Black Friday Fights

black-friday

If you ever want to see what would humanity be like in a post apocalyptic world where you had to fight for every resource well here you go. Behold the worst of Black Friday fights.

This is from 2012 in a Walmart over cell phones:

This is from 2011 in a Walmart over video games:

Here is a compilation for 2011:

From Victoria’s Secret Black Friday

Obama Works It

obama-work-it

Regardless of what party you are part of or who you are voting for a good dance video is a good dance video.  Nathan Barnatt is an awesome dance no matter what mask he is wearing so enjoy this video.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jFJUz1DO20Q[/youtube]

Here is the video info from Youtube

Danced, edited, directed by Nathan Barnatt
Song – “Something Good Can Work” (RAC remix) by Two Door Cinema Club
Michelle Obama – Angela Trimbur http://www.youtube.com/angela
Michelle & Barack choreography by Kathryn Burns
Body camera rig by Dan Bartolucci http://www.inFluxLab.com
Body rig digital clean up by Brian Garcia http://www.tacolamp.com
Steadicam op Antonio Pullano http://www.lovinlife.ca
Intro scene camera op Eric Thompson
Driver/Coordinator Ricky Mammone
Produced by Tarika Khan
Thanks to Siobhan Price
Thanks to Macy’s for the suit by bar III

Please Register to Vote http://tinyurl.com/cu8uyos

Get the song here http://tinyurl.com/8wjbyka
Two Door Cinema Club http://www.youtube.com/twodoorcinemaclub
RAC http://www.youtube.com/rac

Lady – Twerk

Lady - Twerk
Lady – Twerk

Now yes, it might be easy to love strippers simply because they”re eye candy but do they still do the job for you when you know they”re smiling at you, taking your money just so they can go buy baby formula? ;-]

Hey, don”t hate, it could be worse… it could be Nicki Minaj!

Lady – Twerk lyrics

HE LIKE IT WHEN I MAKE THIS ASS VIBRATE (TWERK)
BEND IT OVER MAKE MAKE THIS THANG SHAKE (TWERK)
HE LIKE IT WHEN I MAKE THIS ASS VIBRATE (TWERK)
BEND I OVER MAKE MAKE THIS THANG SHAKE

HE LIKE IT WHEN I TWERK IT (TWERK IT)
SO IMMA TWERK IT (TWERK IT)
IMMA TWERK IT (TWERK IT)
YEAH I”M GON TWERK IT (TWERK IT)
HE LIKE IT WHEN I TWERK IT (TWERK IT)
SO IMMA TWERK IT (TWERK IT)
IMMA TWERK IT (TWERK IT)
YEAH I”M GON TWERK IT (TWERK IT)

IMMA MAKE IT POP (TWERK)
BEND THIS THANG OVER
I CAN”T EVEN LIE, I CAN DO THIS WHEN I”M SOBER
IMMA MAKE IT BOUNCE, JUST LIKE I TOLD YA
YOU CAN”T GET A DANCE, NIGGA I DON”T EVEN KNOW YA

I HIT THAT DANCE FLOOR AND SHAKE IT THEN THE NIGGAS STARE
A COUPLE MINUTES, THAT”S THE MONEY GOING IN THE AIR
I SHAKE THIS ASS SIDE TO SIDE, I SHAKE IT EVERYWHERE
MAKE IT VIBRATE, GOT THIS ASS GOIN” EVERYWHERE

HE LIKE IT WHEN I MAKE THIS ASS VIBRATE (TWERK)
BEND IT OVER MAKE MAKE THIS THANG SHAKE (TWERK)
HE LIKE IT WHEN I MAKE THIS ASS VIBRATE (TWERK)
BEND I OVER MAKE MAKE THIS THANG SHAKE

HE LIKE IT WHEN I TWERK IT (TWERK IT)
SO IMMA TWERK IT (TWERK IT)
IMMA TWERK IT (TWERK IT)
YEAH I”M GON TWERK IT (TWERK IT)
HE LIKE IT WHEN I TWERK IT (TWERK IT)
SO IMMA TWERK IT (TWERK IT)
IMMA TWERK IT (TWERK IT)
YEAH I”M GON TWERK IT (TWERK IT)

