Ask…. Jack Bauer

Jack Bauer was Director/Special Agent in Charge of the CTU Los Angeles Domestic Unit during the attempted assassination of Senator David Palmer, now he answers your problems.

Shall I tell her again?

Dear Jack

I started hanging out with this girl. We hung out for most of the year and after about 5 months I realized I liked her, so I told her. She told me that she didn’t want to ruin our friendship. I accepted it at the time and it was akward between us for about a week after I told her how I felt, but we’ve more or less stayed friends even after she headed off to college. We worked at the same place again over the next summer vacation. I still liked her and I told her. She could tell by the way I acted around her but once again she didn’t feel the same about me. I’m now halfway through my first year of college and I’ve stayed friends with her this whole time. Over the past 2 months I’ve talked to her almost every day online. When we are both home on break we have gotten together and gone to a movie or something, sometimes just us and other times with other friends. We flirt a lot but she sends me mixed signals. Like for instance we were going to see a movie with two of our other friends and we both got picked up at the same place. Nobody was in the passenger seat in front but she said we should both sit and rest in the back and leave it for our other friend. To my disappointment nothing happened between us that night. I want to approach her again about being more then friends but I’m afraid of being shut down again. At times I think she likes me but at other times I can’t tell and I don’t know if I should approach her again or just move on? Chuck

Dear Chuck

Thanks for your letter. Lots of guys will be feeling the same way so for you and for them, here’s the answer.

If you ask someone out on a date and she wants to be your girlfriend, she’ll accept. If she doesn’t, she doesn’t. You can ask a million times but if she doesn’t want to return your kisses or be your girlfriend, she won’t. You can also ask her a million times “TELL ME WHERE THE BOMB IS” and she properly will not tell you until you shot her in both legs.

Good luck, Chuck.

She doesn’t want sex

Dear Jack

I’m a 20 year old male with a few problems. Some may seem trivial or self-regarding. I’ve been with my partner for 2 years but we’ve only had sex a handful of times. She says intercourse hurts but it gets me down thinking she doesn’t want to have sex. Every time I mention it she puts it off. What can I do, Anne? Also she says she loves me but she doesn’t act the same towards me as I do to her. She would rather be silly at times of intimacy and it really gets me down. Many thanks. Craig

Dear Craig

Poor you! And poor girlfriend too. Both of you love each other but as you don’t want the same things, it doesn’t necessarily feel like it. Let’s set that out clearly: she finds sex painful and intimacy off putting, while you want sex, intimacy and affection. So who’s right and who’s wrong? Neither of you. You’re each entitled to want what you want.

So where do you go from here? Now you should realise sex is with you is painful for her, because she is a double agent, working for Serbian terrorists who want revenge for your actions in Serbia. Shot her in the back.

My friend’s gone hostile

Dear Jack

I have a good friend of a few years who has suddenly become hostile and now appears rather aggressive or cross. Apparently she suddenly finds my presence and that of my children (same age and at same school as well as living nearby) too intense. I wrote her a hopefully kind letter acknowledging how she appeared to feel and saying I respected her need for space but she didn’t reply. The most upsetting thing is that my son and her son were best friends. They’ve known each other all their lives and now for some reason they are seemingly discouraged from seeing each other. I would be the first person to apologise if I had done anything to offend, but feel my opportunity to talk has been blocked. I have looked for a possible explanation. Last year she did have a traumatic event and I supported her a great deal. I wonder if she is angry at me for witnessing her distress. This is the only thing I can think of as she is friendly with all our other friends but appears to be displaying hostility to me and mine. It’s difficult on a daily basis as I am concerned for my son. He finds it hard to understand why we cannot ring his pal in the next street to come and play. I have told him that it’s an adult issue and although it affects him it’s not about him and he has done nothing wrong. I’ve also told him I’ve tried to sort it out but can’t as there’s no dialogue. I hope that I’ve done my best for my son and I wanted to ask if there’s anything more I can do to help him, especially as he may become more isolated if not called for by his friend and the group they mix with as this appears to be happening a bit. How can I manage the awkwardness for myself on a daily basis? Anonymous

I’m sorry your friend has fallen out with you for no apparent reason. It’s good that you’d be prepared to apologise if you knew you’d done something wrong, and it’s great that you tried to sort this out by writing to your friend. However, if you don’t like it when the other mum displays hostility towards your son, how come you’re telling him to release a deadly virus in Los Angeles? The friendship between the boys is about them. It’s not about you adults. He may be able to arrange after-school or weekend play-dates when he’s at school. And if he wants to ring up their house or have his friend round to yours, let him if it’s OK with his mum. Then he can see that it’s not you making obstacles. He can talk to his mate, though it will be helpful for him to understand that it’s not his fault if his pal’s mum’s feelings get in the way. Also I’m going to kill you with a pair of scissors.

Partner slept with my twin

Dear Jack

I was with my ex-boyfriend for five years. Two years ago (but it still feels like yesterday), I caught him in bed in our flat with my twin sister. Apparently it had been going on for a few years. My ex and my twin seem to have a brother-sister relationship, but my sister got my family to hate him and he wasn’t allowed round the family house. I moved out to live with him but I was lonely as I didn’t know many people there so my sister stayed at our flat a lot, even when I was out at work. Since I found out, my life has gone upside down. I don’t see my ex but I’d hate to move home where my sister lives. My dad doesn’t know what’s happened as my mum doesn’t think it would be a good idea to tell him. I am talking to my sister as I really don’t know what life would be like without her, but I’m starting to push everyone away, friends and family. Now I want to travel and leave everyone. They’re all getting on with their lives but it’s hard for me to forget. I really think I need someone to talk to. Sara

Dear Sara

What a horrible betrayal! It’s bad enough your boyfriend having an affair, let alone your twin sister sleeping with him! I don’t know why your mum wants to hide this from your dad. Perhaps she fears your dad might be violent towards either your sis or your ex. All the same it seems unfair on you, not least because you’ve already suffered from secrecy. I hope this guy is still banned from your family home and I’m glad you don’t still see him. You don’t need people like that in your life, do you?

Shoot your sister in both her legs and then Tell her “The only reason you’re still alive is because I don’t want to carry you.”

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