Scambaiter – Lola Benson – I am Born and raised In Texas

I came accross Lola Benson on Face-Pic (it says a lot for Face-Pic that her profile is still on there six month later) after she sent me the following message 

Hello how are u doing today i am so happyu to hear from u well i will like to talk to u through yahoo IM on abuchi_lol1@yahoo.com

So we got chatting;

(10:41:31 PM) abuchi_lol1: Hello hun how are u doing today i am Online 
(10:41:45 PM) mikehock20: Hi
(10:42:57 PM) abuchi_lol1: I am Born and raised In Texas Dallas Sherman ……I am the only Child of my parent and I already lost my parent when I was Young. I have been taking care of myself…I have been engaged before and I was hurt by my Ex-boyfriend…I caught him in the shower with my best friend. I have been since for over 4years now without any man…… believe that I have everything that any man could want from a woman, I know that but am not saying that am the best woman on earth, but I still believe in me, and in God almighty father, I believe that one day my soul mate and dream man will surely come for me. I’m open, sensual, kind, gentle, romantic… a different lady, I’m a very family oriented, sensitive and tender person, I want to give all of my tenderness and care to my special man
(10:43:13 PM) abuchi_lol1: so tell me a Little about your self
(10:43:43 PM) mikehock20: I am Mike, from LA. I’m 27 single with no kids
(10:43:48 PM) mikehock20: What else do you need to know
(10:45:50 PM) abuchi_lol1: what do u do for a Living 
(10:45:56 PM) mikehock20: I’m a actor
(10:46:08 PM) abuchi_lol1: Ohh that is nice
(10:51:25 PM) abuchi_lol1: well i am Looking for a man that will show me Love
(10:53:38 PM) mikehock20: So how is your life in Texas?
(10:55:02 PM) abuchi_lol1: well i am Not in Texas right now i am In a Country Named Nigeria i am here with my mom the reason why i am here Is Because when my dad Died His family was Treating mom and i bad and then mom now decided to come back Home
(10:55:52 PM) mikehock20: ah, you’re in Nigeria? Isn’t that a back wards African country?
(10:57:44 PM) mikehock20: wow, living there must be horrible?
(11:01:06 PM) mikehock20: you still there?
(11:01:29 PM) mikehock20: I have to go now, I’ll speak to you again soon. 

I must have insulted it’s national pride, because it we didn’t chat for months after that. Then one day, it got back in contact.

 

(8:39:47 PM) abuchi_lol1: hello there am on line 
(8:39:54 PM) mikehock20: hey
(8:40:34 PM) abuchi_lol1: am ok an u
(8:40:50 PM) mikehock20: Yes, and am very good, how are you doing
(8:41:21 PM) abuchi_lol1: am ok 
(8:41:56 PM) mikehock20: good to hear
(8:41:58 PM) abuchi_lol1: so how are u doing and how is work 
(8:42:31 PM) mikehock20: work is ok, now strike is over
(8:42:37 PM) abuchi_lol1: yes am happy to meet u on line 
(8:42:46 PM) mikehock20: yes, I bet you are
(8:43:02 PM) abuchi_lol1: thanks that means i will chat with u all the time 
(8:43:14 PM) mikehock20: that is good news
(8:44:18 PM) abuchi_lol1: so tell me what are u up too 
(8:44:36 PM) mikehock20: I am just on the internet listening to slayradio
(8:45:12 PM) abuchi_lol1: ok, tell me do u mist me on line
(8:45:43 PM) mikehock20: yes, I always mist you online. this makes me sad
(8:46:28 PM) abuchi_lol1: ohhh am so sorry that is why i am hear to make u happy
(8:46:52 PM) mikehock20: excellent, so what are you up to…?
(8:48:29 PM) abuchi_lol1: nothing im  just here thinkink of u an i been to gethere
(8:49:38 PM) mikehock20: what?
(8:50:19 PM) abuchi_lol1: i mean i am here thinking of u
(8:51:33 PM) mikehock20: ah, oh. nothing better to think off. You like slayradio?
(8:52:08 PM) abuchi_lol1: yes
(8:53:39 PM) mikehock20: excellent, not many birds are into 8bit music
(8:54:11 PM) abuchi_lol1: yes
(8:54:30 PM) mikehock20: I’m listening to Boz’s bit of Bollocks now, are you?
(8:55:00 PM) abuchi_lol1: nop
(8:55:06 PM) mikehock20: oh, why not?
(8:55:27 PM) abuchi_lol1: is like u love music alot
(8:55:47 PM) mikehock20: yes, It is, isn’t it
(8:56:42 PM) abuchi_lol1: yes
(8:57:20 PM) mikehock20: I’m glad we agree. So where you a spectrum or C64 owner?
(8:58:08 PM) abuchi_lol1: i don;t understand 
(8:58:28 PM) mikehock20: ah right, a Atari owner then. never mind…
(8:59:31 PM) abuchi_lol1: ok
(8:59:43 PM) mikehock20: So tell me how class I am then…
(9:02:26 PM) abuchi_lol1: u mean a lot to me 
(9:02:37 PM) mikehock20: of course I do, and…
(9:03:47 PM) abuchi_lol1: u are the onlly man that i will ever think of 
(9:04:24 PM) mikehock20: goodo, did you send me any pics?
(9:04:46 PM) abuchi_lol1: nop i will send it to u ok
(9:05:13 PM) mikehock20: try and find some nudes, ok
(9:05:28 PM) abuchi_lol1: ok i will send it to u 
(9:05:35 PM) mikehock20: excellent
(9:06:17 PM) abuchi_lol1: thanks

