Celebrity Big Brother 2006

Celeb Big Brother 2006, who would of thought a bunch of nobodies locked in a house would make good T.V? Seriously, who?

A Non-Celebrity plant?
My wine taste’s like soap. Is it because its off? Doubtful, it tasted alright in� the restaurant, I took the half empty bottle back to my hotel room, filled the glass out of the bathroom� and now it taste’s like soap. I guess its going to be like the Kleenex tissue’s, a mystery that will never be solved.

Rodman, what a tosser.
“Write an article on Celebrity Big Brother!” the editor of Obscure bellows at me on MSM. “No can do chief, never watched the programme” I protested, “Make something up then” there’s no arguing with the man when he’s in this mood, it would be like saying to an alcoholic “If it taste’s like soap then don’t drink it” ; red rag to a bull.

That bird who thinks she Jordan. Freak.
But even still, make something up?� I may only be an amateur at this game but I have integrity, I can’t fool the people who read OI, they would spot that I don’t know what I’m talking about in an instant, make something up? My credibility would be shredded

Barrymore, with the dildo, in the Pool
Big Brother Cluedo So, what to do, I’ve ran out of Palmolive wine, it’s late, the deadline has died and its ghost is bugging the shit out of me, the mirror in the hotel room directly above the laptop is obviously fucked as it there is some clinically obese bloke with wild staring eyes wildly staring at me every time I look at it and all I want to do is sleep. Well, there is only one thing for it, do a piss take article, jam in a couple of links and JPEGS and hope that the editor will do his usual and glance at the title, the pictures and the headers and publish regardless. What’s the worst that could happen?

George Galloway, we the Tax Payers are paying for him being in there FFS
Well I suppose he could fire me, which would mean that I would have nothing to do in my spare time except walk, and whilst out walking I could accidentally bump into an Indian gentleman who would spill the coffee that he was carrying all down his chest causing him severe burns and forcing him to go to hospital� where he would see a Pakistani doctor who botches the operation leaving the Indian dead, unfortunately the Indian gentleman’s uncle is a high ranking politician in the Indian government who demands an apology from the Pakistani government, who obviously do not back down and after a couple of weeks of rhetoric the situation escalates to a point where India is ready to deploy nuclear weapons against Pakistan at which point the world joins in and takes sides resulting in a catastrophic nuclear war that ends humanities reign on Earth.

Big Brother ends civilisation.
Or not, who cares? I’ve done my 500 words, and just in case the editor glances at the last sentence.

Bring back Jade Goody.

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J.A. Laraque

J.A. Laraque is a freelance writer and novelist. His passion for writing mixed with a comedic style and intelligent commentary has brought him success in his various endeavors. Whatever the subject, J.A. has an opinion on it and will present it in writing with an insight and flair that is both refreshing and informative.