True Stories from the Files of Support Chat: War of the Battletoad

Customer Service Motivational Poster

The following is a real transcript from a chat. The names and specific company information were changed to protect..well myself.

[00:00:00] Hi, my name is Agent 101.. How may I help you?
[00:00:11] Agent 101.: Hello Customer 101
[00:00:15] Customer 101: Hey
[00:00:27] Customer 101: I need a good computer
[00:00:28] Customer 101: cheap
[00:00:31] Customer 101: though
[00:00:39] Customer 101: but can play my favorite games
[00:00:53] Agent 101.: You looking for a desktop or a notebook?
[00:01:00] Customer 101: notebook
[00:01:21] Agent 101.: What budget are you leaning towards?
[00:01:32] Customer 101: 800-1000
[00:01:35] Customer 101: the won’t let us play “violent” games like counterstrike and halo at school anymore
[00:01:38] Customer 101: so i need a good computer
[00:02:13] Agent 101.: Ok here is one that might more (Attaches link)
[00:03:23] Customer 101: now i dont make that much money, my stupid wife spends it on crack and gambles on games of battletoad
[00:03:53] Agent 101.: Oh
[00:03:58] Customer 101: i need a durable one so that when the battletoads attack i can defend ourselves it get crazy around here
[00:04:10] Customer 101: but will i be able to play games like diable 2
[00:04:48] Customer 101: i just want to beat that game, last laptop i broke because diablo raped my ass and i just got so angry i threw it at the wall
[00:04:55] Customer 101: broke into lil pieces
[00:05:19] Customer 101: i dont want to spend 1000 bucks on a laptop that will break inone lifeless throw
[00:05:22] Customer 101: ya know
[00:06:02] Agent 101.: Oh
[00:06:08] Customer 101: oh indeed
[00:06:22] Customer 101: i need your advice
[00:06:23] Customer 101: please
[00:06:33] Customer 101: i cant keep waiting our money on laptops
[00:07:16] Customer 101: somthing that can withstand the strength of a battletoad
[00:07:22] Customer 101: from the mighty planet of ragnarok
[00:07:52] Customer 101: once they called me gay and ran off
[00:07:56] Customer 101: really hurt my feelings
[00:08:24] Agent 101.: I recommend this computer
[00:08:25] Agent 101.: attaches link
[00:08:55] Customer 101: looks pretty bad ass
[00:09:22] Agent 101.: It’s a fantastic system
[00:09:26] Customer 101: now
[00:09:30] Customer 101: they are immune to the color blue
[00:09:35] Customer 101: what can you do about that
[00:09:46] Customer 101: they are attracted to the color
[00:09:48] Customer 101: ya know
[00:10:20] Customer 101: once i mated with a female and produced an animal
[00:10:31] Agent 101.: In accordance with Internet Privacy and Harassment Act, I am to inform you that you’re IP, location and ISP are being monitored and logged. This chat is recorded and forwarded to your ISP’s anti-spam department. You will be receiving a notice from your ISP concerning your connection to this chat room detailing the contents of this chat.
[00:10:46] Customer 101: ohhhy maa gaddddd
[00:10:53] Customer 101: WHAT HAVE THEY DONe
[00:10:56] Customer 101: BARRREL ROLL
[00:11:04] Customer 101: TEHY ERE COMMINGIN FOR US AS
[00:11:08] Customer 101: RAGGGNARNRORKK
[00:11:19] Customer 101: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU]\
[00:11:23] Customer 101: disconnected
[00:11:27] Agent 101.: disconnected

 

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J.A. Laraque

J.A. Laraque is a freelance writer and novelist. His passion for writing mixed with a comedic style and intelligent commentary has brought him success in his various endeavors. Whatever the subject, J.A. has an opinion on it and will present it in writing with an insight and flair that is both refreshing and informative.