Viagra Moments

Nothing says please have sex with me better than two senile people attempting to cook over a gas stove. I guess the smell of burning flesh reminds you of her legs rubbing together or something. Oh look, you found out you can pull that little spray thing from off the sink and wet each other. It will be the only wetness going on that night, pill or no pill. How about using the water to put out the fire burning up your table cloth?

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A Fourth of July Fireworks Story

With him being fourteen they called his mother and had her come and get him. As for me, since I was sixteen, they decided to make me suffer a little. Taking me to the back of the station they led me towards the holding cells. The guard asked me for my shoe laces and when I asked why he told me so I wouldn’t hang myself. I asked him if people normally hang themselves for shooting fireworks on the Fourth of July. He didn’t respond. Then I asked him could I keep them because I was way too big to hang myself with my three year old shoe laces. He said no.

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