I CAN MAKE IT POP, LOCK, DROP, VIBRATE, playertatilah TWERK
I DON”T KNOW ABOUT HER, BUT I CAN MAKE THIS ASS WORK
HE ASKED ME, CAN I DO A SPLIT? YEP, I CAN DO IT
I HAD A COUPLE IN ME NOW I”M REALLY GETTING TO IT
AND WHEN I”M IN A SPLIT I CAN MAKE THIS ASS JUMP
I MAKE THIS ASS JUMP EVERY TIME THE BEAT BUMP
NOW FOR THE GRAND FINALE, I SAVED THE BEST FOR LAST
YOU KNOW IT”S HEAD DOWN PUSSY POPPING HAND STAND

HE LIKE IT WHEN I MAKE THIS ASS VIBRATE (TWERK)
BEND IT OVER MAKE MAKE THIS THANG SHAKE (TWERK)
HE LIKE IT WHEN I MAKE THIS ASS VIBRATE (TWERK)
BEND I OVER MAKE MAKE THIS THANG SHAKE

HE LIKE IT WHEN I TWERK IT (TWERK IT)
SO IMMA TWERK IT (TWERK IT)
IMMA TWERK IT (TWERK IT)
YEAH I”M GON TWERK IT (TWERK IT)
HE LIKE IT WHEN I TWERK IT (TWERK IT)
SO IMMA TWERK IT (TWERK IT)
IMMA TWERK IT (TWERK IT)
YEAH I”M GON TWERK IT (TWERK IT)

ALL THEM BITCHES ON THE DANCE FLOOR, I LET THEM GET THEY TIME
CAUSE ONCE I HIT THE FLOOR I”M TAKIN” EVERYBODYS SHINE
DO I WORK AT MAGIC CITY, NO, I SHOULD THOUGH (TWERK IT)
NICKNAME IS “MAKE THEM NIGGAS MONEY BLOW”
NOW IMMA DROP IT TO THE FLOOR AND JUST MAKE IT POP
STAY IN THE SAME POSITION AND JUST LET IT POP
MY ASS IS “STUPID WILD” THIS DANCE IS STUPID SICK
THE BEST THING ABOUT IT, I CAN DO IT ON A DICK

HE LIKE IT WHEN I MAKE THIS ASS VIBRATE (TWERK)
BEND IT OVER MAKE MAKE THIS THANG SHAKE (TWERK)
HE LIKE IT WHEN I MAKE THIS ASS VIBRATE (TWERK)
BEND I OVER MAKE MAKE THIS THANG SHAKE

HE LIKE IT WHEN I TWERK IT (TWERK IT)
SO IMMA TWERK IT (TWERK IT)
IMMA TWERK IT (TWERK IT)
YEAH I”M GON TWERK IT (TWERK IT)
HE LIKE IT WHEN I TWERK IT (TWERK IT)
SO IMMA TWERK IT (TWERK IT)
IMMA TWERK IT (TWERK IT)
YEAH I”M GON TWERK IT (TWERK IT)

The best of Go Daddy Commercials

<img class=”aligncenter size-full wp-image-7519″ title=”go daddy girl” src=”http://obscureinternet.com/wp-content/uploads/go-daddy-girl.jpg” alt=”go daddy girl” width=”400″ height=”300″ />

We all know that sex sells, but sometimes you have to wonder what the target is. Sure, you can put a pretty girl next to a car and the image is clear, but what image do you get with sexy girls and a web hosting site? I liked watching the eye candy laden Go Daddy commercials, but it never made me think to go use their services. When it was time to pick a provided I looked up prices and customer reviews and ratings. Maybe the image of a sexy girl is to sit in the back of your mind and when you do think of web hosting or buying a domain it pops out and you go with that company.

