This week, I was inspired by my neighbour explaining that I should not be worried about his dog as “His bark is worse than his bite” It promptly bit me, and after due consideration decided that although his bark was annoying his bite required a tetanus jab and thus was much worse, ergo the Proverb was wholly inaccurate. I decided to again don the white jacket and test some other well known Proverbs.
The Experiment- Are Proverbs Scientifically Accurate?
Curiosity killed the Cat – Well this was easy. In the case of Mr.Cuddles, my daughter’s kitten, it was not curiosity, it was a Saab 9000. Some of the more scientific amongst you may think, “Perhaps the kitten was curious about something in the road” well, I can assure you that’s not the case, it was far to interested in getting out of the way of my car which was reversing to be curious about anything. So this proverb is bollocks. On a side note however this did lead to some theological questions about what cats think about, and in the case Mr.Cuddles we wondered what was last thing to go through his mind, and I’m pleased to say we actually figured that one out, since it was hit from behind, it would of been his arse.
A watched kettle never boils. – I thought this would be a tricky one, so before I turned my awesome intellect to the problem I decided that a cup tea would be in order, and very shortly after proved the proverb wrong.
All roads lead to Rome – After a couple of hours stuck in traffic on the M6, I had to concede that although in terms of Physics and Geography all roads simply do not lead to Rome, it fucking feels like it.
Cold Hands, Warm Heart. – I cannot comment on how I proved this proverb incorrect until my case is heard in August.
A dog is man best friend – Instead of trying to re-invent the wheel I referred back to the incident that started this whole experiment. First I gave my best mate, Mike, a call and inquired if he would ever consider biting me, he said it would never happen, I asked if he would sign an affidavit to this effect and he agreed. We then decided to go for a drink, a bit conversation and an Indian. The next day I stuck my head over the neighbours fence, 2 seconds later a dog tried to rip my face off. I think this successfully proves this proverb utterly wrong.
A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds – I didn’t understand wtf this meant so I have to conclude that as a proverb, which by definition imbues wisdom, this fails.
So there you have it. 6 separate proverbs each proved, beyond scientific doubt to be wrong. Interesting to note that my brother, a regular columnist in the science journal – Science was asked to write a rebuttal to my thesis regarding Proverbs and prove at least one was scientifically accurate, he declined, when I asked him why he turn down this challenge he told me, “I don’t want to prove my own brothers theory regarding proverbs to be wrong just as a favour to my editor. After all, blood is thicker than water.” He’s a great guy my brother.