Ask the Fucking Professor

Welcome to Ask the Fucking Professor.

I suspect that a ‘half moon’ is a result of my eyebeams having to travel so far (and back again), that the latency results in me thinking there’s only ‘half’ a moon. But how does that explain a full moon?
hansisland

Wrong wrong wrong.

How come you told me that the tablet alone would fix the problem, but even with that AND the cream I still have itching and inflammation?
Bill

The symptoms you described to me would of been cured by the single tablet, however I have looked deeper into medical and social life, and you were less than geniune with all your symptoms, if you had I could have told you that your only course of action would of been amputation.

Why do I always feel the need to make such a tit of myself?
Bill

Ah, I suspect anybody who reads my answers already knows the answer to this, altogether now –

Basically you hate yourself.

Its not you, its your subconcious, learn to be wary of its influence, rememeber that its in for the long game, what may be a simple decision that could not possibly do you harm may be in fact the catalyst of your demise.

How come we’re all so worried about a little pederastism? What’s the big fucking deal? I say bring back the old days when good clean rape was a comedy taboo topic in itself – why must we incorporate minors to make jokes controversial enough to be worthy of regard?
Bill

Times change, I can remember when discussing a female sex organ was enough to get a laugh, these days you have call yourself “Richard Cunt” just to be considered slightly funny. Of course I have an answer for you, but it would not be considered funny for at least another 10 years.

Tonight on a very special episode of Blossom. If you have a question for the Professor, send an email to Professor@ObscureInternet.com or post it in the forum.

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J.A. Laraque

J.A. Laraque is a freelance writer and novelist. His passion for writing mixed with a comedic style and intelligent commentary has brought him success in his various endeavors. Whatever the subject, J.A. has an opinion on it and will present it in writing with an insight and flair that is both refreshing and informative.