Pic-O-Funny: Suddenly, An Oven

Sundenly an Oven

I remember driving from Chicago to Miami and there was a huge mountain we went up. On the way down, which was a really steep slope, there was a washing machine in the middle of the road. It was pitch dark, no street lamps. I only saw it at the last second and avoided it. Seriously, how could I explain that I crashed into a washer?

2 Pac Star Wars15ClitonDinnerDrinking can cause pregnancyhungry hungry hipposI am upsetjust shut upNorth versus SouthWhile you were out

Retro Love: Buy a Dreamcast

Sega Dreamcast Logo

It’s been quite some time since I’ve got my brand new, but also (and that’s quite an oxymoron) second hand, SEGA Dreamcast, and let me tell you, I am as happy a punter as one can be. I’m a 100% converted and a newborn SEGA fanboy (well, not a boy in the full sense, but you get the idea… at least I’m not in my thirties just yet). I’m also rather thankful to the Dreamcast Junkyard for fuelling my DC obsession.

All things considered I’m thankful to dear Mr. Elderly too, for providing this blog’s comments space with a healthy dose of Irish surrealism, but that’s definitely none of your business. All you should focus on is buying a Dreamcast (unless of course you already got one, in which case you should consider buying a second). Why? Well, because…

1) It’s a matter of price.

The Dreamcast is dead cheap. You should be able to buy a brand new one for less than 80$ (that’s 60 euros) over at Lik-Sang (try clicking on the banner at the end of the article to see for yourself), or follow my example and buy a second hand one, either at e-bay or at your local second-hand-store-bazaar-whatever for quite a bit less than 50$. And this is paying for a 100% current-gen console.
Sega Dreamcast Console
the Dreamcast (via)

2) It’s the bleeding hardware

It doesn’t only look smart, it is smart. SEGA’s Dreamcast is miles ahead from both the Nintendo 64 and the PlayStation, even though it’s not as powerful as the PS2 or the GameCube. It sports a RISC 128bit CPU capable of 360 MIPS (N64 ~120 MIPS, PS1 ~30 MIPS), a special edition PowerVR2 graphics processor, that can cope with 10 times PS1’s polygons, 16MB of RAM, a 1 Giga “GD-ROM” (aka fancy, fast and easily pirated CD-ROM) drive, brilliant 64 channel audio and a modem. Yes. The first console modem ever. Oh, and European players will apparently enjoy full 60Hz PAL support.

Sega Dreamcast Motherboard

the insides of the beast (via)

3) It’s the brilliant (and admittedly very cheap) games

With more than 300 games, the Dreamcast has something for everyone, except perhaps for us poor football minded maniacs. Most used (and abused) games should be picked up at ridiculous prices of 5-10$ (less in euros, even less in pounds), while published titles include such brilliant gems as Soul Calibur, Rez, Sonic Adventure 2, Rayman 2, Phantasy Star Online, Quake 3 (you might even be able to track down Half-Life), Metropolis Street Racer, Shenmue, Ikaruga, Crazy Taxi 2, Jet Grind Radio and the quite legendary Samba de Amigo.

Soul Calibur - Sega Dreamcast Screenshot

Soul Calibur

 

I could actually go on and mention at least a dozen more distinctive and defining games, but I’d rather mention something else. Dreamcast games are still being produced! Have a look at the 2006 released Under Defeat or the forthcoming Last Hope shooter.

Under Defeat - Sega Dreamcast Screenshot

Under Defeat

4) It’s the innovation and the quirkyness

And I’m talking innovation, beside the Internet connection or the PAL ting. The Dreamcast controller featured a brilliant analog stick, the now-standard shaped triggers and interestingly the Virtual Memory Unit, or VMU. This VMU thingy was far more than a memory stick. It plugged into the controller and used its little LCD screen to display relevant game information or graphics and even was a wee version of Gameboy, as it also functioned as a completely separate portable handheld gaming device (from hell). VMU games can be found right here, but searching and googling around will lead you to quite a few more cyber-stashes.

Sega Dreamcast VMU

the VMU (exposed)

 

As for quirkyness, one could mention the DC Keyboard, the Fishing Rod, the quite new-at-the-time Vibration Pack and above all Dreamcast’s Wii capabilities.