Here is a mix of some of the more sexy Go Daddy commercials.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O5WwnQ0Mh6Y[/youtube]

At each Super Bowl, GoDaddy.com ads are admitted as the sexiest ones, but what the brand does exactly sell ?… Hard to remember. Here is a remix as a reminder before the next Super Bowl…

A US series of commercials produced between 2005 and 2011 for Go Daddy.

GoDaddy.com”s savoir-faire

Where all daddies want to go

GoDaddy.com – USA – 2010. A commercial featuring Danica Patrick.

GoDaddy.com – USA – 2009. A commercial featuring Danica Patrick &amp; Mimi Mayweather.

GoDaddy.com – USA – 2011. A commercial featuring Danica Patrick &amp; Jillian Michaels.

GoDaddy.com – USA – 2010. A commercial featuring Danica Patrick.

GoDaddy.com – USA – 2009. A commercial featuring Danica Patrick.

GoDaddy.com – USA – 2005. A commercial featuring Nikki Capelli.

GoDaddy.com – USA – 2006. A commercial featuring Nikki Capelli.

GoDaddy.com – USA – 2010.

go daddy girl

We all know that sex sells, but sometimes you have to wonder what the target is. Sure, you can put a pretty girl next to a car and the image is clear, but what image do you get with sexy girls and a web hosting site? I liked watching the eye candy laden Go Daddy commercials, but it never made me think to go use their services. When it was time to pick a provided I looked up prices and customer reviews and ratings. Maybe the image of a sexy girl is to sit in the back of your mind and when you do think of web hosting or buying a domain it pops out and you go with that company.

Here is a mix of some of the more sexy Go Daddy commercials.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O5WwnQ0Mh6Y[/youtube]

At each Super Bowl, GoDaddy.com ads are admitted as the sexiest ones, but what the brand does exactly sell ?… Hard to remember. Here is a remix as a reminder before the next Super Bowl…

A US series of commercials produced between 2005 and 2011 for Go Daddy.

GoDaddy.com”s savoir-faire

Where all daddies want to go

GoDaddy.com – USA – 2010. A commercial featuring Danica Patrick.

GoDaddy.com – USA – 2009. A commercial featuring Danica Patrick & Mimi Mayweather.

GoDaddy.com – USA – 2011. A commercial featuring Danica Patrick & Jillian Michaels.

GoDaddy.com – USA – 2010. A commercial featuring Danica Patrick.

GoDaddy.com – USA – 2009. A commercial featuring Danica Patrick.

GoDaddy.com – USA – 2005. A commercial featuring Nikki Capelli.

GoDaddy.com – USA – 2006. A commercial featuring Nikki Capelli.

GoDaddy.com – USA – 2010.


Path:

Word count: 245Draft saved at 5:02:07 pm. Last edited by J.A. Laraque on September 15, 2012 at 10:19 am

Publish

Published Edit

OK Cancel

Visibility: Public Edit





OK Cancel

Published on: Aug 16, 2012 @ 12:47 Edit

, @ :

OK Cancel

Categories

Add New Category

Tags

Add or remove tags

Add New Tag

Separate tags with commas

X articleX danica PatrickX domain hostingX Go DaddyX godaddy.comX humorX jillian michaelsX mimi mayweatherX nikki capelliX sexy commercialsX sexy girlsX usaX web hosting

Choose from the most used tags

Disable sociable

Check This To Disable Sociable 2 On This Post Only.

Featured Image

Excerpt

Excerpts are optional hand-crafted summaries of your content that can be used in your theme. Learn more about manual excerpts.

Send Trackbacks


(Separate multiple URLs with spaces)

Trackbacks are a way to notify legacy blog systems that you’ve linked to them. If you link other WordPress sites they’ll be notified automatically using pingbacks, no other action necessary.

Custom Fields

NameValue

Add New Custom Field:

Enter new

Custom fields can be used to add extra metadata to a post that you can use in your theme.

Discussion


Comments

Add comment

No comments yet.

