Go Watch Iron Sky!

Iron Sky Space Nazis

Finally, it is here… From the creators of Star Wreck, the best parody of Star Trek and Babylon 5, Iron Sky, the movie about space fucking Nazis!

The movie is supposed to be made in the style of Sin City and Inglorious Basterds. I love these alternate history movies, especially comedy action ones like this one. It kind of has that Mars Attacks! feel to it as well! ^_^ It also looks satirical sort of like Dr. Strangelove.

I like how Palin is the US President in this comedy, lol!

Iron Sky Nazi Invasion

Falco Is A God

He might be gone but Falco is immortal.

Johann (Hans) Hölzel was an Austrian rocker and rapper that had innovative and sometimes controversial music videos. He died in 1998 in a car accident but his music is timeless. Let”s have a look at his best music videos to see what I”m talking about. Falco was Charlie Sheen before Charlie Sheen invented Winning.

His most famous song ever is Rock Me Amadeus:

The song is a great 80s pop song that shows his classic style that”s a mix of rock and rap along with great synth work. It”s also a tribute to Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart. The video is insane showing people dressed up like people from the 1700s and 1800s alongside a bunch of bikers and punk rockers.

The song is such an 80s classic that even Bloodhound Gang made a song in tribute to it called Mope:

It”s not included in the video but in the album version of the song they show they”re Falco fans. Here”s the part of the lyrics that I”m talking about:

We gonna drop this next bomb for a money makin” playa that ain”t with us no mo.
Yeah, Notorious B.I.G.
Hell no, we gonna do this for a gangbanging thug that never seen it comin”.
Yeah, Tupac Shakur.
Nah bitch, I”m talkin” “bout motherfuckin” Falco and shit.
What? Falco?.

Rock me Amadeus,
Rock me Amadeus,
Rock me Amadeus,
Rock me Amadeus.

His next song that you might recognize is Der Kommissar:

I don”t know German but I think it”s a song about a drug dealer. He looks like he is rollerskating from a bunch of cop cars in the background. Cheesy but classic and the tune is so catchy too. So catchy in fact that you might know the cover instead by After The Fire, which is in English:

It”s a very similar version but I don”t think it has the charm of the original. I prefer Falco singing anyways.

The next crazy (amazing) video I can think of is The Sound of Musik:

This is a mix of the movie The Sound of Music with Mad Max and Escape from New York. If that”s not enough to blow your mind, then keep watching.

The next masterpiece we have is Wiener Blut:

This seems to me like a really nutty parody of political corruption in Austria. The imagery needs no language! We see “The Professor” gambling and making deals with mafiosos and special interest groups, we see his groupies, his bullshit PR events, etc. Oh yeah, there”s a committee of “angels” that gets splashed with blood? Weird but I guess that”s symbolism for something relevant? Or simply they were high as fuck when the director decided to put that in mobilephonescoop.com the video.

Next up we have Jeanny, probably his most controversial song and video:

This song has been said to glorify rape, kidnapping, and stalking. The song was banned in both West Germany and East Germany. Despite its banning the song hit number on the charts in Austria, Germany, The Netherlands, Norway, Sweden, and Switzerland.

We see certain homages in the video to the movie Psycho. It makes me think of Lolita as well. My favorite part of the video is when the girl”s ghost or his imagination keeps teasing him (I found this to be really cute) while he is locked up in the asylum.

Next we have the sequel to Jeanny, Coming Home (Jeanny Part 2, One Year Later):

In this one, we see the psycho was caught and served some time in an insane asylum. We see his obsession with his victim and his permanent fixation on her.

If it weren”t the fact for the video, if you just heard the song again, it would sound like a really romantic love ballad rather than a song about a killer stalking a new girl that looks like his old victim.

There are more parts to the Jeanny songs but those are the only two real official videos. Everything else I ever found were a bunch of fan made videos. I”m only posting the real videos here, and only his best stuff.

Next up we have Vienna Calling:

The video is great because of all the funny expressions he makes.

Next, we have Titanic:

The song is pretty good and the video is okay, mainly because of all the freaks in it.

Let”s move on to a better song, Body Next To Body (ft. Brigitte Nielsen)

Now this is more like it. A lot of post apocalypse costumes in this one. You might recognize Brigitte Nielsen from Rocky 4, Cobra, and Beverly Hills Cop 2.

The last, best video that Falco made was his last one actually, Naked:

The video shows Falco”s adoration for the female body, hence the correct title for the song. The video is so amazing that God killed Falco in a bus crash, having him leave us on a high note. Probably one of my favorite music videos of all time.

