Austin Says: Tips for Everyday Life – Being Austin

Hello. My name is Austin and these are my tips for everyday life. These tips are about Surviving the new life my previous tips have invented for you

If you’ve read my previous tips then there is a very real possibility that you are doing fine in school, getting with all the ladies, and having no problems waking up in the morning. This can be a hard life, I know, I live it every day. These tips should help you manage your Austin-like life like Austin does.
First, remember who you are. You aren’t just some random chump of the street. You are a lady killing, beer chugging badass from Texas (maybe). Yeah it’s hard going for six hours every night but everything is bigger in Texas (maybe) you know! Don’t ever let anyone doubt your abilities and if they do, prove them wrong.

Second, remember why you do what you do. Obviously the drinking and sexing is great but you don’t just do it because you can. I mean, you shouldn’t just do it because you can. You do it because of you are Austin’s gift to women and the world. Each time you crawl into bed with a woman you hardly know you are tipping your hat to Austin. When you pound, you make him proud, remember that.

Third, Don’t hesitate to take the day off. Honestly it is hard being so awesome. At least you aren’t asked to sign autographs (yet). Once that happens a day off is mandatory cause man does that hurt your wrist. And man is your wrist important… for like.. everything. Anyways, back on topic.

Fourth, always eat right. Now what I mean by right can be taken any way you want. I consider a dark lager and some peanuts to be right. You might include a steak and eggs. Under no circumstance should you eat more vegetables then meat or beer. Meet and beer are your power source and vegetables are your kryptonite, balance them.

Fifthly, and lastly, don’t forget where you got your new powers from. It isn’t easy being me but it is even harder being now that there are other me’s out there trying to be me better than I can be me. So if you see me out of the street being me then please take it on yourself to stop being me for just one day.

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J.A. Laraque

J.A. Laraque is a freelance writer and novelist. His passion for writing mixed with a comedic style and intelligent commentary has brought him success in his various endeavors. Whatever the subject, J.A. has an opinion on it and will present it in writing with an insight and flair that is both refreshing and informative.