Ask the Fucking Professor

Welcome to Ask the Fucking Professor.

If you have a question or a problem that cannot be answered by anyone, do not despair, you can always Ask the Professor! If Professor Lazarus can’t find the answer then there probably isn’t one.

Flies Eye
How would my life be different if I had eyes like a fly that enabled me to see in almost 360 degrees around me. Would I cope better or worse with my new vision?

Missed this one. Undoubtedly it would be much better, but not how you would think, although it would be advantages to have near 360 vision, the biggest benefit would be the ability to process several thousand images simultaneously, imagine how much porn you could view in an hour.
Staggering.

I must put this on my “To invent” list.

Ice Cool
Can we use ice makers and drinks coolers to combat global warming?

This idea was first mooted by Professor Dalmanker in the early 80’s, however I identified a major flaw in his thoery –

If we use ice makers and drink coolers then how will we be able to make Slush Puppies?
Although global warming may catastrophic, the loss of crushed ice and syrup beverages is a step to far. A step towards totalatarian insanity.

After I identified this flaw Dalmanker was promptly ostricised from the scientific comunity. And rightly so.

Square Eyes
Can watching too much TV really cause your eyes to go square?

Only if you get too close and get it jammed in your eye sockets.

Wind Trouble
Also, if the wind changes, will my face really be stuck like this?

We both know that its already happened

What?
How do lasers work?

They do continetal shifts.

Where?
Where is doncaster airport?

Its over there.

Why?
Thermos flasks keep hot things hot and cold things cold – but how do they know which is which?

They are Sentiant

Pain in the?
Painkillers – how do they know where the pain is?

They are sentient

Life is like a Butterfly
Butterflies (and to a lesser extent, moths) – do they fly where they like or do they have no choice because of the wind?

Its a bit of both, you see they control the wind, so if they want to go the pub they just make the wind blow that way.

Twat
What happened to Mr Motivator?

He turned into Mr Liquidated after he done for tax fraud.

 

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