Ask the Fucking Professor

Welcome to Ask the Fucking Professor.

If you have a question or a problem that cannot be answered by anyone, do not despair, you can always Ask the Professor! If Professor Lazarus can’t find the answer then there probably isn’t one.

How come babies can piss through a hard on?
Bill

It is only after puberty than males develop the “Cock-Flap” a small flap of cartilage that effectively shuts the door on urine. It Usually slams shut after you have had a couple of drinks and then masturbate, you can be bursting for a piss and still have to stand for what feels like hours in front of the toilet. The reason for this is because mother nature is sexually frustrated bitter little women, thus the importance of World Aids day.

When in a restaurant listening to stories of tesla coils why would a women go to powder her nose and then never return?
hansisland

The revelation of Tesla’s discoveries is more than most people can take, after one or two stories they need to go away to a secluded room, sometimes for months to contemplate the awesomeness of what they have been told.

At least, that’s what I like to tell myself.

Would an airplane actually end up in finland or the bermuda triangle, if i forgot to switch my mobile phone off?
hansisland

Hahahaha! not at all, indeed I would encourage people to use more electrical equipment on planes. To explain this I need to explain how planes fly.

Basically they hate themselves. Its a well established fact that hatred is the second most powerful force in nature (sex sugar being numero uno) Aerospacialist Engineers try to tell us that its all down to aerodynamics and thrust but that is because they cannot reveal the truth (they would be killified by Elite Boeing Death Squads) Now because people using mobile phones causes a marked increase in hatred in fellow passengers the plane would actually fly faster. Indeed the Space Shuttle is launched using only old episodes of Big Brother.

Do women really wash their hair when they are ‘busy’?
hansisland

I am sorry to say that is not the case. Its a an easy way to let ugly men down when they ask them out. I say they should be more honest. If they were we could channel the subsequent hatred into fuelling chainsaws.

Many men have had you. If you have a question for the Professor, send an email to Professor@ObscureInternet.com or post it in the forum.

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J.A. Laraque

J.A. Laraque is a freelance writer and novelist. His passion for writing mixed with a comedic style and intelligent commentary has brought him success in his various endeavors. Whatever the subject, J.A. has an opinion on it and will present it in writing with an insight and flair that is both refreshing and informative.