I love Jelly Belly beans, mainly because they come in many varieties of flavors. My favorite is buttered popcorn which I found out most people do not like. One time when visiting the Jelly Belly factory, I found they had irregulars there. They were weird flavors of beans not really meant for sale. Now you can purchase a bunch of those flavors in a pack called Bean Boozled.
Their flavors include:
Canned Dog Food – Chocolate Pudding
Nothing says “My social security check has run out” quite like this flavor could. I just wonder, who but people who lived through the great depression would be able to authenticate that this flavor is genuine?
Skunk Spray – Licorice
I see no difference between Licorice and skunk spray besides the fact that as a black man this offends me.
Rotten Egg – Buttered Popcorn
Screw you guys, Buttered popcorn rocks! Who needs to pay six bucks for what would cost a dollar outside worth of popcorn. I was able to sit through all of that horrible Super 8 movie thanks to buttered popcorn jelly beans.
Centipede – Strawberry Jam
I just don’t get this one. I made an intern eat a centipede just to see if it tasted anything like strawberry jam. When he is let out of the ICU I will give you his findings.
Booger – Juicy Pear
This is straight out of Harry Potter or maybe the other way around. I also have it on good authority that boogers taste like salted wax.
Baby Wipes – Coconut
What the hell are you feeding your children?
Barf – Peach
There is nothing peachy about barf. Peaches are good to eat and I could eat a peach all day, but barf starts a chain reaction of barfing that prevented me from going to the junior prom with Katie.
Moldy Cheese – Caramel Corn
Another cold war treat. Is this what made Cracker Jack so famous?
Pencil Shavings – Top Banana
I knew a kid once that would take the pencil shavings from the one big public pencil sharpener they had in class when I went to grade school. Do they still have that? Damn I’m old.
Toothpaste – Berry Blue
Should have been bubble gum flavor. Once, my mom bought me some bubble gum flavored toothpaste. Yet she would not let me buy any bubble gum, the result was a night in the ER and no summer camp.
You can buy a 1.6 oz box of these on Jelly Belly’s website or they can send me a free box. Yes, I take bribes.