did however console him self by making a lovely frothy coffee to bring him round from the anesthetic.

We caught up with him 2 weeks after his operation.
“How are you feeling Alex?”
“Alex, how are you feeling?”
“Oh, sorry, I was listening to the old mp3 player here in my arm, Celine Dion, that Titanic song. Beautiful, lovely singer she is”
“Fine, making good use of the gadgets embedded in you then?”
“Oh yes, only yesterday I put a button back on my shirt, using just my fingers and teeth, where as before I would have been looking around for a needle and thread, trying to get the cotton through the needle, bloody nightmare.”
“I bet you had a coffee afterwards didn’t you? Ha ha ha!”
“No, after the first one in the hospital just after the operation I remembered I don’t really like coffee that much especially that frothy type, more of a tea person really!”
“I see, and the Digital watch, I bet having one of those with you helps things along?”
“Well yes and no, I like knowing the time, but rubber straps bring on my exema, I have to keep swapping it from wrist to wrist, bit of a pain really… I might have another op to remove it in the future, maybe get one of those funny ones nurses have.”
“Thank you Alex, interesting comments there! Good luck!”
“…and I knoooooww that my life willl go onnn-y-onnn, this is the best part coming up, beautiful singer she is”

As you can see, another case of technology advancing beyond our needs and it’s just a matter of time before these modifications hit the high street, I for one will be standing in line. Goodbye non-frothy coffee.




Oh snap, Salad UK is back on Youtube and we see he will be adding more videos soon and restoring all his old ones. This isn’t a new one, but since we migrated the old Inverted Paradox posts over to OI I felt a Dubstep remix to Nartuo would be fitting.

Now as you can see in the Youtube comments below they knew nothing about Nartuo, but honestly, all you need to know is the guy with the Orange hair fights the black hair guy even though he really wishes they could be friends again. Touching isn’t it, now kick his ass!


Youtube notes:

I have no idea about this anime or whats going on, i simply just remixed it cos it looked good (lol). I have this clip because i was gathering clips for my girlfriend who will be doing a full length AMV in the future (not Dubstep) and so i thought ‘Heck, why not…’

Nero – Crush On You (KillSonik Remix)

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Mega Man E-Coffee Mug

Mega Man was a bad ass when I was a kid. He’d go around to different portions of the city to stop Doctor Wily’s nonsense. Shoot a couple of his fellow robots, take their energy and their powers, and then go off and shoot another robot in the face with those powers all while jamming to some of the best NES music. Yeah, Mega Man was a boss. I knew that one day I was going to be a bad ass just like him.

Mega Man Coffee Cup Close-Up
Mega Man Coffee Cup Close-Up

Fast forward 20 years later and I’m out of shape and sitting behind a desk writing about bad ass things. Oh, how far I have fallen from being a robotic boy that shot things in the face with a plasma gun. For awhile I believed there would be no way I could become Mega Man. There would be no hope for me to just taste a sliver of that rock n’ roll robotic lifestyle.

E-Mug Mega Man coffee cup bottom
E-Mug Mega Man coffee cup bottom

Luckily, thanks to the folks at Fan Gamer I can be just like Mega Man at my desk for only $28. They created a Mega Man energy capsule coffee mug. There should be a “Hells yes” coming from each of you, my dear readers. Do you understand the capabilities of having such a mug? I can use it to pour in coffee and place it on a bonus wide coaster. You know else I can use it for? A conversation starter. People will walk into my office and say “Hey, Umar. That’s a pretty awesome coffee mug.” I can reply with a smug nod and then chug down scolding hot coffee to show them how truly awesome I am with this E-Mug. Sure it’ll hurt but my life energy will fill up while drinking out of this mug, obviously. I will truly be that super fighting robot that Mega Man is. Not that I said “is”. He is still relevant, god damnit!

E-Mug Mega Man coffee cup
E-Mug Mega Man coffee cup

Source: The Mega Man Network