Slug

Author

// Set default heights (IE sucks)
if ( jQuery.browser.msie ) {
var VVQDialogDefaultHeight = 254;
var VVQDialogDefaultExtraHeight = 114;
} else {
var VVQDialogDefaultHeight = 246;
var VVQDialogDefaultExtraHeight = 106;
}

// This function is run when a button is clicked. It creates a dialog box for the user to input the data.
function VVQButtonClick( tag ) {

// Close any existing copies of the dialog
VVQDialogClose();

// Calculate the height/maxHeight (i.e. add some height for Blip.tv)
VVQDialogHeight = VVQDialogDefaultHeight;
VVQDialogMaxHeight = VVQDialogDefaultHeight VVQDialogDefaultExtraHeight;
if ( “bliptv” == tag ) {
VVQDialogHeight = VVQDialogDefaultHeight 16;
VVQDialogMaxHeight = VVQDialogMaxHeight 16;
} else if ( “viddler” == tag ) {
VVQDialogMaxHeight = VVQDialogDefaultHeight;
}

// Open the dialog while setting the width, height, title, buttons, etc. of it
var buttons = { “Okay”: VVQButtonOkay, “Cancel”: VVQDialogClose };
var title = “ ” VVQData[tag][“title”];
jQuery(“#vvq-dialog”).dialog({ autoOpen: false, width: 750, minWidth: 750, height: VVQDialogHeight, minHeight: VVQDialogHeight, maxHeight: VVQDialogMaxHeight, title: title, buttons: buttons, resize: VVQDialogResizing });

// Reset the dialog box incase it”s been used before
jQuery(“#vvq-dialog-slide-header”).removeClass(“selected”);
jQuery(“#vvq-dialog-input”).val(“”);
jQuery(“#vvq-dialog-tag”).val(tag);

// Set the instructions
jQuery(“#vvq-dialog-message”).html(“

” VVQData[tag][“instructions”] “

Example:

" VVQData[tag]["example"] "

“);

// Style the jQuery-generated buttons by adding CSS classes and add second CSS class to the “Okay” button
jQuery(“.ui-dialog button”).addClass(“button”).each(function(){
if ( “Okay” == jQuery(this).html() ) jQuery(this).addClass(“button-highlighted”);
});

// Hide the Dimensions box if we can”t add dimensions
if ( VVQData[tag][“width”] ) {
jQuery(“.vvq-dialog-slide”).removeClass(“hidden”);
jQuery(“#vvq-dialog-width”).val(VVQData[tag][“width”]);
jQuery(“#vvq-dialog-height”).val(VVQData[tag][“height”]);
} else {
jQuery(“.vvq-dialog-slide”).addClass(“hidden”);
jQuery(“.vvq-dialog-dim”).val(“”);
}

// Do some hackery on any links in the message — jQuery(this).click() works weird with the dialogs, so we can”t use it
jQuery(“#vvq-dialog-message a”).each(function(){
jQuery(this).attr(“onclick”, “window.open( “” jQuery(this).attr(“href”) “”, “_blank” );return false;” );
});

// Show the dialog now that it”s done being manipulated
jQuery(“#vvq-dialog”).dialog(“open”);

// Focus the input field
jQuery(“#vvq-dialog-input”).focus();
}

// Close reset
function VVQDialogClose() {
jQuery(“.ui-dialog”).height(VVQDialogDefaultHeight);
jQuery(“#vvq-dialog”).dialog(“close”);
}

