Repost Rewind: The Art of the AFK

You know what’s great about World of Warcraft? Well one is the fact that at any time of the day you can log on and find a ton of others to play with or against. You can immerse yourself in it, for better or worse. The not so great thing about World of Warcraft is that you cannot pause it. Even the most pimp ridden, sunlight deprived, basement dwelling teenager needs to step away from the keyboard. A.F.K., Away From Keyboard, most of the time someone typing that causes no alarm, this article is not about those times.

I’m just as guilty as you are

I’m new here; this is my first post, so before I get all smart-alecky on you I will tell you a story about myself. During my days in Everquest (You know EQ right, the first 3D MMO?) I was in a guild called, Clan of Shadows, ran by its leader, a fowl loud mouth named Mack. He would scream and curse and do everything to grief other players and guilds, good times. By the time I joined I was growing tired of EQ. For those that don’t know EQ had raids that could last eight plus hours, so one could grow tired very easily.

We were in a zone called Kael, after the boss of the zone, King Tormax, aka, The God of War. We had to wait for him to spawn and spawn times in EQ could run from two to twelve hours. This did not keep his guards from spawning so we had to clear them out and keep other guilds from popping up and stealing him. (There were no instances in EQ at the time.)

After about seven hours I was tired and didn’t want to play anymore. My office chair was small and my ass much too big. I sent a tell (whisper) to Mack letting him know I was going to A.F.K for a bit and feign death my shadow knight right where we were to pull the boss. He typed back something I could not make out, but I assumed it was approval so I went A.F.K for just a few minutes.

Four hours later I awake and rush over to my computer to find this.

Just pretend this is the right zone and that Talon Zek guy is The Avatar of War and the arrow pointing to Rulfridah’s corpse is really pointing to my, still alive feign death’d self. I was scared. I knew how crazy the guild leader was, but I figured they wiped either way, that I made no difference. I was wrong.

I scroll through my chat log and find the following:

(Edited for time and content)

Mack tells the guild: Pulling AOW, get ready!

Mack tells the guild: AOW incoming!

Mack tells the guild: Heal me mother f…kers!

Mack tells the guild: I’m turning this fat bastard!

Mack tells the guild: We got him if you f..kers don’t f..k up!

Mack tells the guild: HEAL!!!!

Mack tells the guild: I’m down! Second Tank, Tank that mother f..ker!

Mack tells the guild: You stupid f..ks heal the goddamn tank!

Mack tells the guild: We’re losing tanks like I’m losing hair dealing with you stupid mother f..kers!

Mack tells the guild: 10%, balls to the wall!

Mack tells the guild: 3%, you are about to bust a nut, don’t f..k up now!

Mack tells the guild: 1%, we are out of tanks! Someone tank!

Mack whispers me: Get the f..k up and tank, he’s at 1%!

Mack whispers me: Tank you mother f..ker!

Mack whispers me: Oh my f..king God, are you A.F.K? Tank! Tank! Tank!

Mack tells the guild: We lost because of that A.F.K.’ing mother f..ker Reebo! Everyone send him tells!

Mack whispers me: If it wasn’t for Affirmative Action I would kick you from the guild right now!

So in the end if I wasn’t A.F.K we would have beaten AOW. I felt so bad I had to post on the boards and confess my sins.

Click here to read the full post

In the end I apologized and was spared though mostly because I made videos of our raids that Mack liked that and Affirmative Action.

Visits: 2004