Ask the Fucking Professor

Welcome to Ask the Fucking Professor.

Why is it called ANTarctic and not ANTIarctic?
hansisland

If it was ANTIartic that would suggest that it is opposite of Arctic which as any self respecting geologition will tell you is absurd, the Antarctic is 200 nautical miles east of the Artic, its only the likes of lazy atlas makers and Google Earth that peddle the fantasy that it is on the direct opposite side of the earth. If that where the case that would mean the earth is round rather than the trapezoid it actually is.

A Trapazoid

Antartic is named so because it is where the legendary Tar Tick lives, which of course there is only 1 of, and he is not good at grammar which is proved in the name, if it where gramaticatiously accurate it would of named its island Atartic. A rookie mistake.

With so many different dog races to choose from, why would anyone choose a whippet (cross between a greyhound, a pair of bollocks and a broomhandle) ?
hansisland

This goes back to ancient Egypt where cats were thought to be gods, (A fact I proved false in my “If cats were gods they could survive this” series of experiments) however the Egytians did not have my genius and believed the feline to be dieties. To this end they bred a dog that could be devoured by a cat, and the whippet was born, however after millenia of being chased and eaten by cats the humble whippet has evolved into the only thing in nature that can run faster than a cat. Except perhaps the shetland pony, which has a wicked turn of pace when it needs too. Seriously people, the little fuckers are like shit off a stick.

Roman blinds was a gang of eccentrics who,around 120bc, all walked off a cliff and drowned off sicily. Why has ikea named their ‘vertical curtains’ after this ancient group of suicidal publicity seekers?
hansisland

This is because the ancestors of the Roman blinds now run Ikea, and they are subtly and slowly bringing there forefathers out of the obscurity of the history books and into the living rooms of people who think Swedish minimilsm is cool, the reasoning behind this publicity campaign is simple. They are retards.

Why does the table salt I bought, specifically for putting into a cake, come with anti-caking agent?
Crag2804

It started after the Mongolian cake massacre of 2003 in which 459 people endured the “Caking” a brutal way to die in which the “Caked” are quite litterly eaten from the inside by rouge cake chemicals. Since then every product that is used is in the construction of cakes must have an anti-caking agent, a simple chemical compound that nullifies the brutal, catastrphic caking agent. You will only find non-anti-caking agent cakes on the black market and are ate as a sort of extreme sport.

Beef, it’s whats for dinner. If you have a question for the Professor, send an email to Professor@ObscureInternet.com or post it in the forum.

More Like This


Categories


Game Reviews