Commercial Wars: The Celebrity Women of the Nintendo DS

Beyonce playing Nintedo DS
Beyonce playing Nintedo DS

Like the Gameboy before it, the Nintendo DS is a winner with boys and girls, men and women alike. What makes the DS work so well is the wide array of games on it that some hardcore gamers would call a waste of time, but casual gamers will think is the bee’s knees.  If you watched any sitcoms during the early days of the Gameboy you would be hard pressed not to find someone playing it. Today it is all about the internet and YouTube specifically.

Here we have five Nintendo DS commercials featuring celebrity women; you pick which ones is the best.

Nicole Kidman

So which Nicole should I be thinking of when watching this, the Eyes wide Shut Nicole, The Others Nicole or maybe Cat-woman Nicole? Poor Nicole may not be able to score high in Brain Training, but she knows how to hire a decorator that loves white, Martha Stewart maybe?

I love her shocked expression when she saw her score and then followed up by her determined look while playing again. Honestly, with her voice alone you know she is really smart regardless of what some game says.

Carrie Underwood

I know whenever I am chilling on my tour bus after a show I lay back and play my Nintendo DS. I would think Carrie would have more people in that bus of hers (I volunteer by the way) perhaps she just needs to be alone with her virtual puppy.

She does seem generally pleased with the game as the camera man seems pleased getting full body shots of her chilling. In the end we find out she is not alone and has a real dog of her own. Damn lucky dog!

Liv Tyler

The scene is what Liv did right after Armageddon, ok maybe not, but she does enjoy whatever she started off playing. Is it just me or is she just a bit too excited by signing her own name. It’s almost as if she was playing something else and they switched the screen, perhaps naked poker.

It is good to see Liv continues to practice her music at all hours of the day and her virtual piano skills are top notch. I wonder if they asked her to talk and sing to herself or did she do that on her own. I know personally I scream mad expletives every time I’m playing Halo or Uno online.

Beyonce

Damn I wish I was rich then I could play Rhythm Heaven from my penthouse apartment. I see the theme here now. Another singer playing a song related game and Beyonce is right on key. She is really enjoying that game with the facial expressing and singing along. Did you know this is how most pop songs are created?

Lisa Kudrow

See Lisa wasn’t dumb it was those around her that pulled her intelligence down as seen by this commercial. Dr. Kudrow would have solved that puzzle in a second were it not for interference. Maybe she was a little mean, but wouldn’t you be if they still refuse to do a Friend movie?

It’s not advertising its reality T.V.

Five celebrity women showing their love for the DS, so which one did you like the best. Operators are standing by.

[poll id=”16″]

Bob-ombs: The Real Threat to America’s Safety?

bobomb
bobomb

Take a good and hard look at that picture, reader.

Since Super Mario Bros. 2, the Bob-omb plague has swept Mario games just like how Beanie Babies swept away the hearts of overweight, unloved women in the 90’s. At first glance, as a child these huggable creatures are adorable with their round cast iron bodies and cute little steps. They parade down towards Mario with an indifferent pace to harm the plumber. How endearing.

BUT LET US TAKE A STEP BACK!

Why does something so cute need a cast iron body? Did you know Mario’s Fire powers don’t hurt them? You want to know why? They are filled with explosives! Yes, they are bombs! But not just any ordinary bombs. Normally, you’d need a remote detonator to set off an explosion or physically be there to light the fuse. Bob-ombs are the future of impersonal terrorism.

“But Umar,” the reader of this article may find themselves saying, “They are just so cute and innocent. Surely they wouldn’t hurt a friend?” And it is right there where your young and liberal mind will get your arms blown off. Bob-ombs aren’t toys. They aren’t Pokemon Cards! They are sentient, living bombs! Their sole purpose in life is to cause murder, death, and ensure the incineration of all bio-organic beings. Do you not see the Nazi inspired design behind the Bob-omb?
1) They Goose-step toward you. If someone greets you with a Goose-step, chances are the encounter isn’t going to be friendly.
2) They patrol areas back and forth just like soldiers.
3) They have a short fuse. This is symbolic because they don’t have the patience to deal with your lesser race bullshit.

Still don’t see how this is true? You still can’t perceive the sinister motives that fuel their mechanical hearts? Just look them in the eyes. Look into those cute cartoon eyes as they lure you in for a hug. Do you know what kind of mind is behind those peepers? A sick sociopathic mind bent on your demise.

