Ask the Fucking Professor Christmas Special.

Welcome to Ask the Fucking Professor. If you have a question or a problem that cannot be answered by anyone, do not despair, you can always Ask the Professor! If Professor Lazarus can’t find the answer then there probably isn’t one.

As a Christmas treat OI has put together a blooper reel of some of the answers of 2007 that Prof is not exactly proud of

Whats the best way to transport sensitive public data?
Dave

Well my inquisitve friend there are various methods you could use, most are very expensive, personnaly I cannot see the harm in putting the data onto a dislk and popping them into the internal post. I would not worry about them going missing, who is going to notice?

The lads have been great on the pitch this year and I want to give them a really good xmas party, any suggestions?
Alex

Well Alex, I suggest you get a blazing good hotel, put on a free bar, fill the place full of young pissed lasses and a peppering of photographers, not only will they have a fabulous night the good publicity you will generate for the club will make Manchester proud.

I always lose at hide and seek, can you tell me what the best hiding place is?
Maddy

Oh this is easy, if you really want to vex your opponants simply wait till they take you on holiday and when they go out for a meal fake your own abduction. Make sure you put little specks of your blood on the walls and if possible ensure you hide some toys in their hire car, that will really put them off your scent. You could probably hide for months.

I am currently working with a class of 10 year olds in the Sudan and our currrent project is to name a teddy bear, the class have come with the usual banal names liike “teddy” and “fluffy” but I want somthing that will capture their imaginations, what dio you suggest?
Gillian

Well Gillian, I would go for somthing that really rings true to the tradition of the country, somthing that will get them talking, try Mohammed. Let me know how it goes.

Happy Birthday, Jesus, have some sprouts. If you have a question for the Professor, don’t send an email to Professor@ObscureInternet.com or post it in the forum as the lazy tosser is still on sabatical.

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J.A. Laraque

J.A. Laraque is a freelance writer and novelist. His passion for writing mixed with a comedic style and intelligent commentary has brought him success in his various endeavors. Whatever the subject, J.A. has an opinion on it and will present it in writing with an insight and flair that is both refreshing and informative.