Lorin Jameson: The World’s Worst Bullshitter
In this world there are a special group of individuals who are hired to spit bullshit into the faces of others. These people are normally hired into public relations or in some dire situations they even ascend to an executive ranking. This is the case for Lorin Jameson, the executive producer of DCUO.
What has this personality done to earn the honor of the “World’s Worst Bullshitter”? If you’ve read the recent newsletters that have been put out for DCUO, you’d wholeheartedly understand. Oh don’t worry, I won’t leave you in the dark. Here’s the Producer’s Letter for May 16th.
As RadarX previously announced, we will soon introduce new technology into DC Universe Online which will allow us to combine our current servers into huge MegaServers. I wanted to answer some of the questions that have popped up on the forums and Facebook to better explain what these MegaServers will mean to the game.
Why are you creating MegaServers?
We have a very large and active population in DCUO. As players achieve higher levels, a lot more of the game involves participating in Raids, Arenas, Duos, Alerts, and other queued instances. After examining how the queues were working in detail, we saw our players were spending far too much time waiting and not enough time playing. This just would not do. We wanted an approach that would not only help players waiting for queued content, but ensured that no matter when you play, there are a maximum number of people in the cities as well. MegaServers offers a way to have an incredible experience no matter what your play habits are.
I am on a PvP server. Will I still be with other PvP players when I get to a MegaServer?
Yes! MegaServers use “phasing” technology, meaning there is more than one version, or phase, of Metropolis and Gotham on the server. Players who selected PvP servers when they created their characters will always be in a PvP phase of the shared world with other PvP players. The same goes for PvE players; They will always be placed in PvE phases. However, since the queues will be shared, PvE and PvP players will be able to group up for Alerts, Raids, Duos, etc. greatly increasing the pool of available players for matchmaking. It is a very cool system that really maximizes the people online, and nearby, for you to play with.
Will I still be able to play with my friends?
Yes! We have algorithms that will attempt to place you in the same phase as your friends and League members. Even if you you end up in a different phase, you can almost always phase to your friends. Using the UI, or a command like /phase SooperBFF you will be relocated to SooperBFF’s phase in the same location that you phased from. There will be some limitations on when you can phase based on whether you are in combat, in an Alert or Duo, etc. but I think you will find it is easy to get together with the folks you want to play with.
MegaServers? Why that name?
It just felt big. Putting hundreds of thousands of folks on the same server felt Mega! We considered ‘UberServers’ and ‘MonsterServers’ as well.
We will be rolling out more information in the days ahead. Have a great time playing DCUO!
Lorin ‘DeadMeat’ Jameson
Executive Producer
DC Universe Online
If you read through the whole newsletter, you’re probably disgusted. I’m sure, though, there is a select group of readers who can’t help but breathe from their mouths and not understand why I feel an ulcer building up after reading this letter. Let me break it down for you as easily as I can.
Lorin Jameson thinks you’re an ignoramus, a dimwit, and a nincompoop.
Harsh words, I know, but I didn’t say it. Lorin said it all with this smoothie of diarrhea he calls a Producer’s Letter.
I know it’s a company’s job to always think positively and on the bright side. No doom and gloom here! Always a happy go lucky, we’re still striving kind of attitude. That’s commendable but when you lie to cover up the shortcomings of your product that’s just disgusting when contradictions come into play.
DCUO has a very large and active population? Don’t fucking lie. Everyone I know that is still playing says it’s a ghost town and I was stilling playing two months after release and things were already getting dramatically scarce. If you don’t want people to think you’re a fucking liar, don’t even mention the population! No one asked how big the population was! How can there be a very active and large population when Lorin later states people are spending too much time waiting and not enough time playing? It contradicts itself!
That horrible method of delivering his bullshit isn’t even the worst part. It’s how he brands these consolidated servers as MegaServers. Every MMORPG in the history of MMORPGs that has had a dwindling population have consolidated their dying servers by merging them together. Everything Lorin Jameson said after “very large and active population” opposes that very statement.
Another small peeve I had was when he answered the question as to whether people will be able to play with their friends still. He answers with “algorithms”. That’s fucking swell, Lorin. They don’t give a fuck about your “phasing” technology and algorithms. You’re throwing around terms like they’re fascinating and new; as if gamers have no fucking idea what you’re talking about. Just say “Yeah you’ll be able to play with your friends! We have it set up so everything works just as it should!” Don’t act like you’re the first MMO to merge servers and you’re light years ahead of the rest of the world with your fucking algorithms.
Oh, wait I’m not done with this fucking letter. At the fucking end he then responds to the question pondering why they chose to name it MegaServers. He mentions how it felt Mega putting hundreds of thousands of folks on the same server. The only Mega thing I can think of when I read his description for MegaServers were Mega pellets of brown hail pelting me to death from the bullshit storm he is spewing all over the place.
Sony has had some really shitty people speak for them but Lorin Jameson just takes the fucking cake. Go eat a dick, Lorin Jameson.
Oh by the way, what happened to those monthly content updates and that Green Lantern content? Not making it in time for the movie? That just shows how incompetent SOE is to gain back some subscribers following this summer’s super hero movie craze.
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See what happens when you turn us down for an interview 🙂 Suck it and die bitches!
I’ll get right to the point. One day, Mr. Lorin Jameson will order his admirers to rob from the rich but—unlike Robin Hood—give to what I call deranged finks. In the text that follows, I don’t intend to recount all of the damage caused by Jameson’s callous criticisms but I do want to point out that one of Jameson’s most loyal henchmen is known to have remarked, “Jameson is a spokesman for God.” And there you have it: a direct quote from a primary source. The significance of that quote is that Jameson is not just untoward. He is unbelievably, astronomically untoward.