5) It’s the scene

By saying the scene I’m talking of the vibrant DC emulation, demo, homebrew and even amateur journalism community. On the Dreamcast you see, one can play anything from old arcade, to MegaDrive, Amiga, Atari, Gameboy, Playstation or NES games. There’s even a ScummVM port that makes those old Lucasarts adventures of yore DC compatible. Then again one can listen to MP3s, watch DivX videos, see the Dreamcast get pushed to its limits and play zillions of Tetris versions. All of these courtesy of the scene.

To start tasting sweet freeware offerings (you will need DiscJuggler to burn things on CD) try the following links: DCEvolution.net, Dreamcast Homebrew, IGN Dreamcast, Dreamcast @ pout.net.

6) There is no 6

Go on. Buy one! It’s cheap and powerful, but also quite the retro machine. Oh, and the Wii isn’t out yet.

Horrible Wedding Photos

photobombing motivational poster

What could be worse than a wedding? You have your parents and her parents there and all these people you can’t stand and don’t look now but that girl that never gave you any play just winked at you. Yes, it is true weddings suck for just about everyone unless you are drunk, high, or having sex with a low self-esteem bridesmaid in the coatroom.

So let’s forget all that and look at horrible wedding photos instead.

Worst wedding photos
Why in God's name would you want to show people this?
Worst wedding photos
Yet another place to see a clown cry
Worst wedding photos
You've heard of Ebony and Ivory, this is Olive Oil and Lard

 

Worst wedding photos
Till Apocalypse do you part
Worst wedding photos
This is not suppose to happen until later tonight
Worst wedding photos
Never touch a white womans champaign bottle
Worst wedding photos
It's a trap!
Worst wedding photos
Not pictured, the family slaves
Worst wedding photos
Meanwhile at the Legion of Doom
Worst wedding photos
This is not the wedding you are looking for.
Worst wedding photos
Dude, she's already naked, no need to marry the bitch

Cosplay: Hyper Combo Finish

In honor of my purchase of Capcom versus Marvel 3, this weeks Cosplay will be dedicated to all the lovely ladies of the Street Fighter series. Enjoy!

 

 

Cosplay: Nirvana

The staff of Obsolete Gamer is going to take some well-deserved time off for the holidays, but we wouldn’t leave you without your fapp. As an added bonus this week we offer two fappathons Cosplay, one for the girls and one for the boys.

Everyone here at Obsolete Gamer would like to thank our fans for making our first year very successful and we promise to be even better in the New Year. We wish you and yours a happy holiday season.

Now, on with the Fapp!

 

 

Cosplay: Xtreme Beach Volleyball

 

Dear Warner:

The times we worked together on the night shift were quite fun at first. You are a very funny guy and the various websites you showed me made the long nights of chatting with mostly spammers manageable. Honestly I looked forward to you being on the night shift with me that was until you started playing that awful song.

It started innocent enough. “Hey, mind if I play some tunes?” You asked. I said sure, why not. After all everything else you had done up to then was cool. As I sat back and relaxed expecting to hear some rock or techno my ears heard the most peculiar sound. I asked; “What is that, turn it up.” That was a big mistake.

The beat was simple and the lyrics mind melting. Only a few moments went by and I knew the sound would haunt me forever. “What the hell kind of song is this, Warner!” I screamed. “Dude!” He responded. “What, you never heard Banana phone before?” Clearly I hadn’t because if I had I would have already gone insane. He just kept playing it over and over and as much as I didn’t wanna hear it I couldn’t get myself up to turn it off.

“I can’t get it out of my brain!” I cried.

“That’s Banana phone” He replied with an evil grin.

The song still rings in my head today. Warner cursed me with that damn song destroying the peaceful calm of the chat support night shift.

I hate you Warner!

Via Cosplay!

 

Cosplay: Team Rocket

So a few people actually liked the little stories before the sexy pictures, I guess it made them a little happier about the Cosplay. This week you get some pictures from Alienware with descriptions, so it’s like something good wrapped within something awesome. You guess which is which.

Blizzcon 2008

Clan PMS & H20

My first time going and it was a blast. We were with the Dell guys over in the back with our awesome Semi truck. We had a lot of contests and gave out some cool prizes. We had a beat the pro tournament there where fans could play against Clan PMS and Clan H20 which are pictured above. Those guys and gals were really cool and we had a great time. The final day of the show I filled in as MC for a bit and while it took some getting used to I think I did and okay job.