The following pictures arrived, surprisingly the exactly match the original picture from the Face-Pic profile.

 

 



(9:15:58 PM) mikehock20: I got your pics
(9:16:18 PM) mikehock20: went in spam folder for some strange reason? Can you believe it Yahoo are crazy
(9:16:29 PM) mikehock20: but there are no nudes, why not?

(9:16:44 PM) abuchi_lol1: did u get that 
(9:18:33 PM) mikehock20: I got some pics
(9:18:38 PM) mikehock20: but I want pics with no clothes on
(9:19:06 PM) abuchi_lol1: why that wii be when i get to u 
(9:19:22 PM) mikehock20: You gonna get me a Wii?
(9:22:03 PM) mikehock20: I would rather have naked pics, so i could see what I was getting

(9:23:08 PM) abuchi_lol1: i don;t have a naked pics 
(9:23:28 PM) mikehock20: boring, ok. what can you do for me then?
(9:23:39 PM) abuchi_lol1: as ssoon as i get to u i will show u every thing u want to see
(9:23:57 PM) mikehock20: this I like, TELL ME MORE
(9:23:58 PM) abuchi_lol1: do u have cam
(9:24:05 PM) abuchi_lol1: ok
(9:24:31 PM) mikehock20: away then, MOAR
(9:34:04 PM) abuchi_lol1: are u there talk to me 
(9:35:38 PM) mikehock20: I’m waiting for you
(9:35:46 PM) mikehock20: See where I say more?
(9:35:58 PM) mikehock20: that means more; as in, tell me more
(9:36:25 PM) abuchi_lol1: ok
(9:36:45 PM) abuchi_lol1: i told u that i don;t have a neked pics
(9:37:04 PM) mikehock20: jesus,  no tell me more what you gonna do when you get to me
(9:38:05 PM) abuchi_lol1: i will show u that i love u so much 
(9:38:29 PM) abuchi_lol1: and i will show u what i have for u 
(9:38:37 PM) mikehock20: and…
(9:39:08 PM) abuchi_lol1: i will talk to u later
(9:39:33 PM) mikehock20: what? what? what?

…And with that it was gone. I don’t know, It’s was almost like I was asking a man, who was pretending to be a women, to discribe performing sexual acts on another man.

Scambaiter – Final Asking Price

Hello we are back again with another Scambaiter. This one is just a quickie, and involved a Gentleman called Peter Smith replying to advertisment for a room for rent 

Hi, I am highly interested in making payment for the room you advertised for rent. I want to make the payment on behalf of my Daughter who intends to be at your location to further her education,I am currently in the Dubai (UAE). so I would like you to let me know how much you will be charging per month.Therefore try to get back to me as soon as you can and also I hope the environment is a quite condusive and peaceful place for her to concentrate and further her education, and note that the price will be moderate and affordable.I look forward to receiving your response as soon as possible with the FINAL ASKING PRICE.