Go right ahead. Let him into your heart, into your home, let them sleep on the carpet in your child’s room. I can assure you the moment you touch that Bob-omb, this cute little monstrosity that you fed and picked up their poopies, he will glow an angry red. His glassy eyes will become stern and enraged. A fire will spark not only in his heart but on his fuse and before you know it, you’re gone. All your loved ones will be blown to bits. Your wife and children will be here and there. The dog will have little tidbits against the closet door. And God forbid you survive. What kind of weight will be on your shoulders with the knowledge that you mistakenly trusted this deceitful horror and now your family is gone and you’re are now left to live your life missing appendages? How long will it take before you finally can’t handle the guilt and bite your tongue?

“Umar,” our fair reader may retort, “The pink bob-ombs are nice, though. You can’t discriminate against all of them.” Pink bob-ombs are just the next step in their dastardly evolution. They speak to you, beg you for help, pour out their hearts about the prejudices they face against the other bob-ombs. They deplore you for assistance. They are the good guys, they say.

Really, Pink bob-omb? You’re one of the good guys? Tell me this. Why is it that you bob-ombs glow pink right before detonation? From what I can tell you’re closer to the edge than the black bob-ombs. At least they can keep their cool until provoked or before that bitter moment when they exact their plan. Pink Bob-ombs can’t even keep their oath of silence and become radicals that speak out. No thanks, Pink Bob-ombs. Stay out of America.

Let’s look at the track record of these Bob-ombs. In every single Mario game, they have made it painfully obvious their only true intent is the destruction of a living beating heart. They get involved in Yoshi’s story and even sports based Mario games. And you’d think they’d stop with their vendetta in the Mushroom Kingdom. No, they made their intents international when they appeared in Super Smash Brothers. They’d just randomly pop into a battle and indiscriminately hunt down Link from Hyrule, Charizard from Kanto, and Snake from America! Yes they initiated a global war and have even targeted America on their To-Do list.

Americans, I’m looking at you. Are we going to let this mechanical plague sweep our nation like a renegade brushfire? Are we going to allow our land, our freedom, our loved ones to be abused by these techno-organic racists?

I say no!
I will not give them shelter for their sick and their hungry.
I will not provide them with resources which us Americans harvested on our own.
I will not allow one to move in next door and will not allow my children to play with them.
This is America! Home of the brave, the bold, and the truly living!

CDW Nintendo Frogger Returns & Kirby Super Star

Nintendo logo in grey
Nintendo logo in grey

This week Nintendo gives its classic gaming fans two cool games to sink their teeth into. For the DSi there is Frogger Returns which takes the arcade classic and adds in new graphics and challenges. For the Virtual console comes the SNES hit Kirby Super Star where you take everyone’s favorite pink puffy hero on an adventure to stop the awful King Dedede.

Here is the official info:

Frogger Returns
Publisher: Konami Digital Entertainment
Players: 1
ESRB Rating: E (Everyone)
Price: 500 Nintendo DSi Points

Description: Frogger is coming to a Nintendo DSi system near you! Frogger Returns takes the heart-pounding challenge of arcade Frogger and moves it into the next dimension. Classic top-down 2-D game play is updated with colorful 3-D graphics, a new perspective, new levels, new enemies and game-changing power-ups to dodge and use. Four stages take the original journey of Frogger from highway to home through a new adventure. Use multiple modes to attack your top scores, race against the clock or just get Frogger to his home pad.

Kirby Super Star
Original platform: Super NES
Publisher: Nintendo
Players: 1-2
ESRB Rating: E (Everyone)
Price: 800 Wii Points
Description: That awful King Dedede is at it again – he’s stolen all the food in Dream Land. It’s up to Kirby™ to get it back and ultimately save Pop Star from being overtaken. In what may be the most diverse adventure yet for the round, pink hero, Kirby journeys through six main games and two minigames, finishing with the ultimate showdown in The Arena. Each game offers its own story and style of platforming action, as well as unique environments and an assortment of enemies. Swallowing an enemy allows Kirby to copy the abilities of that enemy, granting him the power to perform special attacks and giving him a new hat to don. In a strategic twist, Kirby can now give up an acquired ability and use it to turn an enemy into a helper. The helper will follow Kirby around and automatically fight as his ally or offer a second player the chance to join in the game by controlling it. There’s never a dull moment as Kirby dashes, flies and swallows enemies in his battle against King Dedede, Dyna Blade and Meta Knight.