For those of you out there who don’t know what I’m talking about, let me give you a quick explanation: Jameson’s most steadfast claim is that his way of life is correct and everyone else’s isn’t. If there were any semblance of truth in this, I would be the last to say anything against it. As it stands, however, there is no excuse for the innumerable errors of fact, the slovenly and philistine artistic judgments, the historical ineptitude, the internal contradictions, and the various half-truths, untruths, and gussied-up truths that litter every one of Jameson’s essays from the first word to the last. Jameson’s latest diatribe is Jameson-style lunacy at its very finest. Every despicable word of that diatribe paints a perfect picture of Jameson’s hysteria and reveals that there is a format Jameson should follow for his next literary endeavor. It involves a topic sentence and supporting facts. His opinions may have been conceived in idealism, but they quickly degenerated into uppity Maoism.
I’ve already said this a thousand times and with a thousand different phrasings, but I recently checked out one of Jameson’s recent tracts. Oh, look; he’s again saying that the best way to reduce cognitive dissonance and restore homeostasis to one’s psyche is to suppress people’s instinct and intellect. Raise your hand if you’re surprised. Seriously, though, once people obtain the critical skills that enable them to think and reflect and speculate independently, they’ll realize that Jameson’s double standards are destructive. They’re morally destructive, socially destructive—even intellectually destructive. And, as if that weren’t enough, in a recent essay, Jameson stated that we should avoid personal responsibility. Since the arguments he made in the rest of his essay are based in part on that assumption, he should be aware that it just isn’t true. Not only that, but he has been trying for some time to sell the public on a priggism-based government. Jameson’s sales pitch proceeds both pragmatically and emotionally. The pragmatic argument: The world is crying out to labor beneath his firm but benevolent heel. The emotional argument: An open party with unlimited access to alcohol can’t possibly outgrow the host’s ability to manage the crowd. As you can see, neither argument is valid, which should indicate to you that I want to give people more information about Jameson, help them digest and assimilate and understand that information, and help them draw responsible conclusions from it. Here’s one conclusion I certainly hope people draw: Jameson ought to realize that the most valuable of all talents is that of never using two words when one will do. Unfortunately, he tends to utter so much verbiage about sexism that I can conclude only that I should note that Jameson’s accomplices believe that everything will be hunky-dory if we let Jameson make bargains with the devil. It should not be surprising that they believe this, however. As we all know, minds that have been so maimed that they believe that my bitterness at Jameson is merely the latent projection of libidinal energy stemming from self-induced anguish can believe anything, especially if it’s false. Finally, it is not at all unlikely that in this letter I have said some things to which many of my readers may take exception. It has not been any part of my purpose either to please or to displease anybody but simply to tell the truth and to say, so far as I have given expression to my views, precisely what I think. And what I think is this: Mr. Lorin Jameson considers our independence to be the most formidable obstacle in the path of his ambitions and business pursuits.
Very funny article but why are you being so nice to that guy, he deserves worse than ‘nincompoop’. Although the ending ratchets it up quite nicely.
Quite the tour de force of fact-free flaming.
Everyone you know that’s still playing is not evidence of anything. Many UO players, to this day, will insist that the release of Renaissance decimated the subscriber base when it actually doubled it. The reason: lots of people they knew left then. Thus, citing the behavior and perceptions of people you know is not proof of anything. It’s rant in lieu of argument.
And to use UO again for a moment, given that this forum is supposed to be about legendary gamers and is called Obsolete Gamer, despite an ongoing decline in player numbers, UO did not shut down servers in response. Just something for that historical perspective of yours.
I understand and I sympathize with players who find top-down communication annoying or even insulting. I don’t have much use for Letters from the Producer or the like. I prefer two-way comms as we all do. Nonetheless, this is merely a temper tantrum posing as reason. Useless.
Yes, it would seem fact-free for me to claim the population is going into a downward spiral simply from the perspective of “friends” I know who are playing. Maybe I should’ve labeled my friends into a larger category as acquaintances, work partners, and multiple different users on the Fires of Heaven, DCUO Source, and DCUO boards who are all complaining about the lack of players in the game. I should also probably name my insider who got me into the closed friends and family beta, the same friend who has informed me that even in the SOE offices there are meetings about how quickly the population spiked down after the initial free month, or that the reason content isn’t being dished out for this game is because they see the development time of new content as a sinkhole they won’t recover from the current base of subscribers.
DCUO is going to get a free to play treatment if it survives another year. If not, its going to get the axe like the rest of SOE’s studios and projects. They even stated they only want to focus on Everquest 3 and Planetside 2.
Oh and as for my historical perspective on Ultima Online, there were growing concerns about the population declining and a cluster shard was considered, akin to how DAOC clusters their servers.There is a decline in their playerbase and merging the shards has been of constant debate. Catskill and Atlantic are their only server with a healthy population.
Renaissance came out in 2000, what other MMOs were there to run to at that time? Everquest? Asheron’s Call? Not many choices. Back then people were less likely to run to another MMO for multiple reasons. Nowadays, people have MMO ADD and jump from game to game. If you think its bullshit that players nomad that way you haven’t been into the MMO scene for a long time.
Don’t bother trying to defend yourself, darling. I don’t rat out my inside sources.
Rearrange the letters
Lorin Jameson = Jor-el Mansion
^^^ PROOF that this is all a cash grab exploiting the history of Superman!!!!@1!!11