Game Reviews

Ask… Jay Kay

Jay Kay Twat

Jason “Jay” Kay is a the funk musician. He is the main composer and lead singer of Jamiroquai. now he answers your problems.




Gamers Puzzling Problems

JAY KAY, Whoo!
I have a problem, ha! Of course I have problem, why would I be asking your advice if I did not have a problem lol! Rofl!! Me-wipes tears from eyes laughing.
Anyway I am a serious gamehead, I play counter-strike any free time I have, and its putting a MASSIVE strain on my marriage, as you would say, “7|-|4 817¢|-| j|_|57 |)0|\|’7 |_||\||)3r574|\||)” I’m at the top of my game, about to turn pro, I gotta 5.3 kill rating which pretty much means I have serious pwnage over the newb’s, listen, last night I was on a pubserv and I raped and pillaged the CT’s (I always play T’s) all night, they were calling me a |-|4><0r1|\|9 ¢4|\/|p1|\|9 5|\|1p3r \/\/|-|0r3, but I don’t care. Anyway what can I do to save my marriage?
[UK_SKULZ] |\|3\/\/8|<1||3r,

Jay Kay replies.

I have not got a fucking clue what you are on about, from what I can gather you play computer games and your bitch does not like it. I don’t like it either, I’m with the hoe on this one. Get wit the groove brother, take the lady on the highway of funk, treat her to a light fantastique night of boogie and buzz.

If that don’t float her boat, send her to the “J” I’ll show her why I’m called Special K by the fly girls, I’ll pass her back with a smile on her face and tingle in her poon.

Bullied Automaton

Dear Jay kay 
I am getting bullied at school, I am not ugly, I’m pretty good at sport, and I get average school grades, you know the type, I’m one of the faceless automatons that just seem to be there. Yet, some girls have started to tease me, calling me all sorts of names, I just ignored them to start with, but a couple of days ago one of them punched me in the face, now I have always been taught not to hit girls but this one nearly broke my nose. What should I do?
Alan (14),

Jay Replies

I hear your pain brother, I had similar bum time at school, some bitch had my life for months, then I found the groove my man, I found the groove! I turned up to school in a furry top hat, popped out a few disco moves and within 2 weeks that bitch was doing the do down on me, you catch my drift? I loved her mouth then dumped the biatch. Take it from me, find your groove, strut in and become the top-cock of the school .

Loads of Money?

Dear Jay
I’ve got a nice problem, I got left a substantial sum money when she pegged it. I got about 20 grand, what do you reckon, should I invest in the stock market? Or put it in a medium yield low risk savings account?
Bob “I’m in the money” Newhart,


20grand, wooo your in the big leagues now! For fucks sake dude you can’t do fuck all with 20k, I spend that a month on fucking socks.  Take your money, go to Prague for a weekend, and whore it up for a couple of days, for that kinda green you’ll get 20 fine ass’s that will do anything, I mean anything. it will give you glimpse of what my Tuesday nights are like. I’ve had enough, I got tunes to spin, cars drive and fine bitches to pleasure

Jay Kay out.

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J.A. Laraque

J.A. Laraque is a freelance writer and novelist. His passion for writing mixed with a comedic style and intelligent commentary has brought him success in his various endeavors. Whatever the subject, J.A. has an opinion on it and will present it in writing with an insight and flair that is both refreshing and informative.

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