Ask the Fucking Professor

If you have a question or a problem that cannot be answered by anyone, do not despair, you can always Ask the Professor! If Professor Lazarus can’t find the answer then there probably isn’t one.

Genderene.
Man is to polystyrene as woman is to?    

Erethylene.

Bored Food
Why does fur grow on food that’s left out for a few days, is this rapid evolution or something else?  

Basically as the food is left for a while it gets bored, to alleviate the boredom it takes up knitting, the end result is either a nice white fleece or a green jumper.

Knock Knock?
Dr Who?           

Its just Doctor. The “Who” part is added in virtually every episode and could quite possibly be the least funny “in-joke” in the history of TV
           
What wouldn’t Meat Loaf do?
What wouldn’t Meat Loaf do in his famous song, “I would do anything for love”?
     
I believe the song refers to him not travelling back to 1047 France, specifically Val-es-Dunes to stop William of Normandy winning his first battle at the age 19.

Cold Bananas
It’s quite common knowledge that if you keep fruit in the fridge it lasts for longer before it goes off. This isn’t the case for bananas though, why do they age faster when they’re cold but other food ages slower?      

Its a well known horticultural fact that Bananas are awkward bastards. In theory they could last forever in a fridge, but oh no, out of spite they will top themselves after 2 days.

Just an inch
Why are inches approx 3cms wide?        

Because if they were 32cms wide they would be a foot.

Washing machine Enders
Does anybody in East Enders actually own a washing machine??   

One of the reasons the BBC is far and away the best TV producers in the world is the attention to detail, its a little known fact that true “East Enders” (People born within certain demographic based on how much of a whining voice and chirpy yet tosspotterish personality their parents are) are not allowed washing machines.
This oddity of British Law stems back all the way to Saxon’s, during the “blood month” (Now known as November) Saxons slaughtered there livestock in preparation of winter. Now, the Saxons did not have any chimneys, so when they cured a pig via a smoking method the house filled with soot, wait, what was the question again?

 

If you have a question for the Professor, send an email to Professor@ObscureInternet.com or post it in the forum.

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J.A. Laraque

J.A. Laraque is a freelance writer and novelist. His passion for writing mixed with a comedic style and intelligent commentary has brought him success in his various endeavors. Whatever the subject, J.A. has an opinion on it and will present it in writing with an insight and flair that is both refreshing and informative.