// Callback function for the “Okay” button
function VVQButtonOkay() {

var tag = jQuery(“#vvq-dialog-tag”).val();
var text = jQuery(“#vvq-dialog-input”).val();
var width = jQuery(“#vvq-dialog-width”).val();
var height = jQuery(“#vvq-dialog-height”).val();

if ( !tag || !text ) return VVQDialogClose();

if ( “bliptv” == tag && width && height && ( width != VVQData[tag][“width”] || height != VVQData[tag][“height”] ) ) {
var text = text.replace(/]/, ” width=”” width “” height=”” height “”]”);
} else if ( “viddler” != tag && “bliptv” != tag ) {
if ( width && height && ( width != VVQData[tag][“width”] || height != VVQData[tag][“height”] ) )
var text = “[” tag ” width=”” width “” height=”” height “”]” text “[/” tag “]”;
else
var text = “[” tag “]” text “[/” tag “]”;
}

if ( typeof tinyMCE != “undefined” && ( ed = tinyMCE.activeEditor ) && !ed.isHidden() ) {
ed.focus();
if (tinymce.isIE)
ed.selection.moveToBookmark(tinymce.EditorManager.activeEditor.windowManager.bookmark);

ed.execCommand(“mceInsertContent”, false, text);
} else
edInsertContent(edCanvas, text);

VVQDialogClose();
}

// This function is called while the dialog box is being resized.
function VVQDialogResizing( test ) {
if ( jQuery(“.ui-dialog”).height() > VVQDialogHeight ) {
jQuery(“#vvq-dialog-slide-header”).addClass(“selected”);
} else {
jQuery(“#vvq-dialog-slide-header”).removeClass(“selected”);
}
}

// On page load…
jQuery(document).ready(function(){
// Add the buttons to the HTML view
jQuery(“#ed_toolbar”).append(““);

// Make the “Dimensions” bar adjust the dialog box height
jQuery(“#vvq-dialog-slide-header”).click(function(){
var slide = jQuery(“#vvq-dialog-slide”);

if ( jQuery(this).hasClass(“selected”) ) {
jQuery(this).removeClass(“selected”);
jQuery(this).parents(“.ui-dialog”).animate({ height: VVQDialogHeight }, function(){
if ( !slide.hasClass(“hidden”) )
slide.hide();
});
} else {
jQuery(this).addClass(“selected”);
jQuery(this).parents(“.ui-dialog”).animate({ height: VVQDialogMaxHeight });
if ( !slide.hasClass(“hidden”) )
slide.show();
}
});

// If the Enter key is pressed inside an input in the dialog, do the “Okay” button event
jQuery(“#vvq-dialog :input”).keyup(function(event){
if ( 13 == event.keyCode ) // 13 == Enter
VVQButtonOkay();
});

// Make help links open in a new window to avoid loosing the post contents
jQuery(“#vvq-dialog-slide a”).each(function(){
jQuery(this).click(function(){
window.open( jQuery(this).attr(“href”), “_blank” );
return false;
});
});
});
// ]]>

“Pin It” Button Settings

Button style is inherited from setting saved in “Pin It” Button Settings. Current style: User selects image

These 3 text fields will be used only if the button style is: Image pre-selected




If checked displays the button for this post/page (if Individual Posts (for posts) or WordPress Static “Pages” (for pages) is also checked in “Pin It” Button Settings). If unchecked the button will always be hidden for this post/page.

Sharing

All in One SEO Pack


Upgrade to All in One SEO Pack Pro Version

Title:
characters. Most search engines use a maximum of 60 chars for the title.
Description:
characters. Most search engines use a maximum of 160 chars for the description.
Keywords (comma separated):
Disable on this page/post:


whole word vs phonicskindergarten phonics activities systematic synthetic phonics phonics flashcardslearning to read websites for kids
PlayPlay

Michelle Jenneke: Sexy Dancer

Michelle Jenneke

With the Olympics upon us we will have plenty of chances to see sexy athletes doing what they do in their sport. This time around we get an early treat as Austrian runner, Michelle Henneke is caught on video warming up with a sexy little jumping/dancing act. Of course, soon after it hit the internet it went viral complete with music. Enjoy.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tMgmYutL9W0[/youtube]

PSY: Gangnam Style

PSY - GANGNAM STYLE

It has been a while since we had one of our international music videos. Here is a good one I am sure won’t disappoint.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9bZkp7q19f0[/youtube]

Here is another verison

6TH STUDIO ALBUM [PSY 6甲]
▶ NOW available on iTunes: http://bit.ly/NWJhWD
▶ Pre-order at YG-eShop: http://bit.ly/MlE373

From 2 years of break, PSY is finally coming back with his 6th album ‘PSY6甲’!
The album’s weighty title song ‘Gangnam Style’ is composed solely by PSY himself from lyrics to choreography. The song is characterized by its strongly addictive beats and lyrics, and is thus certain to penetrate the foundations of modern philosophy.

