J.A. Cares Issue: Fat FAQ

The maintenance staff here at ObscureInternet world headquarters brought me a new desk chair. The old one had a… incident. It seems you cannot lean all the way back in the default office chairs while typing on your wireless keyboard and eating fish and chips, who would have known.

They tell me this chair will hold up to four hundred pounds, I guess it will have to do. This made me think about the plight of being overweight and so I began searching through my e-mails because I remember someone sending me a question about being fat.

After a long search and three cans of Red Bull, I found the e-mail.

Biff McCracken from Middleton Minnesota writes:

Dear J.A.,

I noticed you like to only show headshots of yourself and I didn’t even know you were fat like me until I found your facebook page. I have to ask, how do you feel fat people are treated? Here in Middleton most of us are overweight, its kind of like fat heaven. I never feel out of place and everyone, ever an avid World of Warcraft player as myself, can easier find a girlfriend. How about you, do you ever feel persecuted because of your weight?

My sister made me sign up on Facebook, she thought it would help me be more social. I told her I was anti-social and happy with that, but she didn’t listen. It disturbs me, Biff that you searched and found it, but since you did I will answer your questions.

P.S. You really did not need to include a photo of you and your “girlfriend” in your bathing suits. I guess you are trying to put me on a diet because I just lost my lunch. Thanks for that.

Disclaimer:

This might end up being a two part’er again. Glen says I’m pushing my luck with these multi-part posts, but he gave me admin rights so muhahahahaha!

Simple answer, yes. I have been discriminated against, persecuted and just made fun of for being fat and it is unfair. Then again it has helped fuel my contempt for society so it’s not all bad. Let me share with you a few things that piss me off about how you non-fatties view us thinly challenged.

Fat is not a ninja

Fat does not sneak up on you like a thief in the night. If you feel the need to point out the fat person in the crowd then I guarantee you they know they are fat. There is no such thing as a three hundred and fifty pound man who does not know they are fat, so please, for the love of God, stop coming up to us talking to us like we don’t know we are fat. We know!

I gave at the office

Do you hate things like, spam, telemarketers and Jehovah Witnesses? We fat people hate them too, so when you decide you want to sell us some weight loss pills, a gym membership or a fat free Christmas ham please, just keep it to yourselves.

Opposites do attract

While it is true that fat people gravitate to each other like two meteors in space this doesn’t mean we don’t sometimes end up with someone skinny. I personally prefer a woman with some meet on her bones. I mean I don’t want a toothpick because I break toothpicks and when I climb on top of a woman I want to be able to find her, but I digress.

Some fat guys get skinny women and sometimes they are hot. Don’t player hate. If it makes you feel better he most likely is very rich with a big house and car and she is using him. Maybe she is damaged in the head. Maybe she is a chubby chaser. Either way, just keep walking because she is with him and there is a reason. I mean your girl looks alright… in the right light.

You can’t spell limitations without limit

There are plenty of overweight individuals out there who are in better shape than you might think. This however does not mean that when you plan to go hiking in the Himalayas that you should call your friend who is on a ventilator.

I hate turning down an invitation, but there are some things I know as an overweight guy I just cannot do yet. This does not keep some of my friends from inviting me to events such as rock climbing and bungee cording. I figured either they are really stupid, they are trying to film me for YouTube fame or they are trying to kill me.

You don’t know fat

I know some of you like to point out fat people in the crowd to make fun of. Some of you think you are helping by approaching fat people and trying to give advice or sell us something. The problem is you don’t know anything about us. All fat is not created equal. There are many different reasons we are fat and many of us are in various states of transition.

You might see a fat person and consider him lazy, but for all you know he just lost fifty pounds. Remember, it takes years to lose weight if you were really big and as many of your virgins know, it takes time to reach your ultimate goals. In the meantime, keep your comments and advice to yourself and leave us alone.

Next on Fatscrimination

There more to talk about including some of the misconceptions people have regarding fat people and their lives. Here is a hint; we are just like you only bigger. In part two I will discuss such struggles for the fat person like, air plane seats, all-you-can-eat buffets and fat sex. Sit back, relax and have a bag of cheetos on me.

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