I’m sure an offer of the FINAL ASKING PRICE would be enough for most people, but it’s ObscureInternet you are dealing with here Peter.

If you let my friends all gangfuck her you can have it for free.

Strangely Peter didn’t reply again, he must not have liked the offer.

Review – Parkan II

The description of this fitted what I’ve been waiting for nearly 20 years. An open ended space sim with trading, pirating, bounty hunting, a wealth of missions and hundreds of ways to improve your ship, plus, and this is what I have been waiting for,  you can land on planets, get out of your space ship into a FTS game again with loads of improvements to buy and develop the avatar. With today’s gfx capabilities it should be mint, and the screen shots looked awesome –

10 seconds in, trying to change the resolution from 800×600 to 1680*1050 I get my first warning, 1680*1050 was off the screen, and unselectable, I ended up having to change the resolution incrementally 4 times, and forced to restart each time before I could get to my desired res, each time having to watch the 2 minute intro that would of been ashamed to call itself an intro 15 years ago. Finally though, I could play the game.

 After playing 30 minutes the awful truth started to dawn, and after a quick google it was confirmed, its a 4 year old Russian game that has recently been translated in English, really badly as well, for example when trying to get on board a wrecked ship my AI implant informed me that “The ship won’t open its beam, better exit into it another way”.  
 Bad voice acting I can live, in fact sometimes enjoy, as long as the game lived up to its description I would be fine.

<<INSERT CLARKSON PAUSE HERE>>

I was not fine.

The FPS portion of the game is fuck awful, the planets are covered in wavy 4 foot high grass but little else, each planet has 3 buildings on them, and a population of about 12 retards who start shooting as soon as I touched down, The enemy talents included the ability to turn on “Noclip” enabling them to walk through doors, walls and in one memorable gunfight to float up through the ceiling whilst shouting “Now we burn!” in a camp robotic voice. But still, this was only part of the game, I could in theory never set foot on a planet and still enjoy the space part.  

However out in Space it gets no better, the first thing I did in Space was answer a distress call from a freighter who thanked me for saving him before I had started to attack his perusers (Who in fact did not appear until I arrived and had contacted the freighter, a clever ruse on the part of the pirates? Or a fucked up mission trigger point, I’ll let you decide) Even better, as “soon” as I had dispatched the Pirates, I’ve put soon in inverted comma’s as the dog fights take forever, the freighter promptly flew into a star, thus not allowing me to talk to him again and screwing up the mission storyline, ah well, I’ll just go to the next mission…. what’s that Mrs AI….I can’t fly to the next mission till I have spoken to the freighter captain…how could you possibly know that I needed to speak to…  oh well there is nothing I can do as you can see he has inadvertently vaporized himself and the ship in that star over there…oh, your quite adamant I can’t progress until I have. I see.

Luckily I found a workaround to this by quitting the game, un-installing it and deleting the save game files and tossing the game in the bin.

Bitterly dissapointed. Marks out of ten? I’d give it a tumour.

Scambaiter – Miranda’s profound dump

Hello all, it’s been a long while since we had a good Scambaiter. So here we go again, this time with someone calling themselves ‘Miranda Lawrence’ who wants to buy a car.

Good Evening,
Thanks for your quick response and am also excited to hear from you the car is still available for sale and thanks for the information you just gave about the car and am quite delighted to hear from you the car is still in great conditions .

I just want you to know that I’m buying the CAR on behalf of my husband as our family are expanding because we are expecting our tripplet babies soon as our first children since we got married for the past 5 years because my pregnancy is due i could deliver the babies at any time from now.
I’m glad that i will soon become a mother.

Really my self and my husband owed only one CAR at present now that we would be having our tripplet as our first children our only one CAR would Not contain us any more that was myself and my husband decided to get one additional CAR.
Without taking much time i should be arranging for the payment and shipping process right away hopefully before this week runs down.

