GLeN
Glen originally founded ObscureInternet as way to fuel his lust for extreme key chain racing, however that passion was quickly replaced when he realised that he could speak to other people, other lonely sad people, whose only way to communicate was via a modem. Modosexuals Glen christened them, and he has been allowing them to suckle at his information teat ever since.

The Professor?
Born conjoined to 2 other brothers, Lazarus was the only survivor of the
operation to separate them and is now unique as the only person to ever have 3 brains working as One. He refuses to take an IQ test as it, in his own words, “Would be like asking a monkey to wipe its arse with its hand”.?

Currently working in a secret Lab somewhere off the coast of Canada. As part of his community service sentence for knocking the moon of its orbit Prof Laz answers inane questions on the Obscure Internet Forum.

Lazarus
Laz can be summed up in 4 words- Big Man, Small Mind. Laz’s utter
refusal to accept anything that is not British has made him a hero figure to Combat 18 and the National Front, his controversial “Rivers of Lungs” speech in Birmingham sparked the 2003 race riots that pretty much proved his point. Some say he is a racist, others a visionary, all are wrong of course, he is just a mentally challenged alcoholic with severe chemical imbalances and dependencies.

Bill
Talk about a shooting star, Bill has gone from Zero to Hero in less than 27 years, A hit with ladies, and being hit by their boyfriends is what makes Bill a special person, recently described by Richard Hammond as “The real reason I survived” A musician at heart Bill has been asked by many of the top bands to make music with them, U2, Rolling stones and Artic Monkeys did not. Some day everyone will be like Bill.

Scribbler
Hand reared by a Columbian drugs cartel to be a Transatlantic drugs Mule, Scrib escaped and went on to become the Dictator of Paraguay were he put many many people to death before finally being overthrown in a bloodless coup (all smotherings) . Scrib evaded the death penalty in return for an apology and a hearty handshake. A part time inventor Scrib holds the paten for both the “Parma” and “Wednesdays”. Currently living in and on Wales and whales respectively.

J.A. Laraque
J.A Laraque was told that writing was the true path to a woman’s soul. Unfortunately, he though the word “soul” was a metaphor for a specific female body part. By the time he figured out the only female body part he would see would be the middle finger, it was too late. Now it is comedy that keeps him from hanging himself, that and the lack of industrial strength rope.

Crag
Crag2804 as his name suggests is a Korean Clone, part of the Nexus 7 range of hyper sex toys created by Bandai in the late 90รข??s. The 2800 batch was contaminated with a random ugly chromosome that meant the entire lot had to be scrapped. Crag2804 escaped and eked a living selling his sperm as wall paper paste. He was discovered in Kent, face down in a ditch, smelling of turpentine by GLeN who cleaned and sobered him long enough to start writing articles for Obscure Internet.

Sadly the only remnant Crag has of his sex toy past is an over sized anus.

HansIsland
HansIsland, also known as Roberto El Diablo, has the entire bible tattooed backwards on his torso, he claims that it is not satanic rather a satirical commentary on the state of Organised Religion, indeed when in 1974 he set fire to the gates of Vatican City killing several Swiss Guards he cited that this was only youthful exuberance, a jolly jape that got out of hand. Many believe his hatred of the church stems back to when a kindly Priest took in the orphaned Hansisland only to turn nasty and hammer the poor boys genatalia flat. Still others say that this is a myth created by Roberto to explain his freakishly flat cock. Either way he is a fine addition to the Obscure team.

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