If you like his music, although these songs don”t really have videos or don”t have good ones check out:

Falco – Cowboyz and Indianz
Falco – Cyberlove
Falco – Egoist
Falco – Ganz Wien
Falco – Garbo
Falco – Hit Me
Falco – Natchflug
Falco – Tango The Night
Falco – Yah Vibration

And remember kids, Falco is smiling at you from heaven!

Falco Wiener Blut politician smile

Bob-ombs: The Real Threat to America’s Safety?

bobomb
bobomb

Take a good and hard look at that picture, reader.

Since Super Mario Bros. 2, the Bob-omb plague has swept Mario games just like how Beanie Babies swept away the hearts of overweight, unloved women in the 90’s. At first glance, as a child these huggable creatures are adorable with their round cast iron bodies and cute little steps. They parade down towards Mario with an indifferent pace to harm the plumber. How endearing.

BUT LET US TAKE A STEP BACK!

Why does something so cute need a cast iron body? Did you know Mario’s Fire powers don’t hurt them? You want to know why? They are filled with explosives! Yes, they are bombs! But not just any ordinary bombs. Normally, you’d need a remote detonator to set off an explosion or physically be there to light the fuse. Bob-ombs are the future of impersonal terrorism.

“But Umar,” the reader of this article may find themselves saying, “They are just so cute and innocent. Surely they wouldn’t hurt a friend?” And it is right there where your young and liberal mind will get your arms blown off. Bob-ombs aren’t toys. They aren’t Pokemon Cards! They are sentient, living bombs! Their sole purpose in life is to cause murder, death, and ensure the incineration of all bio-organic beings. Do you not see the Nazi inspired design behind the Bob-omb?
1) They Goose-step toward you. If someone greets you with a Goose-step, chances are the encounter isn’t going to be friendly.
2) They patrol areas back and forth just like soldiers.
3) They have a short fuse. This is symbolic because they don’t have the patience to deal with your lesser race bullshit.

Still don’t see how this is true? You still can’t perceive the sinister motives that fuel their mechanical hearts? Just look them in the eyes. Look into those cute cartoon eyes as they lure you in for a hug. Do you know what kind of mind is behind those peepers? A sick sociopathic mind bent on your demise.

Go right ahead. Let him into your heart, into your home, let them sleep on the carpet in your child’s room. I can assure you the moment you touch that Bob-omb, this cute little monstrosity that you fed and picked up their poopies, he will glow an angry red. His glassy eyes will become stern and enraged. A fire will spark not only in his heart but on his fuse and before you know it, you’re gone. All your loved ones will be blown to bits. Your wife and children will be here and there. The dog will have little tidbits against the closet door. And God forbid you survive. What kind of weight will be on your shoulders with the knowledge that you mistakenly trusted this deceitful horror and now your family is gone and you’re are now left to live your life missing appendages? How long will it take before you finally can’t handle the guilt and bite your tongue?

“Umar,” our fair reader may retort, “The pink bob-ombs are nice, though. You can’t discriminate against all of them.” Pink bob-ombs are just the next step in their dastardly evolution. They speak to you, beg you for help, pour out their hearts about the prejudices they face against the other bob-ombs. They deplore you for assistance. They are the good guys, they say.

Really, Pink bob-omb? You’re one of the good guys? Tell me this. Why is it that you bob-ombs glow pink right before detonation? From what I can tell you’re closer to the edge than the black bob-ombs. At least they can keep their cool until provoked or before that bitter moment when they exact their plan. Pink Bob-ombs can’t even keep their oath of silence and become radicals that speak out. No thanks, Pink Bob-ombs. Stay out of America.

Let’s look at the track record of these Bob-ombs. In every single Mario game, they have made it painfully obvious their only true intent is the destruction of a living beating heart. They get involved in Yoshi’s story and even sports based Mario games. And you’d think they’d stop with their vendetta in the Mushroom Kingdom. No, they made their intents international when they appeared in Super Smash Brothers. They’d just randomly pop into a battle and indiscriminately hunt down Link from Hyrule, Charizard from Kanto, and Snake from America! Yes they initiated a global war and have even targeted America on their To-Do list.

Americans, I’m looking at you. Are we going to let this mechanical plague sweep our nation like a renegade brushfire? Are we going to allow our land, our freedom, our loved ones to be abused by these techno-organic racists?

I say no!
I will not give them shelter for their sick and their hungry.
I will not provide them with resources which us Americans harvested on our own.
I will not allow one to move in next door and will not allow my children to play with them.
This is America! Home of the brave, the bold, and the truly living!