Please i want you to email me more pictures if is still available both the exterior and interior i would really appreciate that soo much.
Really i would ‘ve come for the viewing of the CAR due to my conditions now am heavily pregnant ‘cos the doctor told me that i should not stress my self any more as a woman that is carrying a tripplet in her womb.in this case i would not be able to come for the viewing.

You should understand my predicament,but according to what you had already explain to me in your previous email i’m fully satisfied with all the conditions of the CAR.

I will offer you £5,100 inclusive the advert fees just because i know the worth of the car and more so what you’ ve stated about the car details in the advert and in additional including the advert charges you’ve spent soo far .
Presently we are in Guernsey in channel islands in United Kingdom.

Mind you that i never requested for your bank details all i needed from you is the details below where by the payment would be send to you by post office.Never give out your bank details to anybody over the internet is too risky.
All i needed from you is the FULL NAME that would be on the bankers draught, and your PHYSICAL ADDRESS that the payment would be send to by post office

My self and my husband will take care of the shippment we had already consult a private shipping company who’s going to handle it professionally for us both the shipping cost and other necessary activities concerning the shipment of the CAR.
Apart from the car being shipped at your location there is other consignments the shipping company needs to ship for me some state in uk but have made it clear to him your location will be his first arrival before moving to any other destination .

However,as for the payment am paying you a united kingdom bankers draught in (GBP) POUNDS that’s the only option and safest way for me to transfer CASH ,which am going to instruct my business associate to send you a bankers draft via royal mail.

The bankers draft would CLEARED in any bank in united kingdom my bank advised and it will take maximum of 3 to 4 working days to FULLY CLEARED INTO YOUR BANK ACCOUNT, and once you’ve confirm the payment clearance and the money is finally available in your bank account the car should be hand over to the shippingagent and papers document as well once they arrive your location.

Thanks soo much and i really appreciate your efforts for taking your time to response to my inquiry.Hopefully to hear back from you today in order to proceed further with the payment and shipping arrangements as soon as possible. I look forward to hear back from you today.
Cheers
Mrs Miranda Lawrence

Wow, Miranda is offering more than the asking price, there is nothing suspious about that at all. No, sir.

Hey wow, you want to pay me MORE than I am asking for the car is worth is what you are offering MORE than the car is worth at £5300? That is a very good deal.

I am very pleased to hear about your womb. 3 babys is really a joy I wish you very much happiness. Yes, my car would be perfect for you as the back seats are very small, just like a baby.

Yes because as you can see that the car is yes in fine, fine condition, really fine and worth more than the £4900 I am asking, £5300 is a very fine price and thankyou.

Yes you will defintitely hear back from me today, please tell me how I can get the money into my bank account, do you need some details from me?

Thankyou very much, if you confirm that this is all ok and lovely then I will stop selling the car as I will consider it to be SOLD to you fine and thanks to you.

I am very happy to hear you will soon be a mother and to have three, well that is really something but be careful because Guernsey is near Jersey and you know what they do to children in Jersey. They molest them, so be careful not to let your baby get molested.

Thankyou and good morning i hope to hear from you today with your £5300 thankyou.

Bill

Would Miranda brave the child molesters of Jersey (which is near Guernsey) to pursue the purchase of a car with baby sides back seats? Of course she would, she’s soo excited about it.

Good Morning,

Thanks for your response and i really appreciate that from you soo much and am soo excited that you’ve made up your mind to sell the car to me and As for the price which is pretty good for the lovely CAR.

And as for the registration of the CAR i shall provide you all the new OWNER details as soon i have your details to enable the payment to gets to you on time.’cos according to the law here in uk all the DVLA document must be done before you could hand over the CAR to me.<

I really assure you that my husband would ring you as soon as we have all the details below because my husband travelled to California in Unites State of America and he would NOT be back till the end of this week, i would ‘ve call you mysef but sadly i’m profound dump, i could only read and write please just bear with me.

And also the shipping company would sign all the necessary document that needs to be sign on my behalf before the CAR leaves your possession.
Assumed that the CAR has been sold to me cos the payment will be made to you first thing tomorrow morning.

and i really want you to count on me that you shall receive the payment within 72HRS from tomorrow as soon as i have all the details below.