CDW Nintendo – Earthworm Jim

Black nintendo DSI
Black nintendo DSI

Coming to your DSi today is the classic game Earthworm Jim. This platform action shooter came to fame on the Super NES though it was released almost a year earlier for the Genesis. You play as Jim an ordinary earthworm until you come in contact with the super powerful cyber-suit that turns you into a superhero. When Jim finds out Psy-Crow’s evil plans he sets out to stop them and save the lovely Princess What’s-her-name.

Here is the official release information:

Earthworm Jim
Publisher: Gameloft
Players: 1
ESRB Rating: E10+ (Everyone 10 and Older) — Cartoon Violence, Comic Mischief
Price: 500 Nintendo DSi Points
Description: The classic action platformer you used to play on the Super NES system is back in a remake that offers the essence and core game play of the original, plus a never-before-seen feature available exclusively on the Nintendo DSi system. Play as the grooviest earthworm in the galaxy. Run, gun, swing from hooks with your head, launch cows, bungee jump and rocket through speed levels in a dozen crazy universes. Earn bonuses with facial-expression-based challenges that track your face using the system’s built-in camera. Put on a smile, frown or make a variety of other faces to mimic Jim.

Classic Download Watch: Nintendo

Nintendo logo
Nintendo logo

This is a new feature to Obsolete Gamer to bring you information on classic gaming downloads for your favorite consoles from 360 to the PS3 to the Wii. Today you can download a couple of cool games for the Wii and the Nintendo DSi.

First up for the Wii Virtual Console, Mega Man 4 which was released in 1992, it plays mainly like the previous Mega Man games except it added the charge blast to your weaponry and there are tools to obtain in order to reach specific areas on some stages. You can purchase MM4 for 500 Wii points.

For the Nintendo DSi you can now download Donkey Kong Jr. In this arcade classic Donkey Kong’s son has to rescue dear old dad by swinging his way past crows and alligators to reach Mario’s cage. You can purchase Donkey Kong Jr. for 200 DSi points.

As more classic games are available for download we will bring information on them here.

Three Horse Race

wii-ps3-xbox360

Every year there is a major race on for the consumers’ money. And this winter is no different. So what is the form guide for the runners going into the race, and what are the odds on a new leader?

Sony has trailed in third place for much of the year. A lack of big name exclusives and the relative failure of Home to attract users was a severe penalty. The redesigned PS3 Slim and PSPGo gained a lot of momentum for Sony after E3, and the sales surge came on the back of a much improved advertising campaign. Titles such as LittleBigPlanet and Uncharted 2 have been put across to the viewer in a much better way, along with other useful features including the BBC iPlayer.

Microsoft has maintained a good grip on second place. Reliability is still an issue, with the Red Ring of Death and other failures affecting many users. The exclusive Episodes from Liberty City and a continued strong showing from Live Arcade (with titles such as Shadow Complex) have meant that for much of the year the sales curve has been steady – good work in a difficult time for the industry as a whole.

Nintendo had galloped ahead of the pack with the DS and Wii, but both have struggled in hardware terms. Wii sales have slowed dramatically, and the uptake of the DSi has not been as widespread. The newly revamped LL with its larger screens has not helped matters. The key for Nintendo is the long “tail” on many of its games – Wii Fit continues to sell strongly, and no doubt the same will be true for the enhanced version. Motion Plus has added a new dimension to the titles that use it, and both WiiWare and DSiWare have been attracting some strong releases.

The music genre continues to be the strongest, with so many good releases – new Lips, new Singstar, Band Hero, Lego Rock Band, Rock Band Unplugged on PSP, and of course the new expensive peripheral-based DJ Hero. The standout has to be The Beatles Rock Band, with its exquisite presentation, vocal harmonies and attitude to DLC (with money from the release of All You Need Is Love going to charity).

But undoubtedly the biggest thing to hit the industry is Modern Warfare 2. Not only is it set to dominate sales in the run up to Christmas, but many big name titles shifted back into 2010 to avoid it. The bad news is that the supermarkets are prepared to use it as a loss leader in their battle for sales – devaluing the game and affecting dedicated games retailers.

So can Sony and Microsoft make ground on Nintendo? And when will the fanfare sound for the next generation, bred from what has been successful this time around?