Blizzcon 2009

Blizzcon 2009 Warcraft 3 DOTA contest winners

These are the guys who won our Warcraft 3 DOTA contest. It was a lot of fun working Blizzcon because honestly the people there were so nice and though our section was smaller for this event we still had a great crowd. You may have even seen me testing out one of the laptops on G4TV’s coverage of the event, but for some reason I just can’t find the footage.

Halloween 2009

We were always allowed to wear some type of costume for Halloween at Alienware with a few exceptions. Last year we had a contest for the best costume and it was voted on by other employees. It was good fun, but there was bias. I mean the warehouse guys stick together and my small team had no chance to win. Then again we didn’t dress up; maybe that was part of it too.

Happy Now?

Alright, enough about me and my time at AW on with the pictures!

Via Cosplay!

 

Cosplay: Leadership

A small posting note, the Fappathon Cosplay can now be found every Friday on Obsolete Gamer so no more random days. End your week with some FAPP!

Shout, shout, let it all out

One of the many jobs during my time at Alienware was taking chats from customers. It was simple, you clicked on the chat box and it opened a java chat window and we would try to answer customer’s questions. For the most part it was a good job, but for some reason people though it would be fun to spam chat agents. There was even a message board event telling their members to go out and spam and prank chat agents at various computer companies.

We had two teams for chat one in the day and one in the evening. I was working the evening shift with one other person and after a long hard day I received one of those spammers. I tried my best to remain professional, but the chat was going on for over an hour. Every time the guy would get rude to where I could cut him off he would turn back to computer stuff because he knew I had to help him.

Well I couldn’t yell at the customer so I yelled out loud to myself. We were the only two people in the entire building or so I thought. In the middle of a yelling rant with some choice words I turned to the other worker to see a look of deathly shock on his face. Sure, I used some curse words, but it wasn’t bad enough to warrant a look like he was giving me. Then I noticed he wasn’t looking directly at me, but behind me.

I turned to see one of the big bosses behind me and a chill of death came over my body as if Sub-zero had touched my spine. The boss just said “come with me” and walked toward his office. I was sure I was fired, but the boss knew about the pranks and my hard day and gave me a break, but warned me other bosses might not have been so forgiving. I was thankful that he was so cool and make sure to only rant and yell in my head while at work.

Via Cosplay.

 

 

Cosplay: Red Alert

Alienware Facts: Behind the scenes edition

Instead of a story for this week I will instead present some facts about my time at Alienware.

Fact: We were gamers:

Pretty much 90% of us were gamers of some sort back during my time at Alienware. Some of us were true gaming geeks playing everything from PC to Console games going back to the 80’s. Often we would have LAN parties at the office and would go to various people’s homes to play console games. As long as the work got done reading and talking about gaming was allowed (well for most of us) and this did help us become better sales, customer service and tech support agents.

Fact: We had a mystery bathroom destroyer

9 times out of 10 the bathrooms were clean and pleasant, but at least once a day someone would go in and total destroy the bathroom rendering it useless for at least an hour. You would think it would be easy to figure out who it was, but we had multiple bathrooms and the person changed which one he or she (read: he) destroyed. We even considered pointing the cameras toward the door, but we didn’t.

Fact: The Bosses were pretty cool

What made even the toughest times fun was that most of the upper management were pretty cool people. They did not have the mentality that the workers were nothing more than paid slaves. In addition they were gamers as well and understood what it is like to be a gamer and to work in an environment of gaming. This allowed the workplace to be relatively stress-free. Not feeling the bosses breathing down your neck 24/7 made going to work much more enjoyable and I believe it showed in our productivity.

Fact: The Roach Coach had no Roaches

We called the lunch truck that came around every morning around 10:30 the roach coach, but in fact the food was really good and the truck was nice and clean. The guy who ran the truck was also nice and would even allow us to owe him if we were short. Now surly you could find fatty foods that any gamer would love on the coach, but it also offered some healthy choices such as fresh fruit and 100% juices. It was a nice break in the early part of the day.

Fact: Not everyone was discreet with their desktop wallpaper

Everyone was very professional at Alienware even the younger guys for many of whom this was their first non-fast food job. We knew all the rules about privacy and we understood ourselves that we wouldn’t want our private information being seen or read by others. However, some people forgot that we need to boot the PC before we begin work. We made it clear we would format a customer’s hard drive before returning the system and warned them to insure all items they wished to keep was backed-up.

