Steve Buscemi cyborgIn this day and age technology is everything, mobile this, mobile that and if you aren’t mobile you aren’t anybody. With this in mind, Obscure Internet’s Research Division has been involved in some hi-tech human modification testing that in a few years time will be the most sought after gadgets money can buy.

Having your body modified to hold electronic components can be dangerous business, even with top Russian surgeons like Ripyerone Niploff in the drivers seat. With that in mind we opted out of volunteering for the research instead putting forward Alex Smith the company care taker. In the name of research (and money) Alex agreed to let our technology department fit him with several internal devices that could enhance day to day living these included an MP3 player, a digital watch, a miniature sewing kit and a titanium coffee frother. Make no mistake, these operations were painful. The surgery lasted more than 30 minutes and afterwards Alex was said to be exhausted, he did however console him self by making a lovely frothy coffee to bring him round from the anesthetic.

We caught up with him 2 weeks after his operation.
“How are you feeling Alex?”
“Alex, how are you feeling?”
“ALEX”
“Oh, sorry, I was listening to the old mp3 player here in my arm, Celine Dion, that Titanic song. Beautiful, lovely singer she is”
“Fine, making good use of the gadgets embedded in you then?”
“Oh yes, only yesterday I put a button back on my shirt, using just my fingers and teeth, where as before I would have been looking around for a needle and thread, trying to get the cotton through the needle, bloody nightmare.”
“I bet you had a coffee afterwards didn’t you? Ha ha ha!”
“No, after the first one in the hospital just after the operation I remembered I don’t really like coffee that much especially that frothy type, more of a tea person really!”
“I see, and the Digital watch, I bet having one of those with you helps things along?”
“Well yes and no, I like knowing the time, but rubber straps bring on my exema, I have to keep swapping it from wrist to wrist, bit of a pain really… I might have another op to remove it in the future, maybe get one of those funny ones nurses have.”
“Thank you Alex, interesting comments there! Good luck!”
“…and I knoooooww that my life willl go onnn-y-onnn, this is the best part coming up, beautiful singer she is”

As you can see, another case of technology advancing beyond our needs and it’s just a matter of time before these modifications hit the high street, I for one will be standing in line. Goodbye non-frothy coffee.

Daz