가수 싸이가 6집 앨범 ‘싸이6甲(싸이육갑)’으로 2년 만에 전격 컴백한다!
타이틀 곡은 싸이가 직접 작사·작곡한 ‘강남스타일’로 싸이는 멜로디, 가사, 안무 등 다방면에서 강한 중독성을 보여 줄 예정이다.

For More Information @
http://www.facebook.com/officialpsy
http://twitter.com/ygent_official
http://me2day.net/psyfive
http://www.psypark.com
App Store: http://goo.gl/l9TU6
Google Play: http://goo.gl/UiEn1

The Dark Knight & 60’s Robin

Robin and the Dark Knight

Anyone who remembers the 60’s campy Batman television show will love this video. They take the 60’s Robin and pair him with the Dark Knight and I have to admit it is pretty damn funny.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1-GkQihKYvM[/youtube]

Raccoon vs Possum

Raccoon vs Possum

In life, you will run across those that will boldly take from you and no have a care in the world. Fight as you may you soon realize it is hopeless and search elsewhere for scraps. Sadly this is a truthisum even in the animal world as you will see in this video. Take notice of how the Raccoon does not give a care what the opossum thinks.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oMgHhcEUa2g[/youtube]

Steve Jobs vs Bill Gates. Epic Rap Battles of History Season 2

Bill Gates vs Steve Jobs

The war between PC and Apple continues and this time in rap battle form thanks to the guys over at Epic Rap Battles of History. I think this is one of their best.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=njos57IJf-0[/youtube]

Download This Song: http://bit.ly/KzLBGB
Click to Tweet this Vid-ee-oh! http://bit.ly/Nt9lg8

Hi. My name is Nice Peter,
and this is EpicLLOYD,
and this is the Epic Rap Battles of History, Season 2.

You can vote for your winners on our website:http://epicrapbattlesofhistory.com
and follow ERB on Twitter: @erbofhistory

As always, these videos could not be possible without your suggestions, your subscription, and the help of a lot of awesome people.

CAST

Steve Jobs: Nice Peter
http://www.youtube.com/NicePeter
http://Facebook.com/NicePeter

Bill Gates: EpicLLOYD
http://www.youtube.com/EpicLLOYD
http://Facebook.com/epiclloyd

HAL9000: Nice Peter
Model By: http://goldenarmor.com/

Written by: Nice Peter, EpicLLOYD, Lauren Flans and Zach Sherwin aka MC Mr. Napkins
http://www.youtube.com/McMrNapkins

Beat Produced by: Tristan Krauss
Check out more of his music at http:www.tristanbeats.com

Song Produced by Nice Peter
Mixed by: Rafael Serrano and Nice Peter

CREW
Directed by Dave McCary
http://www.youtube.com/David

On Set VFX Coordinator and Compositing by Sean Barrett
http://www.youtube.com/gnarlywich

Edited by Dave McCary and Nice Peter

Assistant Editors:
Andrew Sherman
Marc Chester
http://www.youtube.com/thatssomarc

Director of Photography: Jon Na
Gaffer: Arthur Hong

Music Supervisor and Playback: Dante Cimadamore AKA Dante Motion
http://www.youtube.com/givememotion

Costume Design and Art Direction: Mary Gutfleisch
http://youtube.com/marydoodles

Key Costumer: Natalia Fedner
http://youtube.com/nataliafedner

Makeup and Hair: Ashlyn Melancon
http://www.makeupbyashlyn.com

Script Supervisor and Production Assistant: Marc Chester

Production Assistants: Jose Mendoza http://youtube.com/jays2good,
Atul Singh and Russell Ford