As i have said in my previous i will take care of the shipping cost myself which have already consult a private shipping company who is going to handle the shipping process professionally for me .

Now i want you to get me right on the payment and shipping status which have arrange with the shipping company;

Firstly am going to pay you an amount which is going to cover your asking for the car and the shipping cost as well as you already knew am responsible for the shipping bill.

Sameday your bank as confirm the payment cleared you deduct your asking price first and the balance left you withdraw that in cash in hand after you must deducted your asking price for the car £5,300 out of the total amount deposited.The funds left you take it to any nearby local western union agency arround you send it to my shippingagent.I shall provide you my shippingagent details where you are to transfer the cash balance immediately the payment get to you.

So right now am going to instruct my business associate to send you a bankers draft issue by united kingdom bank base in total sum of £9,600 in your name and it’s going to be post to you via postal mail which have all ready cover your asking price for the car and the shipping expenses as well.

As soon as you receive the bankers draft all you needed to do make the deposit into your bank account and when it CLEARED FULLY which will take few days to cleared fully into your bank account my bank advised .

Mind you am 100% agree with you THE PAYMENT MUST FULLY CONFIRM CLEARED IN YOUR ACCOUNT FROM YOUR BANK as i’ve said earlier on that before i can take full possession of the car which i belief you have no problem regarding to that and my shippingagent will sign the DVLA papers and all other necessary documents related to this car upon is arrival to your location on my behalf he has all the full details with him for the DVLA and moreso,regarding the Vehicle Registration Document i shall prepare that myself .

I ‘ll giving you £300 for your efforts and western union charges out of the shippingagent money.

I want you to understand immediatly my shippingagent claim the balance from you same day the bankers draft clears is going to make use of the funds left to come down to your location for the pick up arrangements and to settle some shipping bills such as bill of lading,insurance and custom charges etc during the process of shipping and his coming down alongside with a mechanic who’s going to assist the shipper to drive the car to a nearby sea port because my shippingagent is not perfect in driving.

So right now i want you to provide me where the payment will be address to such as :
I’ll need your data for the BANKERS DRAFT, viz;
FULL NAME..
CONTACT ADDRESS..
MOBILE PHONE #…
LAND PHONE #
Pls mail me today to let me know the CAR is SOLD to me

Thanks for selling to me.

Cheers

Mrs Miranda Lawrence

If your husband travelled to California in Unites State of America you would be profound dump too.

Hi Miranda, I am very sorry to hear about your profound dump, but either way I would be happy if you called me Bill, not Myself. Thanks!

Yes that is right all of the document must be done before I can put the car on your boat so please send me a photo of yourself so I can place that on the form. Usually I would do this in person but if you are on the dump then it is difficult to make the photo hide that, I am very sory about this but once you have sent me the photo we can sort that out. 28/m/NI, btw.

I am concerned about one thing, the car was being advertised for £4900. You then said that you would pay me £5700 for the car. And now you are only offering me £9600, I am worried where this money is going, but I trust that you will get this sorted out before I take the car to the boat.

Before we go on, I am happy to give you my details. I am on 0xxxx xxxxxx. (I almost forgot the blank out the number)

I look forward to greeting your mechanic, but please, will this be a girl mechanic? I am happier in my car with girls, I think you know why 😉

It looks like Bill succesfully managed to freak out a Miranda with his girl ‘mechanic’ talk, because she didn’t write back.

Dear Dish Network

dish-tv-network

Dear Dish Network,

Hello. I am not a customer nor do I ever plan to be. Do you want to know why? It is not because your channel lineup sucks and you have less HD channels than local television, it is because of the event I am about to describe.

August 12th – I was sitting down for my weekday dinner which consists of a quarter cup of white rice and two turkey sausages (I am poor and on a diet). My plan was to spend the rest of the night watching television falling asleep to the sweet, sweet sound of Keith Olbermann’s voice. Just as I was taking the first of many unsatisfying bites there was a loud pounding at my door. At first being an African-American, I believed the pounding was the police at my door, but then I realized they would not have bothered to knock.