In most cases this wasn’t an issue and we knew that even if the system was backed up it didn’t mean the original material would not remain on the PC. Since we knew this we made sure not to open folders or files on a customer’s PC, but there was nothing we could do about one’s desktop wallpaper.

One day while I was working in RMA I heard a Depot technician yell out “Holy Shit!” I turned and looked through the chain link fence dividing our departments to see a picture of a woman preforming an oral act on a man. The tech quickly selected a solid color background and went back to work. The PC was fixed and formatted and returned. Weeks later we receive an e-mail thanking us for fixing his machine and he included a picture of him standing next to the PC smiling with his wife.

Funny thing, the guy in the picture matched the guy on the wallpaper, the woman did not.

On with the Show

And now here’s something you’ll really like, Cosplay.

 

 

Cosplay: Sexy Pirates

I figure I needed to put something in this space because just posting pictures is just not enough for me, so from now on all Fappathon Cosplay posts will be accompanied by stories of my time at Alienware.

The Big Boss’ Smile:

I had only been at Alienware a few months and was still pretty shy and quiet even though I knew people there from my LAN group Red-Eye. My friends told my bosses about how outgoing and funny I was and when I did not show it on the job it made them wonder. Also, at the time I worked customer service and was known for being direct to the point with no small talk. In addition I was timid on the phone and did not want confrontation.

I got a call from a lady claiming her system was broken. I tried to assist her as I always did but she quickly became angry at me and began to blame me personally for everything. She took every word I said and twisted it. I wasn’t too concerned, but I did my best to get done quickly and keep her anger to a minimum. Unfortunately, it didn’t work and she claimed I was no help and hung up.

Moments later my direct supervisor comes over and asks me about the call. I tell the truth and then a worried look comes over his face.

“That was the boss’s niece.” He said. “She called the boss and said you were rude and hung up on her.”

Now I was panicking. I tried my best to explain it wasn’t true, but my supervisor just directed me to stand up and follow him to the boss’s office. The look on my supervisors face was one I had seen before; it was the same as when he had to fire someone. To say I was shaking in my boots would be a mild statement.

Now the big boss was known for being tough and did not take any lip from anyone. He would fire you on the spot if you screwed up and was never known for playing games. He had a scowl that could frighten the grim reaper and a presence that was stronger than Darth Vader. I knew I was a goner; the question was how bad would it be.

We arrive at his office and he just stares at me with Ghost Rider like eyes, not filled with fire, but a cold darkness that could freeze your soul. I started to plead my case and he just said;

“I don’t want to hear it, you know what you did and you know what happens correct?”

I just lowered my head, there was nothing more to say. I admit, I almost cried.

“Do you know what day this is?” He asked.

I didn’t know what he meant. I just looked up at him puzzled.

“It’s April Fool’s Day”

 

For the first time that I could remember he smiled and his smile did not make me feel any better. It was the kind of smile a serial killer gives his victim. Then my supervisor came in laughing and said it was all a setup and the lady on the phone was his cousin. I laughed and took it well which in the end helped me earn cool points with the upper staff. The big boss shook my hand and I returned to my seat. I didn’t even know it was April fool’s day, but I never forgot the day after that.

Hope you liked the story and now on to the girls!

Check out the rest of our Fappathons.

 

Cosplay: Attention to Detail

If there are three things you need to be a good cosplayer its courage, a good look and attention to detail. Now to be fair sometimes a pretty face (and body) can overwrite the need to create the perfect costume, but when you combine form and design it becomes a work of art.

Sure we can just ogle at the ladies, but some of these costumes are really well done and many of the women in the fit the part extremely well. Awe, who am I kidding you guys aren’t reading any of this you’ve already clicked on the picture links.

Check out the rest of our cosplay pictures.

 

Cosplay: Priorities

Many of you are either in school, at work or unemployed and living it up. Either way it is a good time for a Fapp-A-Thon cosplay session!

 

 

Cosplay: World of Cos-Quest

World of Warcraft is not just about sitting behind a computer for twelve plus hours a day it can also mean going to events where people dress up like their favorite characters. Truth be told many of the cosplayer’s shouldn’t have left their homes but there are quite a few who many wish they could take home. So without further ado let’s take a look at the good (hot) side of World of Warcraft cosplay.