Ask the Fucking Professor

Welcome to Ask the Fucking Professor.

If you have a question or a problem that cannot be answered by anyone, do not despair, you can always Ask the Professor! If Professor Lazarus can’t find the answer then there probably isn’t one.

Scientifical blockbuster
If I hire Mission Impossible 3 from Blockbuster, will the profits go to the church of scientology directly?

No, all profits from every Hollywood film since Clash of the Titans has been funnelled directly into a foundation that funds scientifical research, from the reanimation of Walt Disney to the study of the indecipherable Matrix Script. Speculation abounds that the film “Armageddon” starring Bruce Willis was in fact a documentary.

Gravitron vs. liars
Is is by chance ‘gravitron the all catching’ that has all these teaspoons…

“Light has been spreading out across the universe ever since the big bang. As the universe increases in size, the light has to fill a larger and larger area, supposedly making it weaker in appearance. This also applies to teaspoons. The frequency of teaspoon sightings on Earth decreases as the universe expands. In more common terms “there aren’t any bloody teaspoons left”.

This obviously isn’t true is it?

Haha, this is what happens when you get pissed up with a reporter, they take anything you say as gospel truth, I was completely misquoted there, what I actually said was the universe is collapsing in on itself and eventually it will be the size of spoon, probably within the next 2 to 3 years.

Bloody hacks.

Today is?
What day is it…???

Why, its “today”, or, depending entirely on your point of view, language and or state of mind it could also be “Yak milk”

Just the job
What can I do to make sure I get this job I’m going for on Monday cos I really, really, really want it????

Its probably too late now but make sure that you wear a single black leather glove, this is scientifically proven to be the best garment to wear at an interview, it makes you look powerful, in control and not afraid to take chances.

Also take my advice regarding your subconscious, fool it into thinking you do not want the job and it will surely help you get what you don’t (but secretly do) want.

Yabba Dabba Do. If you have a question for the Professor, send an email to Professor@ObscureInternet.com or post it in the forum.  

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