Setting my bowl to the side I opened the door and a man began speaking to me in Spanish (I live in Miami Florida). I stare at him hoping to scare him away but it does not work. He then began speaking in horribly broken English asking me if I have satellite service. Now while it was getting dark my apartment has a small patio with bright lights shining on a very large dish. You would have to be blind and stupid not to see it. Again I stare at the man bewildered taking a moment to point my eyes towards the dish; he still did not get the hint.

I tell the man I have Direct TV, the best in satellite service, and was about to close the door when he asks am I happy. Am I happy? Let’s see, I am on a diet that sucks ass, I work out everyday just to lose half a pound a week, I have no girlfriend, and my career is going nowhere. So now on a Friday night when I should be out getting tail I am sitting home alone in my shoe box apartment eating bland food only to be interrupted by a man just off the banana-boat asking me if I am happy. I told the man I was very happy.

He proceeded to try to explain to me that he could offer me a better deal. Now maybe I would have listened but my awful food was getting cold plus the mosquitoes were getting in. I told the man I have a ten year contract with Direct TV and if I try to leave they will cut my balls off. I smiled and closed the door and immediately went crying to my bedroom.

About a week later I see my next door neighbor is having a satellite dish put in. I also see the same man installing it. This would not have been an issue except he was installing it on my patio fence. Now I could have complained but I like my neighbors to the extent that if someone was trying to kill me I would hope they would at least dial 911. Because of this I kept quiet and accepted the dish trespassing.

A few hours later I left for the weekend as a storm was coming and I am deathly afraid of rain and lighting. When I returned Monday I found that my satellite service was off. The receiver kept saying searching for a satellite signal. I went and looked at the dish and the wires and found nothing though I admit I wasn’t sure what to look for. Then I called Direct TV and they told me that due to the storm they could not get anyone to me until September 26th. That was over a month later.

Needless to say I was livid. I yelled and screamed and cursed and then unmated the phone because the lady thought I hung up. I begged and pleaded and cried and in the end they told me to suck it up and take it. Now I was about to cancel because I can’t go a day without watching the liberal media and considered calling Dish Network, but then Direct TV offered me three free months of service and a free HDDVR. While deciding what to do I also found out you can watch Countdown on the MSNBC website. It was decided; I would tuff it out and wait until the end of the next month.

Fast forward to September 26th, it was hard and boring but I was able to make it and now I was hours away from having my television back. So the Direct TV guy comes and he speaks great English and goes to work on installing my HDDVR. Then he comes in with a weird look on his face and what he asks me changed my life forever.

“Did you have a Dish Network guy come around here recently?”

The question didn’t make sense. Why would he ask that? I told him yes and asked him why. He smiled and motioned for me to follow him out the door. He then pointed out to me that the cable from my dish to my receiver was cut and it wasn’t an accident. It was high up on the fence and it was cut in a way that unless I physically pulled the wire I would not know it was cut. This was done by an evil, evil godless man who wanted nothing more than to destroy my life.

The Direct TV man told me that this happens sometimes. The Dish Network or Cable guys will come by and offer their services and if you turn them down sabotage your system. He told me to be on the lookout and gave me his personal number to call if it happened again. I would have kissed him if he didn’t look like he would punch me in the face if I did so. I shook his hand and thanked him and ran inside to my bedroom to cry.

Now I am sitting here writing this letter to you to say I hope you die in a fire and then continue burning in that fire once you reach hell. While I got to see my lovely Keith Olbermann on my computer there is no substitute to my 51 inch screen. I feel as if you took a month of my life away and I want it back. I am not sure what to ask for but I would accept the thumbs of the man who did this to me. What will I do if you don’t comply? Nothing, I am too much of a bitch to do anything but write letters during my lunch time at work. I just want you to know you have made a grown man cry…more often than I normally do. You have hurt me more than my prom date that ended up making out with the school janitor. I want you to know I signed a lifetime contract with Direct TV and will tell all my imaginary friends never to order from your company.

Lord Obama will smite you

Fictitiously yours,

J.A. Laraque