Produced by Michelle Maloney
Executive Producer: Mickey Meyer
Maker Studios, Los Angeles, CA

Cat Interrupts Reporter By Climbing On Her

cat_and_reporter

We have seen reporters fall down, curse and get in fights, but sometimes a “bad thing” can happen to a reporter that is pretty cute. Apparently the cat in the video is already around that area and decided to get in on the report.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bGBy6SO43rs[/youtube]

Mom Spanked the Gay Out of Me!

mom spanked the gay out of me

This seriously is one of those, is it fake, videos. In it a man talks about being disciplined by his mother and how that helped him be happily married today. So far it sounds weird, but believable right? Well, check out when he describes how he was punished in his mothers voices.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zYRhVcJsypg[/youtube]

J.A. Cares: The Banned Bachelor

Unemployment is just too much fun which is why there hasn’t been a new post since like forever. However, as the e-mail inbox continues to stack up (all spam) it’s time to get back to work. Since we are in wedding season I decided to try and help (ridicule) someone who is having a problem with a bachelor party.

Laramie Piton from Tea Party, Texas writes:

I’m going to be married soon and my best man wants to throw me and awesome bachelor party, but my girl is insanely jealous and doesn’t want me to have one without her. Isn’t the point to have one last big fun party before you tie the knot? It’s not like I want to cheat or do anything to piss her off, I just want to have a party with my boys. Is that too much to ask? What should I do J.A.?

How many times do I have to tell you? Marriage is like buying an American car, it’s been drilled into you that you should do it, but it sucks and you will regret it in the end. I guess it is too late for that advice, you are getting married, but let’s address what we can shall we?

If you feel jealous something is wrong with YOU?

Why won’t women get that men have to look at other women. First of all it is like the sun is to Superman, it gives us strength and though some men will fly toward it most of us know it’s best to observe from a distance. Every time you flip out on your man over looking it is more likely he will start touching.

Second we look for several reasons, but a few of the top reasons are because:

  1. She has something you don’t
  2. She’s doing something you won’t
  3. She’s breathing

Number three you can’t help, but if your man likes looking at a firm body then maybe you should firm up. However, this goes both ways guys. If you are looking at a firm body and you are a bowl of jello then you are just window shopping, which is fine, just realize you can’t afford what you are looking at.

The road to failure

Simply put, if your girlfriend is going crazy over a bachelor party then you have a long hard road ahead of you. First off, the bachelor party is a time honored tradition. Honestly it is kind of stupid because you are almost admitting marriage sucks the life out of you which is why you have to enjoy one last night out as if you are going to jail or something.

If younger women dancing around you and causing you embarrassment and a mild erection burns her up inside that much then you have a drama queen on your hand. Symptoms of a drama queen include:

  1. Thinking everything is about her
  2. Keeping you from doing things then doing it herself
  3. Crying over stupid shit
  4. Whining and complaining a lot
  5. Playing the victim
  6. Unrealistic expectations

The last one is killer because in her mind she has already mapped out everything and you will fail to live up to it. This starts with denying you a bachelor party and next thing you know you are having a scientology wedding with a Tom Cruise look-a-like as your minister.

Ball searching

Men have lost the middle ground. We seem to have two levels now, complete pussy and raging abusive asshat. There has to be a middle ground where we make our opinions clear and stand up for what we want. You must search for your balls and even if you find them in her heart shaped box you can still reattach them. If you don’t do this now you will end up hating yourself and her in the end.

On the flipside, don’t be a hypocrite. If she wants to go to Chippendales or whatever then you can’t turn all emo on her. Communication is key, you can do it now or when your divorce lawyers meet, the choice is yours.

Still on Vacation

I hope to help more of you saps, but until Obama kicks me out of his house I’m going to continue chillaxing in his basement. Keep the e-mails coming, I’ll be back in another six months.