Humor

Ode to the Evil Twin

Dark Samus (Metroid Prime): Poison has always been a substance that plagued any living organism but it remained passive and indifferent. It was only used for killing in the hands of its user. In Metroid Prime, the poison Phazon is not only deadly but also sentient. Responsible for the death of two planets, this entity looked to spread its plague further and melded the DNA of Samus Aran and her foe, Metroid Prime to create Dark Samus. To see your greatest foes taking your form as their avatar would fill any hero with rage. Our heroine managed to disintegrate Dark Samus into particles in the Agon Wastes and then once again by breaching the monstrosity’s Phazon Shield with a charge beam. Though defeated, Dark Samus has the potential to return in the future through the game’s savior by a Mark of Corruption left upon her. Only time will tell if we will ever see this enemy rise again.

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Game Reviews

Obscure Gamer – Anyone For Tennis?

It’s that time of year again, when strawberries increase in price, barley water is consumed in vast quantities and yellow balls are bouncing on usually empty courts. It’s Wimbledon fortnight, and a nation’s thoughts turn to how soon the British hopefuls will lose. Of course, tennis in video game form has a long and impressive history.

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Humor

The Lion, The Witch, and The Mouth Breather

Mendoza has one issue or another which causes him to have a problem breathing. Be it a stuffy nose, obesity, respiratory issues, or he just breathes like an ogre, Mendoza feels the need to place his mic either on the rimming of his booger-encrusted nose or gently caressing his upper lip area. He knows Push-To-Talk is there but he feels it is a priority that you hear what he has to say amidst all of his wheezing. All you will hear is his deep, pedophiliac breathing on your ear for moments at a time until he finally says something that is blatantly obvious to all parties involved in the situation. It isn’t even enough that he quietly lingers just to blurt these sudden non-issue comments but his voice output exceeds any safety regulation the Lord has put forth for your ears to survive and endure. One night with Mouth Breathing Mendoza and you leave feeling violated with a stream of blood dripping from your damaged ear drums.

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Hardware

Texas Instruments Bill Cosby

The TI-99 was released in June of 1981 it cost around five hundred bucks and that was without a monitor. The CPU was the TI TMS9900, 3MHz. The display was a Video via an RF modulator 32 characters by 24 lines text and 192 X 256, 16 color graphics. The ROM cartridge was located on the front it and had Audio/Video ports and a joystick input (we used the Atari joystick). The OS was ROM Basic.

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Blog

NBA Showdown

The playoffs are in full swing, but the next showdown is already upon us. With EA renaming its basketball franchise to NBA Elite and 2K getting Michael Jordan as a playable character in their game, the question is, which one will you be playing?

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Editorials

My video game Christmas Story

Seven stores later with no NES in sight I just wanted to go home and quit. I felt Christmas was ruined and didn’t even want to celebrate it anymore. Nothing my mom said or did make me feel any better. I had laid down in the backseat of the car when it came to a stop. I knew we couldn’t have arrived home yet.

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