Ask the Fucking Professor

Welcome to Ask the Fucking Professor. If you have a question or a problem that cannot be answered by anyone, do not despair, you can always Ask the Professor! If Professor Lazarus can’t find the answer then there probably isn’t one.

Why will my father not return me to the palace he stole me from? I know I was born a princess and not meant for a life of working!!
Mamma Jamma

After several days of Genealogicalistic research I have found that your bloodline can be traced to the Macedonian Royal Family, there is good news and bad news, Macedonia is now a Republic and its entire Royal Family killified in 1993, locally this massacre is called “The Harvest of Crowns”, this leaves you as a direct decendant of King Alan XVII (Colourfully refered to as the “Bastard Maker”) 2nd in line for throne (after your Father), This is the good news. The bad news is that my research has alerted the Macedonian President to your presence and his Elite Regicide Squad have been dispatched to dispatch you and your family. Its probably too late for your father, however if you leave now, change your name and appearance you may yet lead a full and productive life as a prostitute in Prague.

Apologies for that.

Whats left when you wash mud?
King Puck

Ah, the old mud question, washed mud goes through what we call the de-mudification process, as the water bonds with the molecular structure of the mud it transmogriphies into a yellowy fluid, the resulting Slurry is canned and sold by Budweiser.

Any cure for anal leakage?
Maybel

There is no cure Anal leakage the best you can do is stem the flow using a technique first developed by lazy merchant navy sailors who suffered terribly with anus spray, the discovered by that by inserting a digit into there rectum reduced the amount of discharge, thus the old saying “Oi! stop standing around with your finger up your arse”

In a recent conversation with a friend, I said that it wasn’t possible to do that that thing. Do you agree?
Mick

Wholeheartidly, recent studies into that thing have revealed that not only is not possible it could quite possibly have disatrous consequences if attempted, and has now been regognised as the single biggest cause of anal leakage since the invention of Budweiser.

It’s a good answer but it’s not right. If you have a question for the Professor, send an email to Professor@ObscureInternet.com or post it in the forum. 

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