Alterac Valley Noobs

World of Warcraft nub
World of Warcraft nub

Alterac Valley Noobs

I know what you are thinking, didn’t he write about being AFK in AV? Yes, this is true, but that was during my leveling stage. What I am talking about is AV at level 80. Did you hear, AV at 80 is its own bracket now? I can understand being under geared or even new to AV altogether, but this has gotten ridiculous.

I knew I was on the failboat when

When you load up into AV at 80 and there is about 10 seconds left before the game starts and you have no buffs, you know you are going to fail. I can only speak for alliance here, but since I am alliance and since we are all 12 can you please push the shiny button with Fortitude or Kings and for the love of God stop hitting the freaking Path of Frost button!

Here is a pro-tip noobs! Buffing in a BG before it starts uses no mana! Why do I see six mages and no mage table? Maybe you think giving biscuits to all for free is socialism. Maybe you think I should have my own food. Well you’re wrong noob! I have food, but its stat food and I need normal government cheese food! Hand it over you keyboard drooling loser muffin!

Warlocks, I know you only like hitting your three fear buttons over and over, but for the love of the Anti-Christ please make a soul well. I mean those soul stones come in handy when the real pros of AV are rushing to cap relief hut.

Is this thing on?

I know there are a lot of poop sock, hot pocket eating, super min/max playing ass hats out there and most of them are spamming some strat they read on the message board claiming it as their own, however, when we are trying to make a plan of attack at least turn back to the screen for a moment. That 48 year old you watch undressing from your bedroom window will be back again. Now is the time for gaming. Put down the lotion and watch the screen there might be useful information there.

There is nothing wrong with going for The Alterac Blitz, I know some of you think achievements suck, but maybe, just maybe you can try it you know, for this thing we humans like to call fun. How is it that so many people ignore BG chat? Do you just run around like Helen Keller with a potato sack over her head down to Galv every game? Maybe you are a BOT or more likely a dumbass. Do us a favor, stay AFK with the other 50% of the raid.

Like the girl you were stalking told you, don’t touch

You cheesy fingered, sunlight depraved, perma-virgins, how many times do we have to tell you not to cap Iceblood graveyard? Let me put it in terms you might understand. Remember when you wanted to masturbate real bad and family kept coming over the house? See if you went out to meet them they would leave you alone, but like the tool you are you stayed in your room being a social misfit, so, they kept coming to your door bothering you keeping you from getting off. This is called a turtle because it talks a long freaking time to get to the payoff! This is what you do if you cap IB, you make horde respawn farther back which slows down our advance which keeps us from reaching our goal quickly.

I need to take a breather

I have more to say, but to prevent TLDD I will break this up into another part. In the meantime, wash those crusty socks and dump out the pee jar. I’ll be back shortly to continue your schooling.